How would you start WW3 in Photo.net?

[phyrpowr]

Okay, now I understand: a "crop" camera is just like using a telephoto lens on a real camera, right?

[leicaglow]

It would be fun to offer up less patient responses to our favorite questions:

 

Q: "I want to bee a professional photographer, butt I don't know what to take pictures of."

R: (Real question): I flunked out of college algebra and english, my folks are pissed, and now I need a plan B.

A: Why do you want to be a photographer when you don't even have enough passion to know what you want to take a picture of?

 

Q: "What do you think of my new logo (or website, or whatever)?"

R: "Don't you agree I'm a great graphic designer?"

A: If you think that amateurish logo is going to add even $10 to your business' bottom line, you're out of your mind, and you ought to be out talking with prospective customers and quit worrying about your crappy "corporate image".

 

Q: "Which logo do you like best?"

R: "Ain't got no bidnuss, so I thought I'd screw around with my logo."

A: Logo #1. Sucks. #2. Travesty. #3. Is that bubble gum stuck to your scanner? #4. You've got to be kidding me.

 

Q: "Some new shots with my new portrait lens"

R: Who cares

A: Your kid is butt ugly, and I can't imagine what you and your wife must look like.

 

Q: "What can I do about my 18-200 zoom extending out when I point it downward?

R: Did I make a mistake by buying this lens?

A: Yes. And don't point it toward the ground anymore.

 

Q: "What causes this streak of light going through each frame of film?

A: Poltergeists. Seek the attention of a Priest immediately.

 

Q: "Why am I getting these black bands across my images when I use a flash?"

A: Oh, I don't know. Maybe it was because you were trying to shoot the auto race at 5fps at 1/4000th sec. Do not seek the advice of a priest on this one. It's going to take a Rabbi to explain it.

 

Q: "My customer is using my image all over town, and I'm not getting paid. What can I do about it?"

A: Maybe you should consider having a contract. Neither a Priest nor a Rabbi is going to help on this one. It's going to take... gulp, a Lawyer.

[Damon DAmato]

I was shooting in the mall the other day, and the security guard stopped me. They actually accused me of shooting up some woman's skirt-- with a wide angle lens, no less. Idiots.

 

I mean, I had my whole family with me, for my son's birthday, and so what if I was hanging out near a glass enclosed elevator? I could have been shooting anything, like the cables. It just wouldn't occur to me! So I handed the guards a memory card I keep on me just for this sort of thing.

 

Anyway, I took photos of the security guards while all this was happening. Do I need a model release to post them here?

[pjmeade]

witch iz betr nudes vs birds

 

wunt to now cuz i wunt to go pro lol

 

an do i need punctation an spelng in mi postts

 

ta

[chris_waller]

Which is the best b+w film/developer combination?

[ianmaleny]

Ummm let's have a think......

 

People buy Nikon and Canon because the adverts tell them to.

 

These same people hate Pentax and refuse to even mention the name because they really are superior.

 

More megapixels really is better.

 

Canon people have an inferiority complex because they have smaller sensors.

 

Olympus users have an even bigger complex.

 

Most people on PN are lacking a sense of humour and spell words funny.

[will_daniel1]

Any discussion about "altering" or "manipulating" photos.

[graham_thompson1]

A film Leica is an overpriced clockwork toy and film is dead anyway.

[tholte]

Digital prints, especially black and white, look so digital. Prints from film, especially black and white, look so much better and have such nice bokeh.

[k5083]

This could easily be a very funny thread, but the problem is that for humor to work, you have to cast reality as a little more absurd than it is, and you guys have not quite risen to the challenge. Many of the war threads we see are sillier than these caricatures. So far the funniest thing about this thread is that someone thinks "mediums" is a word.

[mike dixon]

<i>you have to cast reality as a little more absurd than it is, and you guys have not quite risen to the

challenge</i><P>

It's a difficult challenge. It's kind of like trying to parody a Monty Python movie. There are threads with

several hundred posts by people arguing over the opacity of film grain--how do you get <b>more</b> absurd?

[phil_jackson2]

Our camera club is a registered charity, we have 20 computers set up, we have downloaded PS CS3 trial version (extended), the trouble is the 30 days has run out, would it be ok if some of you nice charitable people on photo.net downloaded us your PS seriel numbers for us to use, shall we start with yours August, thanking you in advanced.....Tee Hee

[William Kahn]

hi Im in high skool and I hve a paper on sum photography subject due tomorrow and I dont have a clue what to write can you guys help me out youll be my bff.

[squareframe]

easy ...

 

can I use my Canon 100-400mm Image Stabilized lens with a tripod? the manual says I cannot.

[DickArnold]

Post any esoteric postulation on "Philosophy" and then witness an unintelligible, heated and over written fight fought by

overwrought somewhat pompous aesthetes. Luckily I am not smart enough to enter those battles. I tried to use some of their

words but I am not really good at it and I really don't read philosophy. I can't stand the bickering.

[Matt Laur]

I'm looking at a picture of a pepper by some guy named Weston. I don't get it. It looks like an ugly pepper.

[tomscott]

Why are Leica owners such snobs? My canonet takes just as good of pictures.

 

Is photography really art? I mean after all, you're just taking pictures.

 

Is digital really photography at all? Or is it just computer generated images?

 

What is this damn peel down thingy in the corner of my screen?

[carl_klitzke]

This isn't nearly over the top, but I love the 'marketing' arguments re: film vs digital. Also the "rich guy telling poor guy to spend money he would have to sell kidneys to get."

 

"pff digital is a fad, if kodak would just MARKET kodachrome better than everybody would be shooting 200 rolls a week!"

 

"use this recording medium because it works well for me. I will slice your dog in half if you do not use this medium. [insert "scientific" findings here, if it's pro digital, it will be a picture of a 110 neg on top of a flash light from across the room. The digital will be whatever has the largest production sensor. if the argument is for film, there will be a drum scan of something ISO 50 taken with a lens that will bend space and time as well as light. The digital will be a picture of a 110 neg across the room taken on a cell phone.]

 

"geez, $1200 for a lens isn't THAT expensive. I used $1200 to wipe myself after using the toilet today, in fact. Everybody can afford to (and should) spend at least $7000 every month on optics. That way your photos will be better than everybody else's photos."

[victormora]

What about the answer for this kind of post:

 

Q: "I am a soccer/hockey/baseball mom and I am planning of getting a nice inexpensive and easy to use camera for my sons games. What would you suggest"

 

A: "Get yourself a brand new Nikon D3X, with at least $12,000 worth in glass, and dont forget a nice Epson 44" Ultrachrome printer. And if the salesguy offers you a Canon push a rusty machete through his trachea"

 

Or the other side of the coin:

 

A: "Get yourself a tin can, put some film in it and push a hole through the lid. Your equipment is not important at all, just take the pictures with wathever you have in hand. Maybe you can get good images by using a racoon pelt and a charcoal piece".

[anov]

You guys are funny.

 

My favorite question end with this:

 

USERS ONLY PLEASE....

[keith_durnford]

Question why people continuously spell lens LENSE, I mentioned this mishap of spelling on another forum and, well, I may just have pulled the trigger of the firing squad myself for even daring to question someone elses spelling errors.

[sarah_fox]

"someone elses spelling errors."

 

er... That would be someone else's (with an apostrophe)

 

I'm not being critical. I'm just pointing out the glass houses and stone casting thing.

 

------------------------------

 

A: "Get yourself a tin can, put some film in it and push a hole through the lid. Your equipment is not important at all, just take the pictures with wathever you have in hand. Maybe you can get good images by using a racoon pelt and a charcoal piece".

 

Now THAT'S funny! ROFL! :-)

[daverhaas]

In the sports forum - quickest way is to ask something like:

"My kids is going out for - insert indoor sport name here - and I want great action shots of them. I have a - Insert Pro-Sumer DSLR name - and am wondering do I / should I use flash or not?"

 

In the wedding forum -

"Hi - I'm shooting a wedding tomorrow and I just found out that flash is not allowed. I have a DSLR and a consumer grade f4.-f5.6 lens and no other lens or camera - Help!"

 

In the business forum -

"I have photos of my kid's sports team - Do I need a release to sell them? " or "I was taking photos of my kid's team from the sidelines and I was asked to not do it by the team or a league official"

 

Any of the three posted in the correct forum will certainly start a minor skirmish which could flare in nuclear war.

 

Dave

[jerry_schuler]

Why waste time on WWIII? Go straight for the Apocalypse. All you have to do is:

 

 

a)       Say how bad the kit lenses are and photo.net will argue how good they are.

 

b)       Say how good the kit lenses are and photo.net argue how bad they are.

 

 

Then just set back and watch Lex, Matt, and Bob damn themselves for eternity.

[lex_jenkins]

Too late, Jerry. Too late.