Help with narrative

[catherinevankempen]

Hi all, I've been working on a photo story and I was wondering if you guys could critique my work in progress. I

think I'm still missing a couple of frames and I would like to reshoot some of the ones I have but before I go

back to the drawing board I'd like some honest advice from my favorite critics :) Please view this as a slide

show since it helps with the narrative. Thanks a bunch, Catherine.

 

http://www.photo.net/photodb/slideshow?folder_id=847521

[william_landon]

I like it. I can see it playing to the Bob Dylan tune, "Tangled Up in Blue"

[Norma Desmond]

I think it's a fascinating endeavor and I like the idea and a lot of the photos, the two chairs become characters in your

story and seem to have a relationship. What I'm not feeling is a consistency or thread either narratively or visually from

one photo to the next. I think more than the two chairs have to tie the piece together and I'd like to see more

compositional or actual visual or thematic relationships from photo to photo. There are some combinations that work

beautifully, for instance the transition from slide 2 to slide 3. There I get the sense that the two chairs have been sitting

near each other in the bar, then meet and join up. Other combos work well also. But later on you've got a few shots of the chairs more like

still lives

than in any context or with a background and I'm not sure how those fit in at that stage. If you want some isolated shots

like that, it would make more sense to start with those, introducing us to the characters, and then begin your story. I find

the transition to the long corridor (of the hotel?) a bit jarring, a good idea but I'd like some way to get there. I love the rain shot by the tennis

court and would follow that with the puddle shot for a thematic tie-in. I love the cemetery ones and would end with those. The bakery shot

seems a bit out of place. I think your

color palette holds your piece together quite nicely and your atmospherics are really great.

[catherinevankempen]

William, so here is where I 'fess up to my complete ignorance when it comes to music (my husband would be ashamed

of me since he is a musician). The first thing I'm doing after typing this answer is googling the song you

mentioned!

 

Fred, thank you so much for your insightful critique, your comment is exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping

for. I had my little story all worked out in my head but somehow between the working it out and the actual

shooting things tend to get jumbled. Add that to the embarrassment of showing up at the park or a bar (gasp)

with three chairs and shooting them ... welllll, you get the picture. I can promise you, I've gotten some pretty

weird looks working on this project.

[silverdae]

Ok- I thought that was fantastic.

 

I think you might be able to take some of the less interesting shots and express the same sentiment but in a different way. I would approach each shot and ask yourself "I've the emotion I wanted to express down, but is there a better way to visually express that?"

 

In short though, I loved it.

[michaelyoung]

That is very impressive, quite moving.

 

I'm not going to presume to give you any advice aside from "linger over it" because it's very much worth it.

[cooltpmd]

1st, I must say ... my 1st inclination was to have a prejudice against it, because it was going to be "campy".

 

I watched it all the way through and grew in appreciation for your clearly executed story.

 

Unlike Fred, I did see the thread forming, but I think the initial couple of shots need to establish the storyline a bit more clearly. I loved the marriage, child falling from swing, parents death ...

 

You really pulled it off. It was a seat story (did you see my play on words there?)

[fate_faith_change_chains]

I like the narrative, it's creative, and it's funny and tragic at the same time...Instead of the shot where they are in front of the

churchdoor I could also see a shot of them inside the church in front of the altar, with behind them al the empty churchchairs

as their friends and family, this would make it more as one big happy chairgatheringmoment ( although maybe a bit to

obvious ).

Also,two chairs of the same type but with different colors could have worked better maybe for visualizing that funky

chairlovingmoment ( placing them together, one on top of the other like you can do with those plastic chairs, and others ). I

can see a shot of the three chairs relaxing at the beach, under an umbrella.

The shot's on the cemetery could possibly be replaced with some less direct ones to indicate that they went to chairheaven.

( I can see mama chair and baby chair standing in front of blocks of cut of wood or in front of a

woodschreddingmachine,spewing daddy's legs out, but this would only work if it was a wooden chair. ). For the suicideshot,

maybe mamachair throwing herself in front of a giganticsaw.

I can even see the narrative going further with the chair that is left behind : longexposure shots of the chair surrounded by

the blurred activity of people that use it, because what else is there left for this chair to do instead of that what it does best,

being just a chair...

[mark_starr]

I laughed, I cried, I loved it! Not only was it a spectacular idea, it was carried out in a most spectacular fashion. Anyone who can get a viewer interested in a chair in the way you have is a genious. Not only are the photos beautiful (and the colors are wonderful throughout!) but I think you really did well with the story line. Perhaps there are a few shots to tweak, but boy have you nailed it. It is very inspiring to me to see what can be done when skill and thought are put to work. It is just amazing! I am so glad you shared it, and I hope to see the final sequencing!

Mark

[catherinevankempen]

First I would like to thank you all for your wonderful and insightful comments. You have all really inspired me

to work harder on this project. I always felt like I was having too much fun for it to be real photography but

reading your comments reminded me that photography doesn't always have to be serious to be good. In my dreams I

have envisioned this becoming a book (nothing wrong with thinking big right?), with more characters, a more

intricate story with more depth. I think this was exactly the push I needed to keep on going with it. I am so

glad I shared it with you all.

 

Jen -- I agree that some of the shots are lacking, I would like for all of the images together to tell a story

but I also want each and every one to stand alone.

 

Jacob -- Your comment is the one that gave me the most courage, I did feel this project wasn't "worth" it because

it seems to be rather frivolous, but the reason I started it was to talk about life, just in a different way.

 

Thomas -- "Campy" was what I dreaded most. I am soooo glad I managed to steer away from that ... at least in

your eyes! I think I will flesh the story out more and that would give me more of an opportunity to introduce

characters and give them more personality. I was worried doing to many introductory shots would leave me with a

whole lot of introduction and not enough story. Oh, and lovely play on words there ;)

 

Phylo -- I loved some of your ideas and am definitely going to use a few of them. I am totally sold on the beach

images and the inside the church shots (do you think a pastor would be offended if I ask him to stage a mock

wedding ?). The wood shredder idea is priceless and maybe Uncle Tony who's in the mob could get shredded at some

point ... hmmmmm ... I feel a story coming on.

 

Mark -- I love you and I love comments. This whole project came about because I want to do a life story but I

didn't want to work with people. I wanted to see if I would be able to get the viewer to identify with an

inanimate object. Thanks for your wonderful comments and for giving me the confidence to see this through. I

guess mama, papa, and baby chair are moving back into the trunk of my car.

 

Thank you all so much,

Cheers,

Catherine

[gordonjb]

I loved it! I agree there is a lot of room for fleshing this out and a book... why not.

[catherinevankempen]

Hi Gordon, I feel so pretentious even mentioning a book but I guess stranger things have happened right? Besides, even if the only people ever to see my book are my friends and family, it would still be mine. Thanks, Catherine.

[silverdae]

Absolutely do a book! With costs so low in printing coffee-table books, why not? I think that is a great idea.