UnRomantic Uncomfortable Couples

[elaine marie]

Lately it seems that a lot of my couples (engagement and wedding) seems to lack any romance towards each other

when it comes to posing for pictures.They act like they don't even like each other or they are so shy that

they don't know how to touch each other. They just stand there so uncomfortable. I know that is can be because of

a lot of different reasons.<p>

One couple it was just their very shy personalities,one couple it was there very religious back ground that they

just don't show affection I don't believe they had even kissed until the wedding.One couple had already lived

together and seemed uninterested in each other.<P>I am also coming across a lot of immature grooms that can only

make jokes and be goofy when trying to do any romantic poses with them.I try to encourage them and make them

comfortable but sometimes I feel like it is such hard work to get anything creative out of most of my couples.<p>

Don't get me wrong I love having a good time and doing fun poses but when trying to get the couple to be romantic

,when it's just not natural to them ,how do you accomplish this? Or do you just not even try and just get some

basic poses with them. I think in the end I usually manage to get some great shots that look natural but I have

to work sooo hard at it. Is it just the couples I am getting, or does everyone have to work really hard at this.

Please share any great techniques that you have come up with for getting couples to relax with each other and

really get into each other.<p>

 

Thanks,<p>

 

Elaine

[david_schilling___chicago_]

Firstly, I think it is not natural to get romantic in front of a stranger with a camera unless you've got a very unusual

personality and chemistry. I think it's up to you to model being relaxed, spontaneous, and fun, then you can attempt

to bring out what's already in the couple rather than have them perform for the camera. Intimacy can be captured with

and without the romance.....perhaps you can look for what's there. Calling your grooms immature for failing to live up

to your expectations seems rather inapproriate and judgemental to me.

[DickArnold]

The only thing worse is when a wedding party is so hungover, and in so much pain, that all they can do scowl. Been there,

photographed that agony. The colors were nice but the faces weren't. No way I could make anyone smile. They just glared at

each other and at me. The vows were mumbled.

[sam_ellis]

Elaine,

I feel your pain. I've seen your work before and know that it's not a lack of experience or talent on your part. I think there are just some couples who are naturally uncomfortable in front of a camera. That's one of the reasons I try to do an engagement session with every couple, to give them some experience with me and to find out if there are any issues. I have one couple coming up who seem awkward with each other, they're just not natural with each other when the camera is pointed at them. I'm going to spend some extra time with them beforehand to get them to relax with me. For me, that's the key, just keep shooting and then they start to relax a little. It takes effort to be tense, eventually they start to relax a little.

 

Unfortunately, not every couple is going to be a portfolio builder. Yes, it's our job to bring out the best in people, but there are some tough nuts to crack out there. As for the goofiness, I think it's a digital camera age where people are so used to hamming it up for the camera that they don't know how to pose. I got an inquiry through MySpace once and I was glad I was already booked because every shot of this girl had some stupid pouty face/head tilt...every photo.

 

I think you've just got some tough couples lately. Judging by your website, I don't think you need to worry.

 

Sam

[wedding-photography-denver]

Pre qualify your couples at the time of interview. Don't just book everyone who asks. Sound exclusive? Well, it is!!!

 

Here is the basis for my approach. Firstly, how did they find me. If that was just browsing the internet, I am

more reserved in judgment. In this case I offer to meet without any preconceived notions or commitments from

them, or indeed to them. Once at the meeting, I suggest that they like what I show, or please don't book me. This

helps them to really pay attention to the feel of the work they see. I also throw in a comment about how the

chemistry with me needs to feel right to them and to me in order that they will feel ok on the day. If we get

past that, and we mutually decide I am a good fit for them, I then set up an engagement session. That time is

less about me showing off skill and art, and more about them and helping them to relax in front of the camera.

That approach works for me and means 50% of those who look at me don't book me, another 15% I suggest to other

photogs, and the rest (about 1 in 3) I book and we do pretty well together.

 

It's not like most businesses where you want customers. Here in this biz, you really want to gain a client who

will be connected to you at a more emotional level. Someone who feels about you shooting their day, as if a

friend were there, not a "vendor".

 

Most of my clients are referrals from other couples and parents etc. In those cases, its usually a slam dunk as

to the fit. They have seen my work, they have often met me already and liked how I worked. This pre-qualifies

about 90% of my requirements and is just then a case of meeting to see that the chemistry works well too.

 

Hope that helps with another perspective.

Best, D.

[elaine marie]

David,<p>

I did not mean to come off as being judgemental but I guess thats how it came out. I seriously have had a string

of very difficult ones not just one or two but several in a row so maybe my frustration has gotten the best of

me. Because it is usually a stressed,hurried,span of time that I have to spend with the couple I don't always

have time to wait until they are comfortable and relaxed with each other in front of the camera <p>Maybe that is

the root of my frustration. Feeling sooooo rushed all the time.You know, when the sun is setting, the guests are

waiting and the mom is breathing down your neck...are you done yet? <p>I guess I need to be more firm on the time

I need set a side for the couples pictures so we can all relax and get the shots that I know they have hired me

to get.<p>

Sam,<P> Thank you for your understanding and insight. I am adding the engagement session with my packages for

next year for

that very reason. I do feel I struggle less with the couples that I have done their engagement shoot.I have a

better feel for them and they feel a little

more at ease with me. But I have a lot of out of town brides that come to my area to get married and we don't

meet until the night before at the rehearsal which I try to attend in that case.<P>David,<p>

great advise from you. I need to rethink my entire approach to booking my brides.<p>

Thank you,<p>

 

Elaine

[david_schilling___chicago_]

"Maybe that is the root of my frustration. Feeling sooooo rushed all the time.You know, when the sun is setting, the guests are waiting and the mom is breathing down your neck...are you done yet? I guess I need to be more firm on the time I need set a side for the couples pictures so we can all relax and get the shots that I know they have hired me to get...."

 

This is why it so important for you to model being relaxed and work within the time constraints of the day. In your initial meetings with the B/G you can always layout a timeline and the goals/expectations of the images, but these are just goals and weddings rarely follow the schedule exactly. Rather than being "more firm" on the time you want to set aside for the photos, be flexable with your expectations, relax, and be more fun with the time that is available. If the groom is a jokester, be sure to capture that in the images. If the couple is shy/reserved, then find a way to bring that out in the images and capture who they are. When you get a couple who are romantic, then bring that out but in the meantime you need to play the cards that you've been delt.

[gregory_c]

Oh yeah, been there done that. The B&G would not even touch each other for photos. We tried the romantic poses; bride touching groom's face, groom looking in brides eyes, touching her chin, she had nothing to do with those poses. Man, I bet they had a boring honeymoon.

[steve_c.5]

I feel the pain on this one. Some couples are so naturally affectionate and photogenic, or at least go along with my suggestions for poses and shots wholeheartedly. Others are stiff, uncomfortable, and not that pretty to look at. They just don't know what to do with themselves.

 

Usually, the girls are a little easier than the guys, because they've spent a lot more time in front of the camera and the mirror than guys do. It's understood that most guys aren't used to being photographed. I do everything I can to put them at ease. I tell them we're trying to capture the romance that brought the two of them together, and that everyone has an inner "supermodel" inside (most don't, but I tell them they do anyway, hoping they'll start to believe it as we shoot). Surprisingly, many guys actually get more interested during the engagement shoot, and even start suggestion locations and poses. The more I can get them looking at each other and being romantic, the less they concentrate on me and do that voodoo that they do so well.

 

I don't like coming home with a bunch of shots where they're all looking at the camera, I want plenty of them showing affection to each other. One trick is to have the girl bring along a best friend, someone that knows them both, that they can play to, who can take their mind off what I'm doing, joke with them, etc. Another is for the girl to bring a prop, like a bouquet of fresh-cut flowers with ribbon.

 

In the end, just be professional and shoot the best you can.

[picturesque]

Backing way up, I'd first find out whether they want these highly romantic type shots. Believe it or not, some people don't. Usually they are either just interested in the more traditional type shots or fairly jaded and don't want the hyped up, dramatic, romantic stuff. I've had some brides tell me they just want a couple of nice shots of them standing together--no shots of them swooning over each other, etc.

 

So expectations first. Then, if they DO want romantic shots but they are awkward and shy, and haven't warmed up to me by the time I'm doing these shots (lots of times they are comfortable with me by then), I do fall back on some lightly romantic situations that almost anyone can do if directed. Example--they are just standing casually (not locked knees), holding hands and tipping their foreheads or noses together (either full length or close up). Just an example.

 

If the groom is goofy and embarrassed, I might do some very basic (the safe shots) ones first, then give them a script, so I don't have to try to direct him in great detail. I give them directions like, "Walk along this path, stop there, and look at each other, hug (or kiss, if it isn't too intimate), say somthing to each other and then resume walking past me." Then I'd be shooting as they did it. The only thing is--you have to tell them to slow down, because most will just zoom through it. You might even have to ask them to do it a couple of times.

 

The above might work on the disinterested couple as well--it isn't too difficult to do, but if I really am not getting anything from them, and/or the time is just incredibly tight, I can revert to a set of poses/situations that covers both the basics and just a bit more in a highly efficient sequence. It isn't ideal, but you get it done. Abbreviated example--Basic 1/2 length shot, then hug, cheek to cheek, then groom kisses bride on cheeck, then turn bride, second basic 1/2 length (prom shot), look at each other. You get the idea, the turns and body positions are maximized. You can put in other sequences and be shooting both half length, close-up and full length all the while. You can customize based on body type, etc. Don't be afraid to write these down. When I first started, I would have several different ones, and make some up after looking at the available backgrounds at the reception (or wherever). Over time, you don't need notes. Again--these aren't ideal, but they get the job done.

[brenda_jobe]

There was a couple only moments after their wedding who didn't know how to do anything but just sit on a bench outside the church - staring at me. After several attempts at telling the groom to kiss his bride on the lips or check, I realized it was her response that was the problem. So I asked her if she liked chocolate. She said yes with animation; I told her to think of the best chocolate she'd ever tasted just when he kissed her. I got an amazing photo of him nuzzling her neck with a sublime, closed-eye look on her uplifted face. Unless you know the background for the photo, you'd think she was experiencing a heavenly kiss, when in fact, she was fantasizing about chocolate!! I have to laugh every time I think of that couple!

[William Michael]

Leaving aside whether (or not) the couple want the romantic shots you outline (Good point) . . .

 

It all comes down to Rapport . . . and that does not (usually) happen at the shoot. It all begins at the initial (sales)

interview . . . it may take several hours to plan a shoot, but only several seconds to execute it.

 

If it is AT the Engagement Shoot that you are noticing the Groom is flippant or the Bride is reserved in showing her

emotion: then it is your method of interrogation / interviewing which is lacking.

 

If it was noted at the interview, and was planned for by you and still the shoot is lacking ``guts and emotion`` then

your method of extraction and or communication on the shoot is lacking.

 

You need to clearly identify which it is that is the problem: your (lack of) planning prior? or your extraction on the

day? . . . and hone those skills more.

 

It is not ``a fault`` that these personality types exist, in the first inst, and such will not be remedied by any ``poses``

or ``technical photographic skill``: it is better communication, planning and people skills, which will make it a

success.

 

WW

[William Michael]

And... just to crystal clear on my opinion . . . as, on a second read, I considered my post might be misinterpreted,

by you . . .

 

 

Judging from the (many) high quality examples of your work you have posted, it is not because you do not have

``umpapa`` and rapport with clients . . . but my above comments still apply.

 

We all have ``dips`` in enthusiasm, or whatever, and question our techniques, when we get a run of not so great

outcomes . . .

 

My advice still is to direct your energy to your communications / planning / people management / rapport / strategy /

planning PRIOR . . . rather than dwelling on a technical or magic photographic solution, at the shoot.

 

WW

[elaine marie]

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions.<P> I have taken to heart something from each and every one of you. I need to step back and rethink my whole business approach and my own attitude.

Thank you!!!<P>

Elaine

[stephen_kinosh]

I just shot what I refer to as a geek wedding. ( even the MOB said the same) Everyone in the bridal party exceopt had eother a Masters degree or a Phd. NO romance at all, vers tiff. ( Except for one brides maid that was very flirtaceous(sp). Pics come a good, ( could have been bveter with some kissing) and everyone was happy with the results.