My friend is gone

[silverscape]

A classic camera now means more to me than just something to collect or an interesting antique to use. They

capture memories, memories that are so precious and important that you will never realize how important until later.

You see, I didn't realize it at the time, but the last pictures I would ever take of my friend were with my Minolta SRT-

101 and film.<p>

 

Some of you might have seen the topic I posted a while back, about how I had gotten one of my friends interested in

darkroom developing. He wasn't really all that interested in photography at first. But he had gone with me

sometimes when I went out to take landscape photos. And I even showed him how I develop black and white film

and prints. Tom was like that...he was always curious, and open and willing to try anything at least once. He

worked with me one night in the darkroom and I showed him the basics about how photo paper is light senstive, and

how the enlarger works, and how to develop the paper. Then he wanted to try it. I showed him the basics about how

to set the aperture on the enlarger and how to estimate the exposure time. Then I stepped out of the darkroom for a

few minutes and let him develop a print himself. He came out with a great picture! That's how Tom was...he grasped

and understood things. He may not have understood all the terminology, but he understood the concept. He learned

fast. There was just something special about him.<p>

 

Tom was only 19 years old. I say was, because I just found out last night that my friend is no longer in this world.

He was killed almost a month ago, by a hit and run driver. Apparently, he was riding his bike with his younger

stepbrother on the handlebars. It was 7:30 at night, on a busy and narrow street. They were hit by a car...he was

killed, but his brother is apparently still in the hospital, in a coma.<p>

 

I just found out about this last night. I haven't slept at all. This is the first time I've stopped crying. I had been trying

to call Tom for the past 2 or 3 weeks, and it kept going to his voice mail. At first, I didn't get too worried because he

kind of floats around a lot and stays and different friends houses. And sometimes he has left his phone or charger

somewhere and the battery would die. But usually, he would always call be back within a few days. When the first

week went by, and then the 2nd week, I started getting worried. But I didn't know where he would be. Last night, I

decided to go to his MySpace page to see when was the last time he logged in, and also to see if any of his other

friends were asking where he was. I started looking through the people on his friends list, and I saw one girl that had

a picture of him, with "RIP Tom 1990-2010." I was in shock and somehow my brain didn't make the connection that

it was him. I looked through her pictures, and she had an album just with pictures with him. It was him. Tom

Meeks, my friend. <p>

 

It's just not right. Tom never had a fair chance at life. If there was ever a tragic story, this was it. His parents were

divorced, and his mom sent him away to live with his dad. He didn't graduate from high school...although he made it

up to junior year and he was even in the honor roll. His dad was a total loser. They were living at a friend's house in

a bad neighborhood in downtown. At one point, when he turned 18, they kicked him out of the house and he was

living on the streets for a while. This was before I knew him. Then he ended up moving back to the house, but the

guy that owned it beat him up. His life was absolute hell there. It's like everywhere Tom went, people abandoned

him.<p>

 

Despite his hard life, Tom tried to never let it get to him. He always tried to stay positive. He was hyper, kind of

immature, and just had a certain innocent and happy-go-lucky way of thinking. He looked and acted like a kid. Even

though his life was horrible. There was just something different about him...like he didn't belong here. If you got into

a real conversation with him, you could just tell there was something unique and special about him...the way he

viewed the world. He was smart and clever. I always had the feeling that if somehow he could just escape his bad

life, he would learn so much and do so much in this world. He had so many talents...he could draw, he wanted to

learn about programming, he had a lot of dreams. He just didn't know how to achieve them.<p>

 

It's just not right. Tom deserved better than this.<p>

 

I only knew him for about 5 months, but during that time we got to be really close friends. He was over at my house

all the time. He was like another brother to me. I honestly don't know how I'm even typing this right now. I cried for

hours last night. I just keep thinking of all the times he came to my house, and when we used to just hang out and

look up stuff on this computer. He had a favorite comedian and we used to look up videos on YouTube all the time.

He was sitting on this computer with me, where I am right now. <p>

 

I will miss you, my friend. Goodbye Thomas Meeks.<p>

 

This is one of the last pictures I took of him, on black and white film. I took this back in November or December. I

had no idea that I would get to be such good friends with him...and that our friendship would be so short. But he taught me a lot during our friendship. He taught me to take things one day at a time, and to always try to have fun. And to keep reaching for your dreams. Tom never saw his dreams come true, but maybe in some way, he might have helped me so that someday my dreams will.<p>

 

<img src="http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/gatewaycityca/scan0004bsmall.jpg"><p>

 

<b>Thomas Meeks<br>

1990-2010</b>

[gene m]

<p>A heartbreaker. I'm sorry for your loss.</p>

[silverscape]

<img src="http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/gatewaycityca/Tomsmall.jpg"><p>

 

That's the way Tom was...he would stop and feed Corn Chips to a donkey. He just had a natural curiosity about everything. If we could have, he would have taken that donkey home with him.

[chuck_foreman1]

Sorry to learn of your loss. It is heatbreaking! Sounds like the kind of guy I'd like to meet! It wasn't fair and it never is.... I know you will never forget him and ther are others too.. seek them out! It's only in memories that we live on!

[gene m]

<p>Fairness in life implies judgment by a deity. A concept I find ludicrous. Tragedies like the one Chris described above are random. We try and find reasons for such horrific events. There are none in my opinion.</p>

[david_l3]

<p>Chris, I'm sorry about Tom. You wrote a moving tribute to your friend. </p>

[rick_drawbridge]

<p>Heartrending, Chris, but I hope it helped to share your sorrow with us. I have a rather similar son of about the same age, and I can imagine how <em>I'd </em> feel. We move on and the hurt lessens but we never forget. Hang in...</p>

[dave_s]

<p>Well, he's out there with the neutrinos and the photons now, and we'll all join him soon. Chris, he may have had a rough ride in his short life, but it sounds like you were a genuine friend, so it's not all bad.</p>

[Rick_van_Nooij]

<p>My condolences, Chris, to you and everyone your friend touched.</p>

<p> </p>

[Lou_Meluso]

<p>So sorry to hear of your loss, Chris. </p>

[richard_beisigl]

<p>Chris,<br>

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend Tom.<br>

Just remember, by being Toms friend, you gave him someone he could rely on to be there for him when he was down , someone he knew that no matter what life threw at him, you would be there for him. And that meant more to Tom than you will ever know.</p>

[Matt Laur]

<p>A great object lesson in valuing the life you're living right now, which is the only one you get. The sharp and unexpected loss of a likeable (or loved) person is the bitter counterpoint to life's available sweetness. The only thing worse, I think, is to be holding onto a pile of regrets as you yourself slip away. Life's too short for that. Enjoy the fact that he was a bit of a free spirit, Chris, and take a bit of comfort in knowing that he didn't have a protracted period during which to contemplate and dread his own demise. I won't call him lucky in general, but he was lucky in that regard. Just as you were to find someone and enjoyable human in the world, however briefly.<br /><br />Perhaps it would help to ask yourself whether your friend would want you to be a wreck over his departure, or whether he'd have rather you simply think of him and smile. Glad you had a chance to photograph him - what another great reminder to the rest of us, and thanks for that.</p>

[steve salmons]

<p>Too sad for anything I can add Chris. I hope sharing it has helped you come to terms with it in some way.</p>

[yann1]

<p>Sorry Chris<br>

For Tom</p><div></div>

[tony_lockerbie]

<p>Sorry to hear this Chris. I lost my best friend in a car accident, he was only twenty years old, that was some forty years ago...I still think of him, and I know how you feel.<br>

Tony</p>

[gib]

<p>so sorry for your loss</p>

[a._t._burke]

<p>Mr. Tobar....</p>

<p>What a nice piece you have written about your friend. I have found in my lifetime, if you listen to a person long enough, they will eventually tell you the real truth of who and what they are. Both the fact that you wrote the above and what you wrote says a lot about who and what you are. It is obvious you are a person of merit.</p>

<p>I'm much older than you are. I've watched so many of my friends go. There never seems to be a rhyme or reason. Naturally both skeptical and curious, I still have decided that it is no use questioning why.</p>

<p>Although you never get used to it, the first really close person to you to die, especially one your own age or younger, seems to give a person the biggest jolt. I can't say it gets easier as others pass, but perhaps one learns better how to handle it through the experience of coping.</p>

<p>After a death, as time goes on, the sense of loss or sorrow does not go away but it does becomes less constant in your mind. At least there is that. As the pain becomes less constant, you will still have the memory of your friendship. No matter that, it'll never be worth the experience and I truly regret your loss.</p>

<p>A. T. Burke</p>

[minhnguyen9113]

<p>Chris<br>

Tom's gone, but he's there in your warm-heart. Someday you'll meet one my strong young-man<br>

sorry for your loss</p>

[dweezil]

<p>Chris,<br>

Tom may not have had much good in his life and that's a shame. But in you he found a friend, and a friend that told the whole world about him, a friend that was there for him, even it was only for a brief time.<br>

I can only hope one of my friends would talk like this about me.<br>

cherish the moments you had with him and I'm very sorry for your loss.</p>

<p> </p>

[howardstanbury]

<p>A deeply moving tribute; clearly a great loss for all who knew him</p>

[john carter]

<p>Sorry Chris, Like Tony I still think of my friend 47 years later. You will too.</p>

[Rob_the_waste]

<p>I'm sorry to hear about your loss too. I also had a friend that lost his life long before his time. It was also in a traffic accident where he was a passenger. It was also beyond his control. I was 19 at the time, he was 17, and I didn't find out until about six months after, by accident. The only thing you can do is keep your memories of him, move forward, and be inspired by his memory.</p>

[lauren_macintosh]

<p>As a person who lost someone close to him and that understood him at an early age, we were first cousins,except I was 7 days older, to have lost someone of this nature and like , chris had ,It leaves a hole in ones life that does not seem to able to be filled again, To those who had loss'es like this, I can only give my warm heart felt regrets for such a Loss:</p>

[silverscape]

Thank you for all the kind thoughts.

 

I'm still trying to figure out how to get through this. I still can't believe he's gone. I think about him all the time, and I can still imagine him here right now. I knew a couple of his other friends and I was able to find them and last night I hung out with them for a while. It really helped to talk with other people who knew Tom. That helped a lot. It's hard enough as it is, and I just couldn't imagine how I would get through this if I couldn't talk to anyone else who knew him. When I was with his friends, it was almost like I could still be connected to Tom. They understood everything I said. I talked with one of his other close friends, Luke. And Luke said the exact same things...that there was just something different about Tom. The way he saw the world, the way he thought about things. He was just so different and unique.

 

I think I'm doing a little bit better than I was yesterday...but it's hard. There are some times when I feel like I'm going to be okay. When I was with Tom's friends, we would talk and tell funny stories about him and I would tell them about some of the things we did. I stayed there over night and we had some drinks. I actually had a good time. But then as soon as I left and came home today, I just keep thinking. Sometimes I feel like I might get through this, but then there's other times where I just feel like crying my eyes out.

 

One thing that has helped me a little bit is I just think about how lucky I was to know Tom. I didn't know him that long...but we got to be such close friends. I mean seriously, I had never become such good friends that fast with someone as adult. Usually, it takes a lot longer for me to get to be close friends with someone. But with Tom, it was like he was my little brother. And now I'm thinking there was a reason for that. Tom wasn't going to be here for very long, and I was fortunate to be his friend at the right place and at the right time.

[rustys pics]

<p>Sorry to hear of this tragedy in your life Chris. Those are great photos of Tom. Look at it this way; you said he had a lot people in life let him down. But I bet he was flattered that you considered him important enough to take a photograph of him. And there he'll be forever. He'll always be that curious, otherworldly kid you captured forever in the image. As time goes on you'll get older, and he'll still be there to remind you that life has to be stopped at a fraction of a second from time to time. Stopped to remind us that every fraction of every second spent with a friend or family member is a singular event in the world that will never happen again. And that's what Tom, and your beautiful photographs of him have to tell us all. </p>