<p>I use the Tamron 90mm macro which I've had over 10 years now. This lens has been around, in various iterations, for many years and is generally very highly regarded. My version, the 172E, or the following version (272E) would not be ideal for your camera as they will not autofocus on the D3100. The next model up, the 272EN II, would be ideal and according to Google is still readily available in the US from B&H for $499 or the low 400s from Amazon. Since there is now an even newer VR version on sale, the 272EN II is also available secondhand - but use a trusted source, with a clear returns policy.</p>
<p>Although you do not <em>need</em> AF for macro, it <em>is</em> useful on this lens for conventional use. I use mine as much, or more, as a standard 90mm (on FX, admittedly) as I do for macro stuff. Incidentally, ultra-macro of the kind you have mentioned is really quite tricky and has quite a learning curve. I've never really done it: the depth-of-field and illumination issues put me off! Good luck - it sounds quite exciting, doesn't it?</p>