Advice for Couples who decide to let a family friend take their Wedding photos

[victoria_sprung]

<p>Hi everyone,</p>

<p>Recently I had a Bride inform me, before meeting with me, that they have decided to let a family friend Photograph their Wedding. I would like to know how you all deal with this in your professions. I very much want to respond with why they shouldn't rely on a photographer who doesn't have specific Wedding experience with some of the most important pictures of their lives. However, I wouldn't want to overstep my boundaries as a professional.<br>

Do you ever respond with FAQs, or links to articles on why it's so important to hire a professional Wedding Photographer? If so, will you share those links here?<br>

Or do you politely thank them for their time, and wish them the best?</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

<p>Victoria</p>

[juanita_ramirez]

<p>I thank them for their time and wish them the best. I don't do self-laudatory blog-posts about how great I am or how hard I work. I don't lecture them on the importance of the day. Generally they simply don't value their wedding pictures enough to pay my prices for me. Now, it's true that a day might come (provided they're still married) when they'd prefer that they got better wedding photos, but today they don't care, and I'm not going to push.</p>

<p>Here's why I don't push. They don't value my (or other photographer's) service. Even if I persuaded them to go with me, they are going to buy my cheapest package. They are going to demand twice as much for their cheap package as someone who actually values my work/time/skills. In that case they're more trouble than they're worth. I'm already quite affordable relative to my skill level, though, so maybe someone who is more pricey relative to what they are able to deliver would have a different view. I'm not a sales(wo)man. My product's a good one and it sells itself.</p>

<p>I'm not big on FAQ's either. I don't know if they persuade clients, but they don't impress me at all. Maybe it's because I tend to see those kinds of FAQs on sub-par photographers' websites. Others will have different views on this topic.</p>

[bill_clark___minnetonka_mi]

<p>I wish them the best.</p>

<p>It's like trying to push water uphill to attempt to change their minds. </p>

 

[mark_t5]

<p>Wish em the best.</p>

<p>If a couple has to resort to their friends to shoot their wedding, chances are that they simply do not have a budget big enough to afford a professional photographer, so why bother trying to convince them otherwise... they are simply not the type of customers that I aim for.</p>

<p>At this point telling them how bad it may be is just counter productive. You are not going to get anything out of them, and they just going to feel bad by your horror stories, and may even feel that you just suck for telling them what to do.</p>

<p>wish them the best and walk away. If things explode, they won't think it is your fault.</p>

<p> </p>

[swilson]

<p >I have to wonder how many people view their wedding photos as "some of the most important pictures of their lives", I know we don't view our wedding photos that way and don't know why we would and I don't know many people who view their wedding photos that as all the important.</p>

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[william-porter]

<p>Me personally, I wish 'em luck and I say a prayer for the couple and especially for their photographer.</p>

<p>I quite understand how difficult it is these days to sell people on the idea that a pro photographer makes a difference. But if we can't do that, well, what else can we do? Scold them for being too dumb to recognize quality?</p>

<p>The economy is bad. A lot of people simply cannot afford to pay $1000-$2000 for an experienced pro photographer. Some people can't afford $500! </p>

<p>Will</p>

[irusan]

<p>Hi Victoria,</p>

<p>I am a bit different, I suppose. I want every single bride that I come into contact with, regardless of whether or not they hire me, to have the best wedding photos that they can.</p>

<p>In this type of scenario, I would definitely say to them that I appreciate that they told me and I also then offer them a short write up of what to tell that family member/friend to do and what to have prepared. It's not a condescending "they're gonna screw up" article but a helpful checklist of what needs to be in place. I do this for several reasons:</p>

<ul>

<li>It's possible (but not likely) that they will see what I, as a pro shooter, will bring to the table and decide to hire me. Okay, that has NEVER happened but for the price of a piece of paper printed off my laserjet, why not?</li>

<li>Some of the stuff on there really is important for the person taking the pictures to know and, if the article is taken to heart, maybe the bride's pictures won't be that bad. Maybe.</li>

<li>Maybe the bride will share it with her friend and the friend will decide not to shoot it and hire me instead (okay, again, hasn't happened yet)</li>

<li>Those of us who shoot weddings professionally know that the likelihood of the bride getting decent pictures is pretty low. Maybe one of the bride's friends will be married soon and the bride can tell her "Don't ask a family member because I did and am really disappointed; get a real photographer. Oh, and Rob Domaschuk was incredibly helpful and nice!" This, BTW, <em>has</em> happened.</li>

<li>It helps to educate brides and their friends/family about everything that goes into shooting a wedding beyond the snapping of a picture. </li>

<li>Finally, wedding photographers in the past few years have done an excellent job of giving ourselves a reputation for being divas and the hardest vendor to work with. Sure, it's just a drop in the bucket, but I want to do what I can to fight that reputation and being helpful is an easy action to take.</li>

</ul>

<p>The bride isn't going to hire me anyway at this point, so what is it costing me to be helpful and offer some advice through a one or two page article? The potential benefits so outweigh the disadvantages that I can't imagine stopping this practice.</p>

[irusan]

<p>Will wrote:</p>

<blockquote>

<p>The economy is bad. A lot of people simply cannot afford to pay $1000-$2000 for an experienced pro photographer. Some people can't afford $500!</p>

</blockquote>

<p>I can't agree more. I typically put potential clients into three categories: those that can (and will) pay $$$ for a pro photographer, those that can but don't know why they should, and those who can't afford to pay.</p>

<p>For the people in the last category, thank goodness that there are people on craigslist and such willing to shoot an entire wedding day for $300. Yeah, they likely won't get amazing photos but, if they can't afford a pro anyway, at least they will have some photographs.</p>

<p>The people in the first category are a God-send!</p>

<p>It's those in the second category that are the challenge and the reason that I am willing to talk to, and help out, when I can.</p>

[victoria_sprung]

<p>Thanks for the responses, everyone!<br>

I am torn between genuinely being concerned for them that they may get subpar photos, and just letting it go and remaining a consummate professional. I think what I have arrived at is wishing them the best, and then offering advice if they choose to ask for it.<br>

It has been helpful to hear all your opinions, and I welcome more.</p>

 

[william-porter]

<p>Victoria,</p>

<p>You can't be "torn." I doubt that anybody signs every client that contacts them. Losing potential clients is simply part of the business. </p>

<p>And besides, you never know. They may be telling you a white lie. Perhaps they hired somebody else and they just didn't want to say that. </p>

<p>Will</p>

[victoria_sprung]

<p>William,</p>

<p>I'm not 'torn' because I didn't sign them, I'm 'torn' because I have a genuine concern for those who rely on non-professionals to photograph their Wedding, versus a need to be a professional and not offer un-solicited advice.<br>

I'm not sure why they would need to tell a white lie at this point, since the extent of my contact (before a consultation took place) was just a few emails. I guess you do never know, though.<br>

Reflected on what was said a few responses back, it's a very good point that those who decide to have a friend or family member shoot their Wedding probably don't have photography high on their list anyway. Everyone has their 'must haves' for their Weddings, and not all of them include great Photography!</p>

 

[mike_earussi1]

<p>Victoria, being a professional <em>landscape</em> photographer I've been on the receiving end of the "since you are a photographer would you mind shooting my (or my friends) wedding for free" request several times over the years, and so I've developed a little schpeel for those occasions.<br>

The first thing I tell them is that I'm NOT a wedding photographer any more than a GP is a brain surgeon--the only similarity is that they are both MDs--and that if they can actually afford a professional wedding photographer they should hire one, as they'll be much happier with the final product. This, hopefully weeds out those who actually have the money but are just trying to be cheap. But if I determine that they actually are too poor to afford one then I'll go ahead and shoot it but with the warning that I guarantee nothing.</p>

<p>As for what you can do, I like Rob's suggestion of offering them a really long and detailed check list of everything that needs to be shot for a wedding so that they can give it to their "photographer" friend. Hopefully, that kind of a list will shock them into reality. But if it doesn't at least you've tried to be helpful with some good advice.</p>

[sam_ellis]

<p>You wish them the best and move on. They may already have regrets about who is shooting their wedding, do you want to make it worse for them? Some people don't have a choice. Hounding them about it isn't going to win you any clients.<br>

I've come to the realization that a wedding is different for every couple. Some people could care less about the photography. Some people get married in a courtroom. My sister got married the other week and I had my associate photographer shoot it. I knew she wasn't going to spend any real money on photos. In fact, we didn't even take ANY after the ceremony except the two of them.<br>

Photography is the most important thing to US, not everyone. I don't have a single wedding photo displayed in my house, but I have a ton of photos of my kids- THOSE are the most important pictures in my life. I think of it in terms of a car buff- some people appreciate a fine automobile, some just need a ride from point A to B. Some are willing to catch a ride with a family friend LOL!</p>

[william-porter]

<p>No doubt, photography matters more to some couples than others. Some probably don't give a darn about it. And some are probably misguided or have low esthetic standards: They like the immediacy of photos taken with an iPhone more than the je ne sais quoi that someone with a Canon 5D MkII would give them.</p>

<p>But I'll say it again: Some folks are just plain broke. </p>

<p>And I'll add something else that I hope doesn't get me kicked out of this wonderful community for heresy: Photography shouldn't be the most important thing about getting married. Not for anybody. I suppose Prince Charles and Princess Diana were doomed from the get-go. But having the best photography and videography money could buy certainly didn't do THEM any good.</p>

<p>When my wife and I got married, I was a grad student, she was basically jobless, and we were paying for the wedding ourselves. I think the entire shindig—including music, the reception, and her dress—for under $1000. True, that was back in $1975 when $1000 could actually do more than buy a couple tanks of gas. But we just couldn't afford a photographer. So we asked my brother-in-law. There was a snafu with the film at the processing place, and as a result, most of the rolls of film were lost, forever.</p>

<p>My brother in law was an avid amateur then, and still is. A pro would have done better. But the photos we do have from the wedding are precious to us and we're grateful that he was there to take them.</p>

<p>And they aren't precious because they are works of art. They are precious because of their content, because of who's in them. I looked at our few photos a year ago and was struck by how beautiful (and young!) my mother was then. I got choked up looking at my young wife. How we've changed, and yet here we still are together. </p>

<p>It's important to keep things in perspective. Somehow, the folks who don't hire us will perhaps manage to eke out a miserable, album-less existence of happy ignorance. I say, leave 'em happy.</p>

<p>Will</p>

[jschmitzphotos]

<p>I'm not a professional wedding photographer, but what about telling them you understand weddings are expensive, and for $XXX you will shoot the most important moment-the ceremony? I'm not sure if that's worth anyone's time, but perhaps that could make them (and you) feel better knowing that at least they have that important part covered.</p>

<p>Or, what about referring them to, say, a 2nd shooter you've worked with, or an assistant you had; someone you know who can take decent photos, but for less money? Then you're looking out for the couple, helping out a fellow photographer, and setting yourself up for possibly a great referral relationship.</p>

[daverhaas]

<p>Victoria - </p>

<p>When I first started doing wedding professionally, I tried to educate the brides that said - well we're just going to have a friend do it...but then I realized, as many have said here - that it is pushing water uphill. </p>

<p>People don't want to be educated - they want to pay what they want to pay and go on with their lives. If they wanted to be educated, they'd be taking a class someplace or listening to a wedding coordinator who'd be telling her to get a pro photographer. </p>

<p>FAQ's are okay, but they should be in an ad, brochure, or website - not something that you hand out after the bride informs you (meeting or not) that they have decided to go with a friend. </p>

<p>Dave</p>

 

[railphotog]

<p>I did part time weddings for 25 years or so, just a hobbyist making a few bucks. I had at least two couples tell me after I had shown my samples that a relative was going to take their photos instead. Can't recall the circumstances, but I happened to run into both of them some time after their weddings, I think I was somehow acquainted with their husbands. Both reported disasters, wished they had hired me instead. One wedding was done by a female relative who was a military photographer (!). Took the photos and film and was never heard from again when she went back to her unit. The other had an uncle take the photos and they weren't very good. I was semi sad for the couples, but also saying to myself "told ya so!". </p>

<p> </p>

[mike_hitchen]

<blockquote>

<p>I'm not sure why they would need to tell a white lie at this point,</p>

</blockquote>

<p>In general, people hate saying 'no' ( it is what a good salesman relies on) and they find it easier to give an excuse - rather like saying your cat is ill rather than say 'I don't want to come to your dinner party'.</p>

<p>But I agree - wish them well and offer some advice for their friend, it costs you nothing and adds goodwill. Add that you are always there to take some studio formals if they want. <br>

As Will says, photos are not important for everyone. We were one of those couples for whom the pictures were only for a record and we do not set a whole lot of store by them (we have looked at them probably twice in 9 years), and the decision to go bare minimum on the wedding pictures was not for financial reasons. We preferred to spend the money on inviting some more friends round and gettting more beer :o)</p>

 

[tina___cliff_t]

<p>We usually just wish them the best of luck, and offer them a photography check sheet, and some photography tips for the family member. We've also suggested having their family member/friend do a engagement session so they can see how the photos turn out. I have a couple who added me on their facebook after not booking with me who's friend did their photos for free (engagements & wedding), and they turned out amazing. So I try not to always look at this as a bad thing, we don't know the skill levels of other people, but we can always try our best to be helpful. :) </p>

[william-porter]

<p>David Hass writes:<strong><em> "People don't want to be educated - they want to pay what they want to pay and go on with their lives. If they wanted to be educated, they'd be taking a class someplace or listening to a wedding coordinator who'd be telling her to get a pro photographer."</em></strong></p>

<p>How true! And this has been a lesson that I personally have found very difficult to learn. I'm a former teacher and I have constantly to resist the impulse to start lecturing my clients. Actually, I don't resist the impulse as often as I ought to. I know that it does neither me nor them much good.</p>

<p>Will</p>

[jc5066]

<p><em>Recently I had a Bride inform me, before meeting with me, that they have decided to let a family friend Photograph their Wedding.</em></p>

<p>Why did you even meet with her?<br>

Wish them the best of luck and if they change their minds to give me a call.<em><br /></em></p>

[jim_ducey]

<p>I would tell them to watch this<br>

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=js7RzcdDcMs&feature=player_embedded">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=js7RzcdDcMs&feature=player_embedded</a><br>

Jim Ducey</p>

[daverhaas]

<p>Jon -<br>

I think the point is that the couple did NOT meet with Victoria, but instead called the day of the meeting or at some point BEFORE meeting with her to say that they decided to go the relative route for photos.</p>

<p>As for it being a "white lie" or fabrication - I find that couples generally have no problem in telling photographers or other vendors that they have found someone else. Since in most cases they view the photographer as a vendor - they are more likely to be open and honest in my experience.</p>

<p>I've had instances where the couple had an appointment booked and they found another photographer between the time they booked the meeting with me and the actual meeting...stuff happens. I've also had a couple cancel after they booked and paid retainer - in favor of the family photographer... in both cases I wished them well - in the later they also received a letter stating that the contract was terminated and that I was released from performing any further work for them, which I had them sign and send back to me.<br>

@Will -<br>

I know what you mean - I teach part time - and it is a difficult thing to turn off. But I find that my classes now are much less me lecturing and more conversations with the students... So my "lecture" if any to brides is more of a conversation with them.<br>

Dave</p>

<p> </p>

[er1]

<p>I want the bride and groom to have the best Wedding photos possible but in this situation I would suggest a few helpful tips to the bride and groom. Perhaps I could offer them bare bones Wedding coverage in which my photos would be far superior to that of a family member.<br>

The likelihood of the bride receiving any acceptable pictures taken by friends and family members is slim to none and every pro knows that. Being helpful and friendly goes a long way by word of mouth for future opportunities.</p>

<ul>

<li>There are so many untalented 'photographers' out there that I would like to do my part to prove there are still professionals available that truly care about Wedding and Event photography and are good at their profession.</li>

</ul>

<p>To be considerate and helpful are payoff's in and of itself. Again, the word of mouth advertising will be a bonus in the end.<br>

Ed Richter</p>

[craig_gillette]

<p>You probably can't help them by hurting yourself by shooting a short, cheap session on a wedding Saturday. They still get reduced coverage and you may well cut yourself out of a much larger gig. That doesn't mean you might not want to offer a less pricey alternative, but not on a Saturday. They aren't likely to reschedule but they may well be able to get in an hour or a couple of hours on a Thursday or Monday, etc..</p>