I was tired all day yesterday.....

[jim_galli4]

I was tired all day yesterday because I had stayed up past midnight to make a print. And then had to get up at 4:23 AM to get to work. I wanted to see for myself that my vision was indeed intact. It is. Worth it? You bet.

 

<p>

 

For me the biggest problem in my creative adventure isn't magic bullets (although I do have a philosophy that seems to be working) but time. I started out on this journey knowing that I would fill a dumpster with bad prints before I ever made a good one. It has proven true.

 

<p>

 

My problem: I'm teetering on the commitment ledge that falls off into the black unknown. Lately I've been adding up how much time I can devote to this creative effort and stay in balance with a family that has constant needs and demands, my wife who I promised long ago to hold in priority, a job that pays a fair $ and expects a fair return on the investment, friendships with demands, faith with demands and on and on, ad-infinitum ad-nausium. When I get to the end of that equation I'm down to minutes........that's right minutes per year that I can use to express my creativity and make real advances towards excellence. It is frustrating. Maddening! Meanwhile the dumpster sits there waiting!

 

<p>

 

Do the guys I read about in magazines with the fabulous work and dream darkrooms have wives and broken down cars and houses with pealing paint, or has their commitment to the craft made them walk away from all that to pursue the goal. I'm painfully aware that Weston abandoned his family to go to Mexico. I'm not willing to do that so I ultimately may be just one of the very many who doesn't get to the magazine pages.

 

<p>

 

Just venting a bit. It's nice when you know you're not the only wacko in the world and this forum goes a long way, for me at least, by giving me a peek into what others are experiencing. In Central Nevada I truly am the only wacko. Anybody got a late 150mm Xenotar?

[scott walton]

Jim, For what it's worth... welcome to the club! As far as the wife,

job and faith are concerned...inescapeable... friends should be

understanding or you should put them in perspective. I'm a commercial

shooter and love it, just redid the darkroom, have an absolutely great

wife (although like any good wife... high maintenance [HMW as I would

joking say to her]) and a small child whom I love them both dearly.

Sometimes I have the need to "escape" and go shoot pretty pictures so I

plan a long weekend so I can get away and shoot my 4x5 and recharge my

creative batteries. This weekend/week will usually surfice for 2 months

at best as far as the "itch" goes. Shooting during the day does help

and the corporate stuff enables me to be somewhat creative but I do,

like you, still need the creative outlet so we do what we have to do

and on those long nights in the darkroom, I highly recommend espresso

the next day!

Good luck,

Cheers

[pemongillo]

Jim, I completely relate to what you are experiencing. Probably not

to the extent though. My son is grown, I don't have a wife , but I

do have a live in girlfriend and a job, other artistic endervors

(dance) and a number of friends that I backpack, ride mountain bikes

with and have lunch and dinner with. My girlfriend is also a

photographer so she is supportive of my efforts, but I have to

continualy fight the urge to completely withdraw into photography.

However,I am nt willing to give up the other stuff and feel like I am

burning the candle at both ends. I think my money making job has

definately suffered. However, I can see the light at the end of the

tunnel. I will no longer need to work in two years and my 53 year

old body isn't going to be able to do the kind of rigorous activity

that I now do too much longer. Things should begin to get a bit more

mellow and I will have more time to market my portfolio. Keep on

truckin Jim.

 

<p>

 

Paul

[michael_kadillak3]

While I was within the corporate working world, photography was most

difficult if not impossible. Add the demands for a family, wife and

all of the other responsibilities and the frustration mounts as you

clearly are feeling now. It was nearly 10 years from the date in the

front of Adams "Negative" to where I arrived at a solution that

balances it all. But photography was not the only stimulus for

reaching from beyond the status quo to a better situation for myself

and my family.

 

<p>

 

I got caught up in one of those corporate fiascos where management

was interested in finding out how many employees they could get

another 20% more work out of without a pay raise. Needless to say, I

got my walking papers out the door and had the opportunity to re-

assess my priorities and start fresh. I concluded that: 1) My

corporate job was at an efficieny level of about 20% because of to

many meetings and knucklehead management, 2) I was not involved at

all with my family because of travel and the general feeling of

belonging to my "job", 3) I was constantly stressed out about the

perception (not the actual numbers) of what I accomplished at my

previous job and 4) I needed to find a way to have it all - my

photography, family time and financial freedom.

 

<p>

 

How did I do it? I started my own company two years ago after finding

a service niche that was not being filled that let me work out of my

house making more than I imagined with the ability to set my own

schedule, take my kids to school and my wife out to breakfast when we

want and create the flexibility to build a darkroon and make

photographs at my descretion.

 

<p>

 

I content that anyone that can succeed in the corporate world already

has the skill set to make it on their own. All that they are lacking

is the balls to make it happen. Reminds me of the age old

axiom "Sometimes the Greatest Risk is Not Taking One".

 

<p>

 

My point is that you can attain all that you want to with good

planning and photography does not have to take a back seat.

 

<p>

 

Good luck.

[jonathan brewer]

Upon telling my wife that I was getting a 8x10 camera, her

response was 'Oh I see, you're too lazy to do your 8x10 prints

anymore, you gotta go and get a camera that does it for you'.

[david_leblanc]

That's funny because lately I've been using 4x5 for the convenience of

Polaroids. I don't have an enlarger at home so it's great to get a

direct print right away (I like to pretend they're contact prints). Now

if only Polaroids weren't so schizophrenic about their EI...

[james_chinn]

When i read your post i felt like I was reading my biography. Not

only is time an issue with my wife, work and two daughters (ages 18m

and 5yrs) but so is the amount I can budget towards my passion. I

had to make a major shift in gears when the kids came along and my

darkroom time went from 4hr sessions 5 or 6 nights aweek and

photographing anytime i wanted outside of work, to maybe 2hrs a night

3 nights a week and except for occaisonal day trips only a few hours

a week with the camera. Fortunatley my oldest daughter has an

interest in photography and comes along with me to shoot, so that is

increasing my time out somewhat.

 

<p>

 

So what to do? I don't hold any illusions about chucking everything

and doing this full time, but i have learned to work within my

limitations. My phtographic interests and projects suit where I live

and where I can go for a day of shooting. I use a JOBO processor

which allows me to do other things like while the film is processed.

I standardized on a couple of developers, a few papers and 2 films

for large format. This doesn't mean I don't try new things, but I

have certain predictable results with my standards which saves time

and paper when printing.

 

<p>

 

When I print, i work on two negs at a time, usally one is in

prelimnary stages determining manipulation decisions, then i will end

the session working to have a finished fine print from another

negative a began in another session. The only real washing needed

then is the finished fine print(s). If toning, or spot bleaching is

required on a print, i will substitue that process for one of the

negs.

 

The real frustration comes in when you have planned time to print

some exciting negs that you processed the night before, and your

daughter wants to play, or the other one is sick, or you had to bring

work home etc etc. My family is the priority, so i just have to make

do. I don't get as much done as i like, but i know the situation

will not last forever, and I like to beleive that the few images I do

complete to my satisfaction are well worth the effort.

 

<p>

 

i really don't have any other choice. Photography and the creative

outlet it gives me is the counterbalance i need for the rest of my

crazy life.

 

<p>

 

It also helps to appreciate the passions of your wife and kids. It

makes it easier for them to understand my near obsession.

[scott_hamming]

Having just begun down this road myself I can certainly empathise. I

have 2 kids, 2 1/2 and 7 months, neither of which goes to bed on my

(darkroom) schedule :) I am limited to 1 night per week (on rare

occasion 2) and dont get started until 10pm. A few minutes later in

the DR and it's 2 am, knowing full well that one if not both of the

kids will be up early and rare'in to go, and the multiple commitments

of the weekend. At this time I'm not even developing my negs (take

them to a private lab) due to the time contraints and limited space

for storing the chemicals. After much internal turmoil I have come

to the conclusion that my photography will, to some extent, suffer

(maybe I should say "evolve" at a VERY slow pace) for some time to

come. This is not to say that I sacrifice quality for time's

sake...just that I am aware of the self-imposed limitations to

shooting (and the learning curve to go with it) and the total control

processing would allow. My wife thinks I'm too obsessive about the

final print as is. I'm simply an obsessed weekend warrior, and of

course get to take lots of shots of my fondest subjects - the kids.

Regardless, I can't imagine NOT being involved in photography and

dream of the day when both kids will go to bed at 7:30, let alone be

old enough to do their own thing. It's all a matter of

perspective...

[david_f._stein]

Great discussion, Jim. Thanks for sharing and starting it. I think

there are always times when "it doesn't go like we would like it to."

We don't get into graduate school. Our portfolio is rejected. We

can't afford the paints and canvas. My answer has been is that if we

have something inside that needs expression and is worth communicating

to others, if we have the passion, it will find a way of being

expressed. Can't afford a camera, learn to draw with pencils. No one

will publish our work, start a web site or self-publish. It's the

vigor and committment and honesty of the expression that coun

[jeff_buckels]

Jim: I'm in the same situation as you. For the foreseeable future I

see no prospect of increasing the time I have to devote to

photography. I've been thinking lately, though, about how I spend the

time I do have. I tend to lose focus. I start a promising project

(e.g., still lifes under the skylight in the kitchen), but before I

can finish it, some real busy phase at my job intervenes, time passes,

and before I get back to the promising project, I get interested in

something else ("scraggly trees I see on my route to work"). So I end

up scattered. But I have an idea! At this moment I have essentially

three photographic projects going. I'm going to choose one of them,

define it narrowly, and say that I will have ten images in that vein

finished and ready to display by, say, March 1st. In the meantime, I

will not permit digressions into the other projects or any new

projects. Isn't this a good idea!? -jeff buckels (albuquerque)

[wayne_crider4]

Probably best just to schedule the time whenever, and let everyone

know that during such and such hours Dad is recharging by being

creative. Next best course is the $100 have fun shopping bribe.

I have found that having loads of time doesn't necessairly translate

into more work being produced. It's just to easy to say I'll do it

later since there are no obligations to stand in the way.

[don_welch]

Jim, this is obviously a very important topic to a lot of us. Scott,

you talked about the constraints that having little kids puts on you.

When my boys became teenagers, they had to have separate bedrooms, so

there went my darkroom for a while. When they were both in college,

and I finally had the money to do so, I completely rebuilt my

darkroom and furnished it with the best equipment. Of course, at that

point the very job that allowed me to finance all that took up all my

time, so I was just as frustrated. I finally settled on a schedule

of late night darkroom work, 2-3 nights a week, because my wife goes

to bed early to get to work early. Other nights I often have to go

back to the office to work. So I never sleep, I've cut years off my

life expectancy, but I do finally get to turn out prints from a well

planned and comfortable darkroom. The trade-offs are always there.

Like now, I have only a fuzzy memory of what my dreams were when I

was 25 or 30, or how I thought I was going to achieve them. Dreams

can evolve and should to keep you going instead of giving up.

[sandy_sorlien]

I agree with Wayne. I don't have kids at home, but I have a husband

who likes my company and I teach part-time and train for marathons and

write essays... you get the picture, we all have many competing

interests and obligations. For me the best thing to do to get creative

work done is schedule it in advance, be firm, get off the internet,

and work like hell shooting for one week or whatever amount of time

you can get away (or into the darkroom). Wayne is right that more time

does not translate into more or better work. It's _intensity_ that

produces good work for me. When I return from a trip I have lots of

negatives (processsed in motel bathrooms) waiting to be printed, and

their presence creates an additional impetus to reject the less

important diversions (internet, TV) and make prints instead.

 

<p>

 

I once read an essay by a writer with three children. She said she got

the same amount of writing done now as she did before she had kids,

she just had to squeeze it into a much shorter time.

 

<p>

 

Cheers,

Sandy

[psychophoto]

A lot of us really do have the same sort of difficulties. I can't

claim to be in quite the same position, but it's difficult

nonetheless. I'm going on 20, I'm a sophmore in college, and

photography is my life. When I say it's my life, I mean it's my

major, my hobby, my consuming passion. And yet, I still have trouble

finding the time and resources for it. I've been sinking virtually

every penny I've made into equipment, film, and chemistry since my

freshman year of high school, and I've spent probably on average 4-5

hours a day since then doing something photography-related, whether

it be shooting, darkroom work, or usually just research.

<p>

My set of challenges are similar in some ways and different, too.

I'm completely far away from marriage at this point in my life- hell,

I haven't had a date in almost a year. I can't afford a car, so I

can't get anywhere to even make any money while I'm at school. My

biggest challenge really is funding. While I'm at school, I don't

have a job. I'm in the perfect demographic to not be elligable for

any scholarships or financial aid. My parents are in the middle of

trying to sell the house right now, and they're paying two mortages

until the house here sells, so they can't help me out. I had to work

60 hours a week in a warehouse all last summer to be able to afford

the 90mm lens I needed for my architectural work, I'm probably going

to have to take out a loan to buy my new 4x5 system, and I'm already

taking out a loan for a computer. Factor in other things like the

$5,000.00 medium format system I'm required to have by the university

and I'm positively drained. I sell plasma half the time when I'm at

school just to have enough cash to buy 8x10 film so I can continue

shooting to keep myself sane.

<P>

Time is a problem, too, at school. All fall I worked on an

independent study project in architectural photography. Simple

enough, but with that plus three other very demanding classes,

darkroom work, running errands for people for pocket change, and

trying to remember to take time out to eat, I found myself

perpetually fatigued, broke, and without enough time to get all my

work done. I'm home on break now, but even though I'm home and don't

have a way to get to a job for the next 6 weeks (3 people + one car =

me not having a job), I still have trouble finding time to get things

done. Between making prints to try and sell, trying to get my site

on-line, vacating the house for showings, etc, it's practically

impossible to get things done.

<p>

Figures....I have to get out of the house now because there's a

showing at 6:00. You're not alone Jim, in your strife. I think the

responses to this post have already proven that. Who knows, maybe

it'll all work out for us sheet film addicts. Good luck to all.

[jonathan brewer]

Wayne.....I don't know how long you've been married, but for me

the 'have fun shopping bribe' has passed $100.00 a long time ago(for

my personal projects and ideas).

 

<p>

 

The most important thing in life to me, is the love you get from

from family and friends and especially the 'goodwill' you can get from

strangers. Love and friendship mean everything, and they'll save you

in a crisis when money won't. I remember being in a south american

country, and being told to give up my camera, and having four

guys(I'll never forget 'em) come over to where I was and chasing off

the folks who were about to take my camera.

 

 

<p>

 

The undercurrent of anxiety and frustration juggling important

aspects of ones life, I've felt for several long periords in my life.

When I go through one of these periods, I try to remind myself that

there is somebody somewhere paralyzed from the neck down, who wouldn't

hesitate to change places with me in a 'New York minute'.

 

<p>

 

As you get older, and lose relative and friends, you become

thankful to just be alive and have someone around who cares about you.

Most the people I've seen who've had the roughest time going through

mid-life and beyond were people who didn't have anybody. None of us

on this post really have it that bad from what I've read. Reminding

myself of this while I walk along the beach relieves me of a lot of

the frustrations I put myself through.

[jonathan brewer]

I can't resist telling this about one of my neighbors. I try to

walk four miles a day in the morning when I first get up. About a

mile into my walk one day, I pass by the house of a very nice lady who

lives by herself whose husband had died and her kids had grown up and

left a long time ago(and they never visit). I said hello to her one

day and 'how are you doing?' and she responded 'fine, if anybody

cares'.

 

<p>

 

I talked with her for awhile. I didn't question and I didn't

intrude, but the substance of what she said amounted to 'I just don't

care anymore, 'cause nobody else does'. She seemed to have had a

string of bad days, complicated by the fact that her children never

came around, they call or send cards, and that's just not getting it.

 

<p>

 

She seemed to be down for a couple of week but then snapped out

of it. Her dog brought her ought of it. He's a happy dog, and she

now says the dogs love means as much to her as anybodies. I know she

doesn't mean that, and at the same time I know what she means.

 

<p>

 

I've asked her to let me do a Portrait of her and her dog, and

she says 'maybe some day'.

[emile_de_leon9]

Always an interesting dynamic between the gravity of life and the

pull toward artistic evolution...and how these two interact,feed,and

conflict with the artist.In my days as a Jazz drummer there were

always the top 40 guys that were constantly complaining that when

they had enough time or money or support they would go for what they

really wanted...a jazz or classical carrer. This enevitably never

happened. We often disscussed this and came to the conclusion that

if you want it, NOW is the time!Also that, top 40 was what they

really wanted to do, since they were doing it!

My now departed mother was a very well known pianist working in

N.Y.C.... and when the classical piano and modern dance world told

her she was crazy to have a family ...she did it anyway and was very

successful there with 6 kids too. Her piano instructor though dumped

her when she got pregnant so there are dues to be paid of

course....she was 21. When she was 13 she won the New York piano

finals making her the best 13 year old classical pianist in the

country....to have her teacher of many years go cold was a great

blow.

Anyway...... the way she balanced a big career and family was

this...Music and work came first. Since my dad was gone by then, the

children understood that there was absolutly no interuptions when a

lesson or rehersal was going on. There was no discussing it... that

was law...if she didnt work ...we didnt eat....I dont think

people/children in general understand the needs of a working

artist...this needs to be understood...there has to be respect

there... for the art.... and the adult is the primary force in

this... not the kids. Many people have this ass backwards...with the

kids running the show. With the tail wagging the dog!Many parents

are weak in this. I remember having a deep respect for the

arts/artist instilled by my mom....this made us independent and

knowing our limits in a defined and positive way, as kids. This

might not work for everyone but it worked for us. A less responsible

or energetic parent/artist might have a problem working this way.

Most great artists are supported in a big way as kids or as

adults ... physically and emotionally for their art... before they

take off...and also in the lean times. But.. they give the art their

first priority ....do or die! Most of us are not able or willing to

commit to that level....and especially in adulthood as life takes

over.

The most we can muster is a balanced approach...Working with

intensity and soul in the time we have to do it. And producing good

work.The world as well as the artist still profit and eventually if

you dont give up.... the world may accept and smile at your talent.

[jonathan brewer]

Emile....Your mom obviously did a great balancing act. I agree

with being the adult and taking charge of your kids and I would add

this.

 

<p>

 

That family and friendship will serve you when nothing else will.

Survival for all of us means at some time in our lives we are helped

by others. There were a couple of times in my life that I wouldn't be

here to practice my art and/or have a great family and kids for that

matter, if it hadn't been for the help of someone else.

 

<p>

 

There has to be discipline and denial to eventually good at

anything. Emile makes a good point about the dynamic of a family

and the way it should be. Some folks take this to the

extreme(Emile...this doesn't refer to what you said) and are willing

to sacfifice anything and anybody and at that point it becomes a

selfish pursuit.

 

<p>

 

To be totally selfish is in fact, an act of self betrayal. If

you only want to look out for yourself, that's all you'll have looking

out for you. If you look out for nine other people and they are

looking out for you, then you've got 10 people who care about you, not

one. Doing the math on this one makes it a simple choice for me.

[skygzr]

Jim, you obviously hit a nerve. No, the balance is not at all easy.

I tend to be a solitary type to begin with (my sister used to call

me "mole man" when I was a kid). Shooting and darkroom work are both

solitary endevors; what we have here is a classic positive feedback

loop. Solitude begets solitude.

 

<p>

 

I just exited the darkroom after a four hour session. Before I left

for work, I got the space ready for tonight. I planned refinements

to the print while I was at work. I ate a sandwich in the car on the

way home so I could get busy right away. Is there such a thing as a

healthy obsession? I sure hope so.

 

<p>

 

I was dating an artist a few months ago. She was somewhat of a loner,

too, and claimed that someone devoted to their art may have to make

sacrifices in other areas, like relationships. Did I see that one

coming? Of course not (if you're out there, call me, you sweet

rascal!).

 

<p>

 

I don't have a point or a conclusion, other than "I feel your pain".

You read about people who win the lottery, and then keep going to

work at the brick factory because they can't imagine doing anything

else (stunned silence). Friends, if I ever hit the jackpot, I doubt

I'd even come back from lunch. I'd be on the phone to B&H ordering

up some new magic bullets, uh, I mean lenses.

[jim_galli4]

Thank-you one and all!! I'm overwhelmed. If no one had posted I

would have felt better anyways for just shouting out loud. But what a

wonderful group and what great ideas and truths. You've all said it

in one way or the other; What artist ever had it easy, didn't have to

make some conscious hard choices, didn't have to struggle with the

balance, isn't guilty of some wasted time, (got me Sandy, if I threw

this computer away the minutes would add up) hasn't made mistakes. If

it was easy, where would the passion be. The value in the work may

just be in the fact that we choose to do it instead of idling in front

of the TV with a beer. Thanks all, very much. Jim

[wes_carroll]

I got frustrated and totally gave up on photography for nearly seven

years. I had pretty good luck selling my 35mm work and decided to

move up to 4x5. I really enjoyed the challenge but had become

frustrated with the few publishers I was dealing with. They would be

working on a project and want a certain picture sent instantly to

meet tomorrow's deadline. I guess they thought I sat at home

constantly waiting for them to call. I found it was impossible to

come home from work, get the material they wanted and get it to Fed

Ex on time. I finally quit photography completly. The money wasn't

enough to justify the hassle. This Sept. I decided to drag out my

cameras and shoot up some outdated film I had in the fridge, just to

use it up. Damn it, I got hooked again. I'm taking a different

approach this time. I'm doing photography strictly for my enjoyment,

No more deciding not to make a picture of something just because it

probably won't sell. I don't care! I do strictly color

transpariencies and just send the film out for processing. I'd love

to do black and white, but I don't have a darkroom or the time. I am

near retirement and will get there sooner if I keep my photography

expenses down. Maybe then I can do more with my photos. For now I

plan on keeping it simple so I can simply enjoy it.

[bruce_schultz]

Wow, did you ever hit a nerve! I have 7 pieces of film to develop and

I haven't made the time since last week to do it. That's probably

because I recently decided to take up the fiddle. It's an instant

means of self-expression, unlike photography. So now I'll fiddle

while prints are in the wash.

Then there's whitewater kayaking, fishing, duck hunting, woodworking,

writing, etc. Maybe one day I'll grow up and decide what I want to

do, but right now it seems I want to do it all, and as a result I

haven't achieved a mastery in any particular area. If I could find a

modestly profitable work-at-home scenario, I'd grab it in a

heartbeat, but I'd probably lose money because of competing interests.

I find that I go through seasons with photography. Since I live in a

semi-tropical climate I don't lug my 8x10 around during summer

months. But this fall I didn't get the urge for photography until a

vacation. I'll rejuvenate my passion in a week or 2 when making

prints for Christmas gifts.

I couldn't imagine focusing just on photography, although I went

through that phase in my college days when I always carried a camera

and spent ridiculous amounts of time in a darkroom at the expense of

my education and other things of major importance.

[wes_carroll]

To add to my earlier post, yes there are the other interests to get

in the way too. Playing guitar, making guitars,exploring the net.

I don't remember who it was, but a very rich man advised to restrict

yourself to only one hobby. Making money apparently was his hobby?

I'd love to be rich simply because it would buy the freedom to do

what I want to do. What's the sense of trying to be the richest

person in the cemetary if you didn't enjoy life on the way?

[james phillips]

Jim,

 

<p>

 

Wow! Two things in one week, first the "Magic Bullet Club" and now I

get to join the "Who has any time Society". :>) Boy do I feel a lot

better and like I really belong here. Just like yourself I am a

husband, provider, parent (2 teen children..sports, concerts, school

activities) and lastly over busy employee trying to find some

personal time. I have my own story but most of it has been already

mentioned in this thread. So as I have always believed "Never

mention a problem unless you are ready to suggest a solution" Here

goes... Perhaps some of us hobby types could keep in contact and set

up a monthly goal in regards to shooting and printing. I realize

that this will not solve the time problem but it may help us to

focus that precious time while learning a bit from each other and

enjoying some "photo pals". Maybe somebody like a "Doug Paramore"

who is actively instructing classes might rise to the challenge of

bringing us together via the net and share our interests and

sucesses. Just a thought...

 

<p>

 

Regards

[nicholas_f._jones]

According to my personal scheme of things (essentially rooted through

a grandparent in late 19th c. rural protestantism supplemented by a

1950s upbringing), photography (or any other avocation) must always

give way to demands of family, profession, and church, but even so

that still leaves lots of room. If my pursuit of LF photography is

obsessive, it's because it has become my *only* avocation--and that

goes for time, money, and expenditure of energy. But if you're going

to have an all-consuming hobby, you could do a lot worse than LF

since it's potentially so multi-faceted. If you let it, it ramifies

into all sorts of interesting directions. Physics, optics, chemistry

cannot be entirely avoided. My subjects enhance already existing

interests in the natural world, local history, and the formal

esthetic aspects of everyday objects, not to mention new approaches

to the family portrait. The antecedents of the craft allow me

personally to revist my west coast origins, sometimes in a very

literal and direct way. Study of the masters opens up new (for me)

vistas of artistic appreciation and criticism. So, if this is an

obsession, at least it's one with significant compensation for what

I'm giving up, for the other things I could be doing with the time,

money, and energy.

 

<p>

 

All our children are well along, and it's getting to be the time for

me and my wife to do things together again, just the two of us but

often with the much-cherished company of our adult downs syndrome

son. Marilyn is very interested in LF photography (after all, she

was party to most of the 10,000 snapshots that wore out our Nikkormat

FTN) and has a very good sense of LF procedure and mechanics, esp.

the movements. Ned carries the tripod and film holders, and often

releases the shutter, necessarily so for the occasional portrait of

Mom and Dad. Not at all a solitary activity to feel guilty about,

not that that would have been feasible anyway since our 8x10 rig is

too big and heavy even for a large man like me.

 

<p>

 

Expense is a matter of concern, as I gather it is for most of us.

What protects me (relatively speaking) from over-indulgence is my

photographic orientation. Although I'm entirely self-taught, I still

have mentors: my studio portrait photographer father and the group

f.64 masters whose life stories, subjects, and even life-styles

have such enduring resonances for both of us. They define the craft

for me; I have no desire to go beyond the genre as they understood

and practiced it, whatever the technical merits of the medium (say,

digital) might be. My (unrelated) professional work takes care of any

impulses towards pioneering originality I might possess. All I need

is the wooden 8x10 field, three lenses, and an apparatus for contact

printing that rivals EW's cabin in its simplicity. For me, it's all

about family tradition, nostalgia, subjects, the process, the craft

as it was practiced at mid-century.

 

<p>

 

Sometimes a week or more goes by with no field or darkroom work, but

this morning I was up at 5:00 am printing test RC's of the latest

batch of Tri-X negs. After a half day at the office (it's the day

before T'giving for crying out loud, and as it turned out I was the

only the person there), I drove our 14 year old daughter into

Pittsburgh for choir practice. It was late afternoon and we were

headed south with a bright sun sinking to our right. The trees to

either side of the road along with the brilliant highlights on the

utility wires suggested photographic possibilities. "Did you know

that Ansel Adams once shot into the sun. He called it 'The Black

Sun', and if I ever understand how he did it, I'd like to give it a

try." Now, on the left we're pulling even with a church with a

cemetery before it, the gravestones bathed in brilliant

sunlight. "This reminds me of another Ansel Adams shot, his most

famous, called 'Moonrise, Hernandez, New Mexico'. Did I ever tell

you the story about how he got that shot?" "Countless times," Alice

said. "You get so excited. It's like the Super Bowl for you." She

didn't know how right she was. Best to all and good light. Nick.

 

<p>