Bride has a wandering eye

[jeff_livacich]

<p>And I thought Strabismus was a violin...</p>

[photom]

<p>Make sure the bride thinks you are happily married. Usually works.</p>

[david_marshall9]

<p>I am a male with mostly-corrected Strabismus and found this topic by searching for tips on how best to "hide" my condition in photos. There have been a few people who replied to this topic who either have Strabismus or know someone who does. I want to add my voice to the discussion, though it hasn't been breached in some time now. This will be difficult for me to write, but I feel it needs to be added to the conversation. <br /><br />Most people who suffer from Strabismus are painfully aware they have it. It can be crippling socially. As they say, the eyes are the "window to the soul". If that is true, then many of us who live with the condition consider our windows broken, the house in a state of ruin. We tend to avoid eye contact which makes meaningful conversation difficult, not to mention making it nigh impossible for strangers to trust us. For many, the psychological scars run deep. Can you imagine a life of painful isolation where you feel inferior to everyone around you? Or avoiding children because you know they will eventually pop "the question"? And please understand. This is not blaming the innocent child for not understanding that some people look different. It's about the crushing embarrassment brought on by the question itself. I learned to shave by feeling my way around my face to avoid seeing myself in the mirror. This is life with Strabismus for many. <br>

Most physical ailments are taboo to speak of in a derogatory manner. This certainly isn't true of Strabismus. In Hollywood, the condition is fair game. Mike Myers used it as a running gag in the movie "A View From The Top". Steve Buscemi played a cross-eyed character is "Mr. Deeds" named "Crazy Eyes". I won't bore everyone with an exhaustive list of characters who suffer from the condition or cite every instance of "cross-eyed" referenced with scorn, but I will say I have yet to find a single portrayal that casts such characters in a positive light. The characters are always unintelligent and often referred to in some way as being "crazy". Without fail the condition is played for laughs. I saw "A View From The Top" when it came out and waited for the theater to empty before leaving. I literally wanted to hide from the world. Or die. I didn't care which at the moment. <br /><br /><br>

Suffering with Strabismus is also a surefire ticket to having one's intelligence questioned. I've had people ask my friends or family if I could comprehend what they were saying or ask what was wrong with me as if I weren't standing there. One girl asked my nephew if I was "retarded". I shook my head, smiled, and replied that I was college-educated with an IQ of 170. I considered some snappy comebacks about her lack of social skills but elected to navigate the high road. I was once passed over for a promotion at work because the boss assumed I wasn't "all there because of my crazy-ass eyes" as he told a co-worker. Yes, I could have pursued a lawsuit but that would have meant drawing attention to my condition. <br /><br /><br>

Until recently I avoided photographs altogether. My friends and family have very few pictures of me. My son brought me out of my shell somewhat when he was born. I refused to allow my condition to rob him of pictures with his father. I still feel that apprehension when the cameras come out even though my eyes are mostly corrected now, meaning a medical professional can spot the Strabismus but the average person cannot. <br>

I wish such struggles were unique to me but unfortunately that isn't the case. I belong to two online groups dedicated to the challenges of living with Strabismus. In ten years of interacting with thousands of others who suffer from the condition, I've found an overwhelming majority also suffer extreme depression and other social disorders. I saw a survey once of over 1,000 Strabismus patients and a significant majority said they would trade up to twenty years of life expectancy in exchange for normal eye alignment. Think about how crippling the condition is for even one to make such a statement! Unfortunately, too many sufferers are suicidal or hurt themselves in some manner such as cutting, etc. I once considered gouging out my bad eye so I could cover it with a patch. That may sound insane but think about it. Those characters are often suave and debonair swashbuckling types, a romantic ideal. On the soap opera "Days Of Our Lives", the character Patch was portrayed as sexy and dangerous. I doubt that would be the case if he suffered from Strabismus. Comic relief would have been the best he could hope for. <br /><br /><br>

The condition clearly isn't a laughing matter. For many, it means a lifetime of alienation and deep wounds that never heal, always fresh like a scab that was violently ripped away. <br>

So to answer the question of how to handle a photography session when dealing with Strabismus, I would say do so very carefully. Even the most well-intentioned comment can crush a person's already low self-esteem. I don't believe pointing out the bride's condition has value in such a case. She already knows she has Strabismus. Drawing focus to it would take the wind right out of her sails on what should be a happy occasion. <br /><br />Instead, be discreet in positioning her in such ways as to minimize the misalignment. If you want to do her a REAL favor, pose her with some pictures in profile. Such shots would include bride and groom holding hands gazing lovingly into one another's eyes with the "bad" eye away from the camera, a shot of them kissing, etc. For many sufferers, a spouse is the ONE person whose gaze they trust. Use that to your advantage. During a summer day wedding or a beach wedding, you could even have a fun shot of the wedding party outdoors in sunglasses! Be creative! If suggested in a way that doesn't seem to draw attention to the bride or groom's eyes, I guarantee the shot will not only yield a very relaxed subject but produce a photo that would be treasured for many years. <br>

Someone mentioned using Photoshop to correct the alignment. No! No! No! No! No! Absolutely not, unless the Strabismus sufferer requests it first. At that point they've engaged you in dialogue about their condition. I had some pictures corrected once without being told. While I appreciated the straight eyes staring back at me, it was a painful reminder that there was something so terribly wrong with me that the photographer took it on themselves to "fix" me, lest I "ruin" their work. <br /><br /><br />Most of all remain cognizant of the situation and respectful throughout. Wishing all you photographers the best! </p>