Girlfriend (or wife) vs. Photography

[starvy]

<p>I think there are a few options. Ditch the girlfriend and have friends with benefits. If you are to have a girlfriend then don't discuss your work. Take on a mistress and discuss your work to heart's content. It seems to me that you want to shoot women but also talk about such shoots with someone you are intimate with. The two would not always go hand in hand when one is in a stable relationship!</p>

[marc_rochkind]

Reading through the responses here, I see three types:

 

1. Those attempting humor, a few of which actually make the grade.

 

2. Really terrible advice.

 

3. Good advice. (Not more than a few responses in this category.)

 

You would do well to take the advice here with a grain of salt. In my experience, most wives and girlfriends would be as uncomfortable as yours is. Her take is much closer to normal than would be that of an entirely-accepting woman.

 

Maury Cohen I think is saying it about right:

 

"In a relationship, isn't it important to choose which things are worth fighting about? If you love this woman, and it upsets her that you photograph women, maybe it's worth choosing other subject matter. If it's more important for you to be free to photograph other women, maybe you should let her off the hook and be single."

 

The right woman is VERY hard to find! Don't be a screwup.

[yann1]

<p>My 2 cents:<br>

My wife didn't like that I took pictures of nude women. Until:<br>

- I showed her that I took more pictures of her than of anyone or anything else,<br>

-I also bought a camera for her. and went shooting with her, teaching how to use a camera.<br>

- Ask her advice about my photos (light ,color, crop etc), nudes or not.<br>

Since that time, she's ok with it, and even encourages me.<br>

Women need to feel comforted, a stable life and confidence in themselves, that's your job.<br>

I'm sure everything will be all right as long as you care for each other.</p>

[DB_Gallery]

<p>She might not be the right one for you man. The reason being that if she were your life partner, soul mate, then you would not even think about asking this on a forum in which every answer is from a photo enthusiast AND a guy. <br>

You would respect her feelings to the point that you either take it in private to a counselor or in private in general. I have been a photographer for 35 years, 22 professionally, I personally would consider my wife's feelings very strongly before I put my image making before my relationship, even more so if I were just a hobby guy like you are.<br>

My two cents...</p>

[Norma Desmond]

<blockquote>

<p>I love to capture the beauty of the opposite sex</p>

</blockquote>

<p>"Beauty" is a fairly vague, all-encompassing word. It's a word that, without some further explanation, doesn't say much. So she might be wondering what you actually mean and what is actually motivating you. I know I am and I barely know you! Before talking to your wife, maybe try thinking about what is actually motivating you to take these photos and what you are actually producing that has value to you, her, and others. What is "beauty" for you? Is it comprised, perhaps, of other qualities? When it comes to the opposite "sex," is sexuality at all involved? Sensuality? Personality? You gotta really be honest here, right? If it's not deeper than <em>mere</em> beauty (which might not be any deeper, for example, than "pretty"), maybe your wife doesn't see your photography as anything terribly significant. Photos of pretty girls are a dime a dozen. "Why do <em>you</em> have to do it," she might be wondering. If, on the other hand, it <em>is</em> more personal and perhaps even more passionate than "pretty," or at least a bit deeper, maybe her concerns would then make sense to you. In any case, relationships (and photography) take a fair amount of honesty (and each can get involved with fakery as well, for better or worse). That's where I generally start.</p>

[AlanKlein]

<p>Would you be worried or concerned if she started taking pictures of handsome men because she wanted to "capture the masculinity" of the opposite sex? </p>

[Spearhead]

<p>One of the women I photograph regularly had a problem. Her husband didn't like her taking her clothes off in front of groups of people. It was a constant issue, but it's over. She dumped the husband and now has a great boyfriend who fully supports her in what she wants to do.</p>

<p>Just one thought...</p>

[rlausch]

<p>haha Thanks everybody for the funny, and sometimes helpful advice. Just for the record she is my girlfriend, going on just about a year now, not my wife or anything that has had long term substance yet.<br>

And its hard to say how I'd react if roles were reversed, I'm sure if I wasn't into photography and she was I may have a problem, but if she decided to right now I wouldn't. I think I just need to find a way of getting her involved in what I do, or at least show her I can take pictures of other things too.<br>

Thanks for the info though.</p>

[seth_.]

<p>There's only one solution.<br>

Get lucky next time and find yourself bi girl ;)</p>

[saskphotog]

<p>There are many things that make a relationship successful, or not. I said it earlier in a rather glib style, but you really have to make up your mind about which is more important in your life: the relationship or the photography. Decide.</p>

<p>If the woman is more important than pictures of naked women, stop shooting them. If shooting the pictures are more important than the woman, tell her so and let her make up her mind about what she will do. I expect that telling her your pictures of women are more important than she is will likely settle the issue.</p>

[pjmeade]

<p>My wife is happy, as long as there's also a horse in the photo.</p>

[john_a5]

<p>I have seen this problem more than a few times and every one ended in a disaster. Two of the guys I knew were fashion photographers that either married or lived with models they had shot. Neither woman was keen on the guy then photographing other women. One went so far as to tell him he couldn't accept jobs shooting women if he had to go on the road with them--jobs with crews and clients, not testing!</p>

<p>Anyway, both were financially distressed through bad break ups. Sometimes I think you have to face the facts, which is more important to you, the photography or the partner. Personally, I think if the partner doesn't understand the passion (and you aren't just a horn dog) then the weak link has been exposed. Just my opinion from many years seeing this sort of thing go wrong!</p>

[ellis_vener_photography]

<blockquote>

<p><strong><em>The right woman is VERY hard to find! Don't be a screwup.</em></strong></p>

</blockquote>

<p>+1 to that. </p>

[Spearhead]

<blockquote>

<p>If the woman is more important than pictures of naked women</p>

</blockquote>

<p>Where did he say the women were naked? If you look at the photos he has posted, none are naked.</p>

[m_stephens]

<p>Jealousy and insecurity are concrete signs of immaturity and emotional problems. Today it's photographing women, tomorrow it may be something else and it never ends. Be aware that most adults don't change their stripes in this regard. It's a sign of things to come.</p>

[ashley_lynn1]

<p>Robert how did you word it when you brought it up to her? I am a female ( and by the looks of it not many females have responded to your very real question ) Your GF needs to come to understand that photography is an art and it celebrates beauty in all forms. It is your duty to gently express that while you love doing boudoir photos as it fulfills the needs of artist side of you that it doesn't cast a shadow upon the beauty you see in her everyday. That you are only seeing these women as art and your GF is the only thing that attracts you beyond the art to actually caress the canvas.<br>

If she cannot grasp that and come to an understanding that's okay.. but it just mean that you two cannot be together without one or the other giving something up. As in all things in life it comes down to choices. What can you live with and still be happy?</p>

[stp]

<p>If your girlfriend is eventually going to share your life with you, she needs to do exactly that. But it's not one-sided, so you need to decide how important this photography is to you. If it's truly a passion, she needs to understand that and support your passion (just as you would do for her). I think the best way for her to do that is to become involved with you in some way in the making of your photographs.</p>

[saskphotog]

<blockquote>

<p>Where did he say the women were naked? If you look at the photos he has posted, none are naked.</p>

</blockquote>

<p>Absolutely correct. Again, I was being glib. Good catch.</p>

<p>Does that fact change anything about the advice I tried to give? Does it make any difference to the problem? </p>

[Spearhead]

 

 

<blockquote>

<p>Does that fact change anything about the advice I tried to give? Does it make any difference to the problem?</p>

</blockquote>

<p>In some ways, yes. Being upset about simply photographing women indicates some level of insecurity that may not be what someone tolerates with regard to an important activity. For certain reasons, nudity implies something beyond taking photos, although I wouldn't find this reasonable either. But for almost anyone, just photographing fully clothed women doesn't seem like a problematic activity unless there is some other history around it.</p>

 

 

 

[ellis_vener_photography]

<blockquote>

<p><em>Jealousy and insecurity are concrete signs of immaturity and emotional problems.</em></p>

</blockquote>

<p>Jealousy and insecurity are emotional manifestations of our basic animal instinct of territoriality. Ignore them or deny them at your peril. The best approach is talking about openly about it. </p>

[JamesFarabaugh]

<p>I feel for ya, Rob. Like you, I find the female to be beautiful. Beautiful hair, beautiful eyes, beautiful skin, beautiful curves. And it's not necessarily a sexual attraction, but rather an attraction to all things beautiful, like sunsets and waterfalls. Our attraction to this beauty does not just go away when we have a mate. Beautiful women are still beautiful women even when we love another. It would be nice if more mates could understand this about us, and not become jealous or insecure of our attractions.</p>

<p>However, I can also understand where your girlfriend is coming from because there is a difference between enjoying beauty in a fleeting moment (eying a cutie across the room) and capturing beauty so you can later reminisce (photographing said cutie). To your mate when you photograph a woman you find attractive you are not just enjoying her beauty, you are actually acting on your attraction. Even if she understands and accepts that you still find other women attractive, your active seeking and capturing of it is blurring the line of fidelity to her.</p>

<p>I am very fortunate to have found a girlfriend who also sees the beauty of the female (in the nonsexual sense of all things beautiful). She sees what I see in a beautiful woman, so she understands and is not at all a jealous or insecure person. Its' great! But if I started photographing attractive women I'm pretty sure she would feel like I was trying to replace her, or at the very least, trying to supplement something that's missing from our relationship. Either way, that's a big difference from just seeing beauty.</p>

[rlausch]

<p>Very good advice and questions coming up here, far more than I can respond to! Thanks for all the input though. Today I took her out to the park at our university and we just snapped pictures and I was showing her what's what on the camera and such. She really liked it and said she has always found it interesting but never did anything with it, so I guess I'll go that route and take snippets of advice here and there from you all. Thanks!</p>

[Norma Desmond]

<p>Robert, I really think more attention should be paid to the <em>photos</em>. They've hardly been discussed at all . . . strange for a photo site. I think it's much less about your girlfriend's supposed immaturity or jealousness (suggested by some folks here). What are the photos saying -- to her, to viewers, to you? Are they exploring "beauty"? Honestly, not to me and frankly, I don't find "beauty" that worth exploring (unless it's explored in the kind of non-superficial way that, say, the Greeks explored it, which is about a whole hell of a lot more than good looks).</p>

[Tim_Lookingbill]

<blockquote>

<p>Two pictures, two hotty former girlfriends, or two current girlfriends?</p>

</blockquote>

<p>Ha! Ha! Joseph, I knew after I wrote that, I should've reworded it.</p>

<p>They were two separate high school prom pictures of two girlfriends who went with me to two separate high school proms, one in my Junior year and the other in my Senior year. There was an additional B&W shot of the Junior year girlfriend posing in a perky Betty Grable hands clasped together holding her knees and looking back at the viewer while she sat on a picnic table in the park.</p>

<p>MAN! She was a knock out!</p>

<p>My current wife back then 5 years after those shots were taken scoffed at them and asked me why I still kept them. Well needless to say I'm no longer married to her. Personality conflicts and all that. You know stuff like that. Movin' on!</p>

[AlanKlein]

<p>Let's cut to the chase. Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend with one of your models? Have you ever thought about it? If the answer is yes to either, then you're kidding yourself with your relationship with your girlfriend.</p>