They don't want their wedding video uploaded that I'm doing for free

[james_edwards1]

<p>Hello there, I'm looking for some advice on how to handle this.<br>

I'm a film maker who's setting out to build up his own production company whilst starting to do wedding videos to pay the bills whilst I am building up my film company. I do have the skills for film and have worked on production so have the skills in place to move over to part time wedding video productions. I'm presently building up a film reel for wedding videos, and have said to my sister who's getting married in January that I would do the wedding for free if I could use it online to promote myself. This was Ok with her and I informed her that I would be there filming the entire wedding, then I’d go away and edit the video into 5min production and I would create this for free.<br>

She did offer me 50pound towards my accommodation as I would be traveling three hours by train to get there and as I don't have much money.<br>

Anyway, at the moment, she still would like me to do the video, however she and her partner don't want it uploaded or shown to anyone which sort of pushes the getting noticed aside as nobody will see it. I do understand in some ways, but also at the same time feel that the amount of time investing in a wedding video regardless if its family or a stranger for free without any future clients seeing it is wrong.<br>

Has anyone been in this situation before? And if so how did you deal with it? Thanks for taking the time to read my posting.</p>

[john_h.1]

<p>This is more of a question for a social advice type column than a photography issue so I will try to answer it in that context. They don't want their wedding video and likenesses on it shown as sample work. As a family matter that will only spell doom if you defy their wishes. Forget about using their wedding as the subject of a promotional sample video. Its a dead issue. Even IF they were to relent, they are likely to change their minds again. Probably after they got the video and you did all the work.<br /><br />Your choices now, other than skipping town and being absent the day of the wedding are 1) Shoot the video for free as a favor, gift, practice or combo of those, 2) offer to shoot it for a more robust fee and face the potential fallout 3) Decline to shoot the video. The best way to initiate the third choice and successfully get out of this potential 'obligation' is to say... <br /><br />"<em>It really</em><em> wasn't a good idea to shoot the wedding in the first place. Its an enormous amount of work and concentration to get everything captured just so in order to make the many hours of tedipus editing work after that worthwhile. I wouldn't be participating as a brother and share the experience with you during this once in a lifetime event. Family is so much more important than this business work exercise. I'm really relived and looking forward to being a actual part of the wedding".</em> Maybe throw in an "<em>I love you sis</em>" at the end as well.</p>

<p>Don't leave open ANY hints that you are open to considering anything else. It must be presented as the decision was made. Not some wishy washy, 'I've been thinking that it not would be a good idea not to video record the wedding'. This is a loving and firm announcement that you are not shooting the wedding with the guilt trip featured in any discussion otherwise being shifted in advance to her, not you.<br /><br />Make sure to do this right away so there is plenty of time for them to find a videographer to take your place. Have some names handy as referrals you can give them.</p>

[johnkenthill]

<p>It's your sister. Take her up on her offer for accommodations. Give her what she asks as a present for her wedding. They may change their minds later.<br /><br />...just my advice. </p>

[Ian Taylor]

<p>If you are as experienced as you say and don't need the practice, I would say "No". Free work like that really needs to go back into the business as a promo piece, at least that's how I usually did it when I was getting going.<br>

I would definitely decline, just say you're going to come and have fun instead.</p>

[Wouter Willemse]

<p>Having shot some weddings as a friend of the couple, I can tell you that it is really work. It's concentration, attention and being ready at all times, all through the day. Basically, you miss the whole wedding, because you're too concentrated getting it on video (or photo). This is the wedding of your sister. I would try to be there, as a brother, as somebody who enjoys the day and enjoys seeing his sister on what ought to be the happiest day of her life. No work, no obligation, just sharing happiness as a family and enjoy together.<br>

If you really want to shoot the video, do whatever your sister asks; don't do anything that could make her big day any less good than it ought to be. It's really not worth it.</p>

[User_6502147]

<p>If I were you, I'd withdraw the offer. Enjoy the wedding as a participant. In the mean time, you can concentrate on creating a pseudo-wedding video: have couple of models go through paces....and put all your creative juices into that plus editing the piece. </p>

<p>You may also want to align yourself with a real couple + real wedding, but without any obligation. You'd still have to have a contract/releases + work out logistics with the still photographer. Who knows, if you do a superb work....the couple might even be interested in purchasing the video.</p>

<p>Les</p>

<p> </p>

[dhbebb]

<p>I agree with all of the above – getting out of this commitment would be very very easy, getting out of it and preserving any relationship with your sister is going to be much harder. Of all the possible ways to present your case, I might suggest that the least hurtful would be to say that for you, without the benefit of using their footage for your publicity, you simply cannot afford to go ahead with the shoot. How that would sit with your apparent plans to attend the wedding as a guest, however, I cannot say!</p>

[craig_shearman1]

<p>If it were a stranger, I would tell them that uploading/showing/using as a sample was part of the deal and without that no video. Since it's your sister, I would agree to her wishes for sake of family peace but go ahead and shoot and edit the video. Even if you're not going to show the video to anyone, you do need the experience of shooting a wedding video even if you do have other production experience. There will be things you'll learn along the way, and the more times you've done it the easier it gets. Better to practice on family member for free than on a paying customer should anything go wrong.</p>

[john_h.1]

<p>This is an example of why it is perilous to mix business with family. The sister, knowing the reason the shoot was offered, has repudiated the agreement. We don't know if the offer to pay for the accommodations was out of kindness and appreciation or to soften the blow of announcing that the video cannot be used for the reason agreed to. or both. James is in a much better position to access that. Personally, I would choose my option #3 above. I didn't include in that the necessity of offering to forgo the funds for accommodation since that is probably considered part of the deal to the sister. If #3, is met with resistance and James caves in, then the next best option is #1. That is a viable option as a first choice, of course, but the runner up in my own personal opinion. It is unfortunate that the sister knew why the offer was made and apparently never offered to let James off the hook or to pay him in exchange. Could she be under the impression this is a gift overall and not appreciate the amount of work and value of the resulting sample?</p>

[Not Here]

<p>I don't know your relationship with your sister but it appears you've been hit with a classic bait and switch move. You offered a video, sis thought that sounded good, especially after pricing someone else doing it, but doesn't want it made public (strange since a wedding, however intimate, is a public event if you have guests). So she's said I will accept your offer of a video and I'm going to make myself feel good by giving you a token payment. All of that fits into the not so bad news, the bad news is you are caught on the hook, skewered on a stick and can't get out of it without being the villain. Even if you get her to let you out of the deal, you'll go to the wedding for fun and feel guilty; not to mention all the comments you'll get from family about sis' big day and why aren't you participating. Option #1 is your only choice. Go, get it over with, and be careful what you offer in the future. Oh yeah, good luck ;-)... Mike</p>

[john_h.1]

<p>MLM and I obviously disagree with whether Option #1 is the only choice but, his observations are sound. People frequently react that way. </p>

[james_edwards1]

<p>Hello<br>

Thank you all for your advice which has been gratefully received and taken on board.<br>

I have had a while to think about what my plan of action is and will decide on the outcome in regards to pulling out and going as a guest or doing it and learning from the experience. I have to agree that it is her big day and need to respect that without the fall out scenario, this isn’t worth it, but at the same time I am working for free so have to respect my time that’s been used.<br>

I have thought of several scenarios where all advice was given and have come up with several options.</p>

<ol>

<li>Go as the brother and enjoy the wedding regardless of what people think</li>

<li>Go and do the wedding as an offered gift and learn from the experience, so for future terms I know what I’m getting into for future weddings.</li>

<li>If it can’t be publicised, then to at least ask for my travel or to offer the DVD’s to guests in exchange for cash, that way I am learning and earning from the work involved.</li>

</ol>

<p>Obviously this will be disused with my sister first to ask what she wants, if none of the above work for her, without any negotiations then I’ll gladly pull out, the stress involved isn’t worth it.<br>

All in all I have learned that if this was a stranger the option would be completely different and that my travel and expenses plus the video published is none negotiable.<br>

Been family, it’s a difficult one so I’ll learn from this situation and for whatever choice I make on the final outcome.<br>

Again I thank you all for your kind advice, really much appreciated; it’s good to know there are great people out there with good advice.<br>

Good luck with your own lives and the choices you make.<br>

James</p>

<p> </p>

[john_h.1]

<p>You know your sister and family best James. I'm sure you'll take whatever advice you deem worthy of consideration under advisement and use you best judgment. One way or another, you'll be there for your sister which is good.</p>