Kelsey

Camera set to Monochrome, house light and my 430EX2 Speedlight

of camera.

 I have been loving shooting my SB900 behind a small flash soft box and move it in really close....you can get really soft light with the flash for this, and larger catch lights....that or a shoot through umbrella....have you tried those?  

what light modifier if any was used here?  

You may also experiment with a reflector for fill a bit as well if you have not yet done it as such....

Also may be careful shooting at 1/60 shutter speed...since you are doing flash for this portrait, I just usually bump it up to a more comfortable 1/125-1/200 to avoid any camera shake and subsequent softening....

Love the pose and expression...posing people is something I REALLY suck at...it is a problem....although I do not shoot professionally by a long shot, just an enthusiast.

Ok, take care....ok, hope these thoughts from a fellow relatively new strobist....you can check my gallery for my modest attempts as well.... take care....Ellery

Dave,

  Since lighting and exposure are already discussed, let me mention retouching after the picture is processed.  Many do not want to do this but the picture is clearly in the glamour category, so I would suggest that maximizing the little things would help  a great deal.  The particular lighting has emphasized the natural puffy lower lids to leave hard lines, the upper chin under the lips seems to have darker marks and your lighting has left highlights in the moisture of her gums above her teeth.  All of these could be successfully improved with minimal retouching.

Jerry

I like the composition and how the light falls on the model, her expression is perfect. A small adjustment in the lighter part of the shoot would be nice to ad a tad bit more contrast I think a small bump in the brighter 1/3 of the histogram would be nice to try.

Great work.

Best regards Tore

Overall I think it's a nice picture, but the face is out of focus and there's not much if any separation between the background and her hair. You actually lose her hair on the back side, which I'm thinking could've been handled with another light or close in reflector.