Jewish Wedding protocols

[robert_k2]

Hi Guys,

 

I received a phone call from a prospect mother of the bride. She

asked me if I ever shot a Jewish wedding. They still did not hire me

yet but they are coming over to check my work this coming weekend.

 

I have shot all kinds of wedding, from Catholic to Greek Orthodox

three different Indian religions but I must admit I never shot a

Jewish wedding. Can you guys give me any pointers about the ceremony

and the protocols in the synagog. assumming they would hire me,I

would hate to do something disrespectful because of my ignorance.

 

 

Thank you

Robert Kapatais

[rich_dutchman1]

All of the Jewish officiants I've worked with have been liberal about photography. Just like priests, every rabbi is different, so just ask if the synagogue has any special rules.

 

I know they don't have any rules for videographers -- there is always a camera right behind the couple at every Jewish ceremony I've done.

 

Be prepared for when they lift up the couple and parents on chairs at the reception. Make sure you know when it's scheduled so you're ready with a wide lens.

[stacey d]

Hi Robert

As far as I know you are not allowed to shoot within a Synagogue. All of the Jewish

ceremonies I have shot have been within a non-religious building or outdoors. There is

first the Katuba signing (the Katuba is similar to the marriage license, in that it is the

signatures of the married couple and witnesses. However, it is much more meaningful or

less a legal document, in that it is usually prominently displayed in their home once the

wedding is said and done. Some are really ornate and cool. Some times the bride is

separated from the groom during this service; I have shot some where the bride and

groom are both in the room at the same time. Depends on how strict they are (and the

Rabbi). The ceremony itself is held under a Chuppa, sometimes they are handmade,

usually quite beautiful. The meaning is 'home'.

One thing you must ask of the Rabbi is whether or not photography is allowed during the

service. I have been to some where I could shoot away (respectfully, of course) and then

others where I had to stop shooting once the cantor stopped singing and then could start

up again just before the groom broke the glass (important shot!).

There are alot of great books out there that talk about the services, even Google-ing will

help. I know I have left out a number of interesting tid bits about the services/ceremony.

Good luck with your meeting, I hope you get the job!

SD<div></div>

[ben_rubinstein___mancheste]

I shoot only Jewish weddings, the more secular the wedding, the more restrictions on photography at the ceremony. That said I've only had one Rabbi who placed any real restriction on my photography, he didn't want flash.

 

Best idea is to contact the Rabbi or minister and check protocol for their synagogue. Hopefully they will be willing to go through the ceremony as well if you want.

[lex_jenkins]

One question that often comes up among non-Jews is whether to wear a yarmulka. In my experience it's a good practice. I've never known of any members of a Conservative or Reform synagogue to take offense at non-Jewish visitors wearing yarmulkas. Customs at Orthodox, Hassidic and other synagogues will probably differ.

 

You'll usually find yarmulkas for guests in a drawer or bin near the entrance to the synagogue. Be sure to bring a hairclip because guest yarmulkas are invariably made of a slippery material designed to slide off your noggin at the slightest tip of the head. Knit yarmulkas stay put better.

 

It's unlikely that you or anyone else will need a tallit (prayer shawl), altho' these too are usually available for guests for shabbat.

 

Here's a website describing typical Jewish wedding rituals. From a quick glance I'd say these lean toward the very traditional and you may not see some of these practices observed at some synagogues.

 

http://www.rebgoldie.com/Wedding.htm

 

Ben and others have described Orthodox and Hassidic weddings as somber affairs. I've never attended a wedding at those synagogues - in fact, I'm not sure I've ever been a shabbat guest either. The NYC businesses I visited that were owned by Orthodox and Hassidic Jews seemed quiet and reserved, with an underlying wry sense of humor. I would expect some of the same spirit to be present at a wedding.

 

It's safe to say that Judiasm in general is definitely not a "no fun allowed" religion. At certain holidays it would be poor form *not* to have fun, within the context and spirit of the occasion.

 

My friends and I were all members of Conservative and Reform denominations, which were very joyous, free-spirited places. I doubt you'll encounter many situations that might lead to serious gaffes.

 

I wouldn't sit or kneel on the steps to the dais unless specifically told by the rabbi that it's okay, even tho' I've done this routinely when shooting weddings at Christian churches. The dais is getting awfully close to where the torah scroll is stored, which makes it a "special access only" area for most purposes.

 

Anyway, as others have suggested, just chat with the rabbi about protocol. Ask to be introduced to the cantor. The cantor of the synagogue I attended as a kid was one of the most wonderful men I've ever known, a powerful, imposing fellow with a generous disposition and incredible voice. The couple may feel the same way about their cantor and want to be photographed together, so try not to overlook anyone.

 

Also, ask about other significant members of the synagogue family: Hebrew school teachers (mine was a gruff old fellow who always gave me a hard time about riding my bike on Shabbat, but I remember him with fondness), youth synagogue leaders, the teachers who coached them through their bar and bat mitvahs, summer camp counselors (it's not unusual for some synagogues and YMHA/YWHA organizations to sponsor daily or even summerlong camps), etc. These may be significant people in the lives of the married couple and they may want group photos with them. If you ask for a list of requisite photos from the parents they may inadvertently overlook some of these folks.

[al_kaplan1]

A few very liberal reformed synagogues may not require that men cover their heads when inside but as a general rule, whether or not you're Jewish, men should wear a yarmulke as a sign of respect. At some weddings and bar mitzvahs they give them out with an imprint, such as the date and the bride and groom's names.

[ben_rubinstein___mancheste]

Just out of interest: as an (ultra?) Orthodox Jew there is no technical or religous reason why a non-Jew should have to wear any head covering in the synagogue, I very much doubt that in any truly religous Jew would take any offense whatsoever.

 

Lex, you're right of course but in my experience both the ceremony and the subsequent festivities are not the joyful occasions that they should be for Ultra Orthodox Jews. As the Groom is usually in his early 20's and the Bride still in her late teens, they have never touched and barely been in contact since the engagement, you can see why. I was expounding on the subject last night to the in-laws, that the difference in photos between those kind of weddings to more modern weddings is about the difference between 1920's wedding photography to present day.<div></div>

[ben_rubinstein___mancheste]

Just to define that so as not to cause offense: The reason head coverings for men started in Europe a couple of hundred years ACE was so that the religeous Jew would have a constant reminder that there is always 'Someone' above him at all times. This is still the reason that Orthodox Jews will wear a Kippa, as a constant reminder that G-d is with him at all times and therefore not to stray from all the laws and commandments with which a Jew is to lead his life (women are considered by Jewsih law to be naturally more spiritual and closer to G-d anyway and don't need the reminder!).

 

Having that in mind, for the religous Jew making a non-Jew wear a kippa would not make any sense. Non-Jews are not commanded in the multitude of Jewish Laws and customs and therefore would not need the reminder to keep them.

 

Through the last few centuries and since the beginning of secularisation of the Jewish people, and due to the founding Reform movements statement that 'One should be a Jew in the home and an gentleman outdoors', Jews stopped wearing head coverings outdoors, or in fact any other place than the synagogue, where they would put on the Kippa out of respect for the Rabbi, i.e. not to flout their irreligeous stature in the place of worship.

 

Where the idea that a non-Jew would be lacking respect not to wear a kippa in the synagogue comes from I don't know, or how old the concept is. However in a religous Orthodox synagogue I doubt that it would be required or even appreciated. Hell, I've never seen non religous Israeli photographers cover their hair for the ceremony (if not in a synagogue) though they should know better and no one seems to mind.

[rich_taylor____mequon__wi]

I agree that it would be meaningless (as in, literally, having no meaning) for a non-Jewish photographer to wear a kippa because he is working in a synagogue. I don't believe any member of a congregation would take offense. It would be a respectful and well-intentioned gesture, to be sure, but certainly not required. Nor do I believe it would be interpreted as being disrespectful if a kippa was not worn.

 

Also, when the parents meet with you, they will see that you do not have any Jewish weddings in your portfolio. Honesty always is the best route. Tell them that you'd be honored and excited to do a Jewish wedding, and that (not "but that...") you want to learn as much about the details and flow of the ceremony and what to expect at the reception so that you can capture all of the meaningful moments.

If there's chemistry there, and they like your stuff, they may be very motivated to give you all the information you'll need. Or not.

 

OK, now who is this "Taylor" guy telling me about Jewish weddings? Well, while Taylor is not a common Jewish name, my great-grandfather was Rabbi Charles Taylor, who had congregations both in Milwaukee and NYC.

[ben_rubinstein___mancheste]

The thing is that unless you are familiar with the basic structure of the ceremony then it might be difficult in that seemingly every ceremony is different depending on the officiating Rabbi, the synagogue's customs, the families customs etc. I could outline the ceremony for you but to be honest I can't say that I've seen any two weddings where every detail was exactly the same. Best thing is to get the Rabbi's phone number and ask if it's possible to go through it with them, also take your list of order of events to the family to check that there isn't anything left out or different.

[robert_k2]

Boy I am over whelmed with all the outpour of help and information. Many thank to all of you.

 

Rich Taylor, I agree honesty the best policy, I already told the mother that I?ve never shot a Jewish wedding when she first contacted me by phone. The last thing I want to do is screw up somebody?s wedding. But she still wanted to stop by and look at my work. I?ll find out this coming weekend.

 

Again thank you to all

[steve_levine]

Make sure you get the "glass breaking" shot. The groom breaks a glass at ceremonies end with his foot. Sometimes this happens fast too!

[al_kaplan1]

The glass is usually wrapped in a cloth napkin to keep from sending pieces of broken glass flying everywhere. For many years the usual "glass" was a #5 or #25 flashbulb, about the size of a small egg. They're easy to break and coated with plastic so they don't shatter everyplace.