nagya Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 I received an email yesterday about a groom that I took pictures of in Dec. He was 20 yrs old and very close to his mother. She emailed me and said he had been killed a week ago. I won't go into details because it's not necessary, but it hit me hard. I had prepared myself for the bad photos, bad brides etc....but not for death. I don't know why because I have had plenty of friends and loved ones die. So I pose the question....what can I do for his mother. We all get close to the families we shoot because we spend to much time with them not too. I am going to make a cd of all of the images from the wedding and send it to her, but should I do something else? Like a snapfish book or something. Has this happened to any of you and what did you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenacolson Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Amanda, what about offering to put together an album of some of her favorite images of him? Or yes, creating a coffee table album (small) of any pics you have of him from the wedding. She might not take you up on it, but it's the thought that counts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schnellimages Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Amanda, This happened to me about 10 years ago. My wife's boss asked me to shoot his son's wedding. It was a great affair and they seemed pleased with the work. Two month's later the groom was killed in an auto accident. It hit me very hard as well. You do become a part of these people's lives in a very real way. I think a book of his images would be a very kind gesture. Something that might be very hard for the family to look at initially, but would probably treasure over time. My only concern is that it might be very soon for this kind of thing. I am sure other's will have other ideas as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisa_berry___northampton_m Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 you're right to act straight from your compassion. you do have one thing in your hands to offer consolation and that's memory. a small album is a good idea; maybe you can sift through the photos and find the ones where he is looking very natural, the sneaky shots where you might have caught bits of his real personality, and present her with a small album of these. if there is a funeral on the horizon, see what you can provide her in time for the services. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellis_vener_photography Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 make a really nice print of him, mat it and frame it. Take it by with a short note. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leslie_pattison Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Us catholics prepare 'memorial cards'. I don't know other religions, but if the mother/family were practicing whatevers, it might be an alternative idea, rather than the usual saint or statue stuck on the front of the card. When my Mum died, I went back to her hometown & took pics of the church that she grew up in. My own pic of her & words that I knew she would have said. A more personal view for the rest of the family to remember her by. Just a different viewpoint for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annealmasy Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 I wouldn't do anything that requires the mother's input. She is grieving, and likely does not want to think about which picture she would want in an album. I would make a set of 4x6 prints of every image of him from the wedding and put them in a nice book. Send it with flowers and a note. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nagya Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 Thanks so much for your advice. I won't consult the mother, I know it will be way to hard for her. Whatever I decide to do will be on my own. She lives 2 hours away so I will ship it to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david_schilling___chicago_ Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 It's nice of you to be this thoughtful. I would probably put together a DVD of the wedding and present it in a leather case along with a 4x6 print of a fav wedding image. The DVD folios that I have fit the DVD on the inside right with a matted opening for a 4x6 print on the inside left. Offerring to do an album is kinda more than just thoughtful and might leave mom thinking that she should pay for it or something toward it. A nice framed print with a short note as Ellis suggested would also be a nice gesture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy s. Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Nice framed print of her and her son, of just her son with a note is a very nice idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alec_myers Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 I'd be tempted to do nothing (except maybe send a card) for at least a few weeks. Now is not the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ben_rubinstein___mancheste1664880652 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 I shot portraits for a college, a few months later one of the pupils was killed in a car crash. I phoned the secretary and asked if I could send an 8X10" to his parents (the original pics were tiny and made into a collage poster). They told me that now wasn't the time, it was still too fresh. I got a lot of orders for 7X5's (at cost only of course) from his friends and the picture ended up on a memorial booklet, it was a very tight knit community. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nagya Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 I have to add that the mother and I are closer than the average wedding. She is a wedding coordinator in another town about 2hrs away. She has sent me at least 5 weddings since Dec. so I have spent some time with her. We typically are involved in the same weddings so we talk and eat together. I feel like we've developed a friendship. I don't know if this changes your advice or not, but I thought it might be important to add. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Michael Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 `make a really nice print of him, mat it and frame it. Take it by with a short note.` without changing a word. ditto. WW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annealmasy Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 I have to disagree with the "now is not the time" comment. I have lost many people over the past several years, and there is NEVER a time when I do not want to be reminded of them, or how much they meant to me. It is ALWAYS the time. Pictures are among the most treasured possessions when it comes to lost loved ones. A portrait as a gift will not be unappreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Michael Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 >>> I have to disagree with the "now is not the time" comment. <<< Correct, indefatigably. Your response, having received the news should be immediate and sincere. Your note should be short and in words with which you are comfortable. Such is basic in the rules of etiquette. Etiquette: which are often disregarded as outdated, but still has a place, and this is undeniably a place, for such rules to be followed. WW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nagya Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 Anne, I agree....I lost my father tragically when he was 45 and the only thing that I have left are the images. That's why I felt that I should do something. I can't put into words the horror that I felt when I got that call. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. What got me through it was organizing the photos for the funeral. So to me it was therapy. I would like to do the same for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mreul Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 do what your heart tells you....not what photo.net tells you...there are no rules except that everyone is an individual and what one on here would like isn't exactly what is "needed" by another...do what feels good for you to do in the situation...i'm sure that would be genuine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scott_brooks1 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Offer a slide show with wedding pics as well as personal pics from childhood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david_schilling___chicago_ Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 In deed, images can have a powerful healing quality. I would welcome anyone with strong portrait skills and the right kind of heart to join me and other volunteer photographers at NILMDTS: Founded by Sandy Puc http://nowilaymedowntosleep.org/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_h.1 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 People have different suggestions about when "the right time" is here because no one wants to cause a grieving loved one any more anguish and we are often uncertain if something we do or when we do something may cause some of its own grief. Photos are a unique and special way to preserve memories and are very valuable for that reason. (that's why there is a wedding photography industry) I don't think a family member who lost another will be insulted or caused further grief by sending something of such value soon. Its not like this poor mother is not going to have her son on her mind. Indeed, by calling, she seems to be reaching out emotionally to others as opposed to trying to shield herself from all that has happened. I think that anytime now is a good time to give her a valuable momento of her son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savagesax Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 You have to respect the family of course but I've always offered a framed print, whatever size they wish, sometimes it is placed at the altar or the entrance and often at the reception. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sher811 Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 I had a somewhat similar situation. I ended up making a slideshow and putting it to music and it was played at the memorial service :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nagya Posted June 15, 2007 Author Share Posted June 15, 2007 Thanks so much for your help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gregory_c Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 I had almost the same thing happen to me. It was in 2000, the groom got killed by a fired employee, offer a framed print. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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