How to say no to a friend about shooting their weeding

[martine]

Please help me be kind in turning her down.

 

I was more than happy to contribute my "photojournalism' style to the event but

I refuse to take on this event better left to professionnal in the wedding field

picture...

 

What can I tell her to CONVINCE her that is is best for her...???

Thanks in advance for your input!

[w.smith]

1) Tell her you've got a pressing engagement that prevents you from working that day: you

gotta go to the wedding of a dear friend.

 

2) Tell her you want to STAY friends, that you are not prepared to risk your friendship.

[ellis_vener_photography]

HAve you tried "I If I screw up or something outside of my control happens Idon't wantto ruin

our friendship". or "I appreciate that you like my work so much but I won't be able to

celebrate with you if I am working"?

 

How about "I can't because I have other plans that day. I am already invited to my friend's

wedding!"

[nancy s.]

"I take great photos and I am glad you realize that, but I have not done any weddings. The last time I took photos at my <nephew's birthday or other event> everyone complained because I took the photos and I made them all LOOK FAT...."

 

Seriously, No is a complete sentence. Tell her you would rather enjoy her wedding and celebrate with her and not have to "work."

 

You have a choice in this.

[ShunCheung]

Just tell her that you are uncomfortable with the responsibility, pressure, and expectations, and those are best left to the professionals to handle.

[BrianS1664879711]

I said "no" to a dear friend's request to photograph their wedding. I was dis-invited (it was a very small, very private affair). I was offended, but at least we remained friends. I think I said something like "it would be difficult for me to share in your joyful occasion if I am working..."

[frank_skomial]

Martine,

 

You are already in position that you may loose your friend by refusing, or by doing poor photos.

 

Do not lie to her. I believe you would attend the weddning if you were not a photographer ? You need to have a long and sincere conversation explaining possible implications.

 

If you have the time and equipment, practice a wedding shots, borrow some equipment you may need and test everything before wedding, and verify your results ahead of time, possibly giving feedback of your test results to your friend, and if that is bad, she will have chance to hire a Pro.

 

Since she placed some trust in your photo ability, perhaps you are able to do it.

 

After all your efforts and explanations, if you loose a friend as a result of your photos, perhaps the friend was not worth keeping ?

[jessica_smith9]

"I appreciate your confidence in my ability, but my skills are not in wedding photography it is in ______. Wedding photography is a completely different beast all together. It requires equiptment that I do not have, and skills and experience that I feel I don't meet. I'd hate to be personally responsible for testing out my lack of wedding experience at your wedding. I'd be happy to refer you to someone I trust (if you know another photographer), or help you find a photographer whom I feel meets your artistic vision and has the requisite experience."

[paullehmann]

"I thought about trying to do weddings until I took my camera to XXX's wedding and snapped pics. I was embarrassed with what came out, and I would have been horrified if I had to GIVE those to the bride and groom.

 

"I learned the hard way that day that wedding pros do much more than push buttons, and their worth the money they make.

 

"I recommend photographer X. I know enough about photography to tell you that he/she does good work."

[annealmasy]

"I would much rather enjoy your wedding as a guest. If I have to work the whole time, I won't

get to celebrate!"

 

Bottom line? It's your call. They can't MAKE you do this. Stick to your guns.

[jim_z]

Perhaps it may depend on the kind of wedding it is as to whether you wish to attempt it. For instance, if it is a very small wedding & reception where the couple doesn't have a lot of money to spend, you may be the only way they have any decent wedding pictures at all, and if you take great photos otherwise you may wish to give it a try (hint: read books and search the internet for picture and posing samples). This assumes you have the equipment capable of doing the job (just the kit lens and pop up flash won't do it).

 

However, if it is a big fancy affair you are absolutely right to say "no" if you haven't shot any weddings before. I shoot the small weddings, and small Bar & Bat Mitzvah's celebrations too, when asked, but I will not accept a large event even for friends because I know I don't have the equipment, and more importantly the multiple assistants working for me, to do justice for such overblown .... uh, I meant "grand" ... events.

 

 

Jim

[Gary Naka]

First off, is she on a TIGHT budget and simply cannot afford a pro, or just does not want to spend the money for a pro?

 

If she canNOT afford a pro. I would do it, but make her understand that she is not going to get pro quality shots.

 

If she CAN afford a pro, I would tell her something like the following where I've turned down friends in the past.

 

"I do not have the wedding experience to expect that the photos will turnout good. There is more than a 50/50 chance that the photos will turn out bad, and you could end up with bad photos or worse case nothing. Your wedding is too important to take such a risk."

 

The other point is the formals, especially of the bride. Setting the dress, especially if it has a long train is almost an art. If she has such a dress, you could say you have no idea how to pose a dress with a long train, and it could come out looking bad.

 

The problem is many people ass-u-me that because you have a "fancy" camera, that you can take pro quality photos. And they don't understand the need and expense for backup gear, assistant, etc.

 

gud luk

[jessica_smith9]

I agree with Gary. I think many people who aren't photographers underestimate the amount of work that goes into it (especially wedding photography!). They see photos that are taken, and think they could take similar if not better photos without realizing the amount of experience, knowledge, investment in gear, and learning from mistakes it takes. I find that a lot of people who have photographer friends assume they can book them for free without regard to their specialty. I no longer work for free for my friends. This helps to weed out people who are just interested in cheap labor (with respect to them, and not understanding the elements) and those who are interested in my style and skill.

[steve_levine]

You have a decent eye. Why not go for it? IMHO, your folio is more interesting than many on board here.

[Mike Howard]

I agree with Steve. There is no reason skill wise not to do the wedding, especially if she cannot afford a pro. I have done several weddings for relatives who had no money who would have had no pictures without. I also shot one for a sister-in-law who hired Uncle Bob, his shots were awful. Of course this was all pre-digital and there weren't 300 people with prosumer cameras flashing away...

[jim_doty]

Don't lie. Don't put yourself down. Tell her what you told us. You are happy to contribute your photojournalistic style, but she should hire a professional photographer so you can enjoy the event.

 

Anne and others suggested nice ways to say this.

 

Jim

[timcorridan]

put your finger in a splint.

[john_h.1]

What sort of freind insists on having their freind perform work for them? Even if this is for pay, it is unbecoming to insist that a freind has to work for them, especially when the freind expresses discomfort at doing and reports that they are not qualified. Brian's presence was only of value if he performed labor. This is more about relationships than photography.

 

You might try an example that has nothing to do with the wedding they are so wrapped up in. Something about having qualified people to fix her car, repair her plumbing, performing surgery ect. My freind, an EMT might be good at stabalizing trauma victims, but I shouldn't insist that they perform heart surgery on me because I'm convinced that I want my freind to do it.

[simus]

Hi Martine,

 

I have already find myself in your situation. It was my cousin wedding. After explained the reasons, I told him to hire a qualified professional. In the same time I told him I would have been pleased to take some shot. So it was. Now, my cousin has, besides the professionally taker photos, some particular shots taken by me in bw in the moment when the photograph would not have been there with him. For exemple I shot many photos of him shaving, comeing out from the douche or putting on the tie, or mirroring while taking on the shirt. So this photos, despite the shots taken by the pro, are full of the sponaneity of that situation lived beetween my cousin and me.

I remember it as a pleasent, warm and joking situation.

 

Hope this helps,

 

Antonio

[conraderb]

martine - does the friend want to hire you because you are good or becuase she wants you to do a lot for little payment?

 

if you are not experienced, just say so and help her find someone else. if you are experienced but just don't want to do it, tell her that you really don't want the pressure of shooting for a friend, you would rather be a guest, etc, etc...that the results will be better if it is someone who isn't part of your friend group, someoen who has 'fresh eyes', etc, etc...

[eric_brophy1]

I must say that I like W. Smith's reply

 

"1) Tell her you've got a pressing engagement that prevents you from working that day: you gotta go to the wedding of a dear friend."

 

It adds a bit of levity while still making a point. Use that in addition to what others have said.

[martine]

I am very thankful, very appreciative of all the great comments, answers, and mostly the time you all contributed to my answer!

 

I believe I can make a sound decision with your precious contribution.

 

I am truly impressed and intend on making the best decision possible with your input.

 

Sincerely,

 

Martine

[michelle_rudland1]

Tell her that as a wedding photogapher, you can not be her friend/guest at the wedding...you will not be able to cheer or enjoy their special moments on the day as you will be too worried about captureing certian things and if you do start to enjoy their moments, you might miss something very important. Do you know any local photorgraphers you could recommend for her?

Michelle