Abuse

[ben_rubinstein___mancheste]

Wednesday I had the second wedding in a year where I've been widely

(verbally) abused by the family (not the paying side) for anything

from my choice of background, to my not taking an individual pose of

each sibling (there was not enough time, the B&G hadn't had their

portraits yet) and roundly condemned for not treating the wedding as

an all out even though I was being paid for my lowest budget package.

 

The mother of the bride apologised profusely for the other sides

behavior and added that as she was paying, she was calling the shots

and I should just ignore them, nevertheless it was pretty unpleasant.

 

I have a clause in my contract that states that I will walk out

without a refund at at my own discretion if subjected to abusive or

demeaning behavior, I don't have a very thick skin and it's hard to

work when you are being given dirty looks and snide comments, to your

face, through 10 hours of shooting.

 

What do you do in these situations and is that clause fair if they

are given warning in advance that the behavior is unacceptable and

that I'll leave if it continues?<div></div>

[nstock]

You HAVE to grow a thicker skin. Period.

 

Remember, by the time you get to these folks they are probably 3 sheets to the wind and enforcing your interpretation of "demeaning" and "abusive" will be hard to do in court if you walk.

 

I was taught to keep smiling, imagine everyone with no clothes on, and keep smiling, and take the photos and.. did I mention.. keep smiling?

 

It is tough to take sometimes.

 

I never discuss the package or coverage with ANYONE at a wedding. The ONLY one who hears that is the person paying the bill.

 

The one thing that cannot be over emphasized in this business is ppl skills and the ability to deal with crowds that are sometimes less than pleasant with plenty of free flowing alcohol.

[scarolinael]

Ditto!!!! Well said Nancy, and this old adage rings true, "If ya can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen"

[gaetano catelli]

<i>"it's hard to work when you are being given dirty looks and snide comments, to your face, through 10 hours of shooting."</i><p>

i'd take a picture of their "dirty looks" and explain that i'll be posting their pictures and their comments on my website. if asked why, i'd explain that i'd contracted to do "photojournalism" and "the public's right to know", etc.

<p>but, a true professional never leaves until the job is done.

[gwendlyn702]

I dont think walking out on a job is a good thing to do, or even have as a clause in your contract. I believe word of mouth is everything, and if you were to walk out on any event most importantly a wedding events, you can probably start kissing your reputation as a good photographer goodby. Instead, especially if the paying party is satisfied with your decisions, and is apologetic for there inlaws reactions, you have no worries just hold your head high, and smile as nancy said. Than when all is said and done, not only will you get compliments on your photos, but compliments as well, on how good you handled the situation with your professionalism. You have to be pretty thick skinned to be in this field, as in my earlier days of photography one of my clients asked me, "Do you do this for a living, or are you always this bossy?" lol I chuckled and said, both! Everyone else chuckled as well, and when the photos came back, not one person was displeased, and I made several referrals off of that one shoot.

[dai_hunter]

Put a can of Mace in your bag.

 

Think mailmen and dogs.

 

Hunter

[todd frederick]

I have had very few such situations, but I have noticed a more negative and hostile attitude in our society generally over the past 5 years or so, and this attitude flows over into our work.

 

I usually only have problems with guest "experts" telling me how I should do it, or others with new pro cameras getting in my way. One actually stood in front of me, in the asile of the church, with flash blazing, during the ceremony, and wouldn't move. In another situation, I was photographing an outdoor ampitheater wedding and I had to position myself in front of some guests on the center aisle. From time to time I had to stand up to take certain photos and a lady behind me kept telling me to sit down. I told her I had to get the photos and she repied "F... you" which was recorded loud and clear on the video! :~)

 

Anyway, such things happen. The only time I would leave an event is if the situation became dangerous and the police arrived, which happend once (though I stayed).

 

I usually try to dicsuss the problem with the paying client and/or the B&G if they are sober.

[steve_levine]

I would politely smile, and explain that ,I'm doing the job I promised the bride I would. And we would appreciate it if you would kindly keep your comments to yourself and cooperate, thank you.

[KenPapai]

I have a very short fuse with incosiderate people when they lecture me or get in my way. I confront them the *second* time (you get one free bad strike) they make their mistake and let them know in no uncertain terms that their behavior or advice will quit NOW else it escalates immediately to the boss.

[KenPapai]

...and yes, you are correct -- your posted sample portrait has a wonderful background and nice technique on the shot. Well done Ben. I would guess the bride is very happy with your work (was that bounce flash with a 580EX?).

[steve_renwick]

Remember that you only had to deal with it for a day. That poor sweet-looking lady in the picture has those clowns for relatives now!

[gary_irving1]

Hang in there Ben...we're all in this together! (Nice background)

 

Gary

[jasonsmith]

Ben

 

I would only be concerned with the Bride, Groom, and to some degree the person who is paying you. If someone in the party wants a quick shot in passing I normally wouldnt mind but any further interference then that and I would would point out the obvious.

 

1) You have been hired to photograph the Bride and Groom who have agreed on what they wish you to do on the day.

2) You are a professional who has done this a few times before - there is nothing to stop them blazing away with their digicams on their own

 

As for "dirty looks" - well who cares really. If some moron wants to glare at you for a few hours I wouldnt be too concerned.

[ben_rubinstein___mancheste]

thanks guys!! shot was taken with two studio lights with umbrellas 1:2 ratio. that comment about the girl having to deal with it is very true, her new husband was a real gentleman right the way through. it was his sisters and mother her were so obnoxious.

 

You're right, from now on I'll just refer all comments to those who pay me. I do have a thick skin, but what I had to go through that day was pretty upsetting. I kept my cool of course, was polite and tried to explain. Someone watching commented on how patient I was being, the abusers were anything but subtle in front of the other guests! Thanks again, I hope not to have to deal with it in the future.

[photoreu]

I'm with Ken. I've seen this exact thing happen to two different photographers (I was second shooting). The first smiled and said nothing... we continued shooting and made it through a long, miserable event. The second guy I was with bit back. "Can you see through this lens? Do I come to your work and tell you how it's done?" etc etc... he was not happy.. BUT, they apologized and SHUT UP. We finished the event with not one more comment. Some people just have these personalities that make them extremely difficult to work with. What I've learned is that they understand their own language best. You can't let people walk all over you. (You also dont want to start a fistfight at someone's wedding though - I'm not encouraging that.. just need to stand up for yourself sometimes).