<blockquote>
<p>The message is fine for your intended audience, but you might consider hiring an editor, or consulting with another copywriter, to help convey the desired tone for a predominantly English speaking audience.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>I guess that, unlike me, you're a native English speaker. The text sounds odd to you?</p>
<p>Btw, thanks for your intention about breaking captions.</p>