Leaving the business

[nstock]

Many people post here discussing being new or starting in the

business of wedding photography. Well, after this past weekend I am

seriously thinking of exiting the business.

 

Due to problems both with the three weddings we did and in my

personal life I simply had a difficult time both concentrating and

maintaining a professional demeanor. I was assisting at these

weddings.

 

First thing that happened is my business partner (who touts ALWAYS

having a back up) did not have the video camera secured well and it

went crashing to the floor instantly becoming a pile of rubble

during the ceremony. End of video. No back up video camera. The

camera was worth a god bit of money too.. so a dead loss.

 

This led to concessions to the bride and groom and I tried so HARD

to be sure we got shots of every idea I could think of. We both

felt awful because the bride and groom were not getting their

video. No money was made on the entire event. I did not mount the

video camera but I felt just awful anyway. I could do NOTHING to

fix the situation and tried to just maintain calm and support for my

partner. Maybe I didn't even do that very well. I tried, but

results are all that count.

 

Next day.. wedding two.. I was trying to come up with artistic ideas

for some of the formals.. and the boss was telling me something

would not work the way I was setting it up.. but did I listen??

NOoooo.. and the pose looked awkward until the boss reset it up

properly. Yes I learned two things.. one is if I am going down the

wrong path with a pose, to STOP when the boss says I am doing it

wrong. Second I learned the better set up for that pose. The boss

was notably angry with me for this.

 

Day three.. the bride hands us a shot list. I don't know ANY of

these ppl and the two families do not know each other. I am tasked

with getting these ppl together. I hate shot lists, but this was

the JOB. I trot off to get these ppl for the formals and they

didn't want to be taken away from the party and were RUDE and NASTY

to me.. OK.. that is bad enough but I KNOW I am taking too much time

and the Boss is going to be angry too.

 

FINALLY I get MOST of them over to where the pictures are being done

and start to move things out of the way for the pictures. I move

stuff I think is going to be in the way and the boss yells at me

that it doesn't havbe to be moved.. then yells at me to move it..

and I lose my COOL and SNAP at him.. UNFORGIVEABLE. PERIOD.

 

It doesn't matter what is going wrong in my personal life right now

that is causing me such misery. It doesn't matter that the guests

were nasty to me. It doesn't matter that the boss is yelling at

me. ALL THAT MATTERS IS THE JOB AT HAND AND I UNFORGIVEABLY BLEW

IT.

 

As a result of all this I am thinking maybe I just am NO GOOD AT ANY

OF THIS and this should be my last season. I am obviously unable to

handle all that is going on in my life and being unprofessional on

top of this is just AWFUL.

 

Now it is the day after all of this and the BOSS is mad at me and

unforgiving and won't talk to me. He will probably fire me. I hate

the way I acted and I hate myself for acting that way. No one can

beat me up over this more than I am beating up myself. My life is

still grim and miserable and losing my cool didn't change any of

that. On top of this, my boss who was my business partner probably

will hate me forever and I guess I don't realy blame him. It is

hard tho because I really do care but I suppose that doesn't matter

either.

 

The upshot of all this is that being a wedding Photographer or

photographer's assistant is about the only thing left I am doing

that I felt reasonably competant at.

 

I guess I was totally wrong about that and it is probably time to

exit the business after this season. I sure can't make anymore ppl

mad at me and I sure cannot act like I did at these events. I have

NO EXCUSE.

[Jerry_]

You may have learned one thing: do one 'project' well and keep from trying to do two things 'super well.' Do you (or your boss) generally try to photograph and video the wedding at the same time? If yes, it is your case of stress....

[tholte]

Nancy, my motto is "when things go to rat crap, they really go to rat crap". Take a few weeks off and try again. You will probably be laughing about this six months from now. Hang in there, most people go through a bad stretch like yours. Good luck!!!!

[ray]

Nancy, don't beat yourself up quite so much. Yes, you've gone through a really bad

stretch which combined inexperience, bad luck and a "boss" with lousy people skills -- all

in equal amount. I think you need to take a break, sort out your personal life and then

approach your professional career with a fresh outlook.

 

I'm glad that you're at least admitting to some quite obvious problems/mistakes and that's

a great first step. Now you've just got to remember the lessons learnt and come back

when you have enough energy and enthusiasm to do the job right.

[jim_gifford]

I'm with Tim, step back from wedding photograpy for a while if you need to do so... but there is no need to decide today that you are through with that business. Don't do or say anything unnecessarily permanent. Keep your options open for the future.

 

I also have done things I should not have done, with no excuse, and in one case it was at the cost of employment (not related to photography). It's not fun. But people recover.

 

I don't recommend buying or reading Amy Fisher's book, but just consider the fact that she wrote a book and people are paying money to buy it. (If you don't know who Amy Fisher is, well, let's just say she did worse things than irritate a boss.)

 

Your recovery from this past weekend will be swift and you will be the better for having recovered. I say that with confidence because you already know a lot about how you don't want to act next time the crud hits the fan.

 

Be well,

[picturesque]

I agree with the above folks who suggest you take a breather and then take stock.

 

However, I think you should clear things up with the "boss" immediately. In most cases of partner problems, neither partner is solely to blame. I would not "ride" a partner in front of clients. Perhaps its time to go out on your own.

 

As far as shot lists are concerned, I hope you have a disclaimer about guranteed shots in your contract. One can only try, and if you don't get the shots through no fault of yours, you are legally not responsible. I have heard of one photographer who puts the responsibility of getting people together for groups on his clients. If the right people are not there at the right time for groups, he is not responsible. At the very least, get the client to appoint a contact person(s) (one from each side of the family) and make that person work hard.

[nstock]

Thanks.

I might have done better working by myself shooting these this past weekend. I usually work really well with this guy too. Most of the time I am personable and patient.

 

I am at the end of my rope with EVERYTHING else in my life and it just is too much. In the service business you are not allowed to be human. You have to be a service and that is a lot of what wedding photography is.

 

Break after this month.

[nstock]

PS I did clear things with him.

THAT was driving me up the wall. He is a good guy and I was NOT good. I think we will be OK.

 

I am not into the treating ppl badly thing. I might ride a little rough on a beginner here on P-net but only because when they get out there and do it on their own, the customers will ride them a WHOLE lot rougher!

[gary_woodard]

nancy, we learn nothing without errors, without failure we do not progress, sounds like you needed to vent a little steam, screw the waiting a few weeks, get back at it with a vengence, if you want it.

[fotografz]

Nancy, I have had the good fortune (and headaches) of managing literally hundreds of

creative people in my "real" job. Creative people are hardest on themselves, and will

harbor ill feelings about poor performance (real or perceived) far longer than anyone else

will. The mark of a professional survivor is to "get back on the horse" as soon as possible.

Calmly take stock in your strengths and experience, dust yourself off and get back to it.

 

Best of luck, because you are due for some.

[bruce_rubenstein___nyc]

Photography is such an ephemeral thing that many photographers are often walking the line between knowing they nailed the perfect shot and total insecurity. You want everything to go right and for the client to love you and your work. Then everything goes wrong and then you have no idea why you are doing what you are doing, or why you even though that you could do it. It takes a strong sense of self and a thick skin to do this. When other things in your life are not going well it drains you of your resilience and you become emotionally brittle.

It sounds like there is a lot going on; some of it your doing, but a lot that isn't. Right now you can't assume full blame for things that you shouldn't. You just do't have the reserves to do it. You didn't mount the camera. You can't make the lost video all better. Yes, you snapped at the photographer, but he had no business yelling at you to begin with. You both should be acting like professionals on a shoot. You were trying to put together a shot and it wasn't working. It's a form of "stuckness" we all get into. You have to learn to get yourself unstuck, and having someone else telling you you?re doing the wrong thing doesn?t help the situation. The photographer I work with gets snappy with me when things start going wrong. It took me while to be able to take the attitude that he is frustrated and flustered, and I didn?t do anything wrong, and not take being yelled at personally.

The best thing to do now is work on the things you have control over, accept the things that you can?t, and go and try to do some fun photography.

 

And, oh by the way, I got suckered into shooting two high school reunions this weekend, which I hate, and for the time being don't want to touch a camera.

[aka eve adams]

just remember, when you are at your lowest point , the only way left to look is up.

[bill c.]

Nancy-- After the last wedding I shot, I came through the door to my house, slammed down my equipment cases (fortunately those particular ones were only filled with lightstands and tripods), and said through clenched teeth, "I am NEVER going to shoot another wedding!" From the couch, my wife calmly responded, "You always sat that when you come home from shooting one of those things."

 

I've shot wars and I've shot weddings. Wars are easier in a lot of ways, as the only coreographed aspects of them are usually the signing of the surrender documents. Other than that, there aren't any shots you're absolutely supposed to get. But boy, if you miss getting the kiss at a wedding, you're dead meat.

 

There are very few jobs that carry the pressure of high-end wedding photography. You're either an adrenaline junky that thrives on the danger and excitement, or you're a normal person--and what fun is it being a normal person?

 

The hours are horrible, the respect is nil, and you don't always get paid. But here we are, the few, the proud, the brave, the wedding pros.

 

You'll be back. If you've done it for more than a year or two, it gets in your blood. Note that this is not necessarily a good thing. But if you absolutely have to do it, you'll keep learning from your mistakes. And as the guy who owns the studio I occasionally shoot for says, "After you shoot a thousand parties (his name for weddings), everything gets to be a piece of cake."

 

Best regards, and happy shooting. And let us know if you have any equipment you want to get rid of! (GD&R) -BC-

[melisa]

Nancy, it's all been said, but I just wanted you to know that I think you must be a very brave and talented person to be doing this job at all. Don't give up, especially if it's something that you're good at and it's something that normally make's you feel happy and good about yourself. Take Care. :)

[wedding-photography-denver]

Well, I feel totally cr*p on your behalf, (some comfort that is?) but I think your story is not yet finished. You have had some very unfortunate things happen but they don't amount to the end by any means.

 

I notice you mentioned having personal things to attend also. I know that for me at least, they are always in my mind and when many things get the better of you it becomes hard to see your value. The fact remains you were confident in your skills and abilities before this time in life and you will be again. Twee I know, but after the storm comes the rainbow!!

 

So see the light and photograph it :-). May your heart be encouraged and your mind filled with new hope.

[gary_woodard]

bill, "there a few jobs which carry the pressure of high-end wedding photography", i can name thousands, heres 10 right off the bat, heart surgeon, crane operater, medivac pilot, president, police officer, national guardsman, fireman, airline pilot, ambulance driver,criminal lawyer,bill get a grip its a friggin wedding.

[william_au]

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Bruce's statement about wedding photography being emotionally "ephemeral" is so bang on. There have been some weekends where it feels so uplifting, and times where I've wanted to hurl all my gear in frustration. And when home life is going rough, everything can seem like it's 1000x worse than normal. Don't beat yourself up too much and don't throw in the towel yet - hopefully you'll be able to look back on it as a bump in the road and a learning (albeit rough and tumble) experience.

[fotografz]

Seriously folks, some of us take this too seriously. All due respect to Nancy and her

current struggles, but come on. Wedding photography stressful? At a early age I learned

about on the job stress. My Father was a Firefighter for the city of Detroit (yes, the city of

Hell Night). My Mother had 6 children, worked, and dealt with the fact that her husband

risked his life every day of the week. Think of the stuff a teacher has to deal with. Or all

the ungrateful and demanding public a waitress faces day in and day out. Wedding

photography may feel like it's life and death, but it's all in your heads. There are lots of

occupations where it literally IS life and death. When the going gets rough for me, I think

of my Dad, and smile that I have such a cushy job.

[elaine_w.]

Nancy, run just as fast as you can. I used to do wedding photography years ago. Not any more. Most of the people are asses and all those wonderful memories you are trying to preserve for them will be in the trash bin within two years when the divorce rolls around. Keep your sanity, find another outlet for your creative passions. Good luck!

[blueworldstudios]

It does suck to have an off weekend. It's going to happen, but if you like what you do, it's

much better to have an off day doing what you love compared to having an off day doing

what you hate.

 

Unless you want to shoot exactly like your 'boss', I'd keep ignoring him once in a while. A

lot of shooters get into a pattern they are comfirtable with, and never change. You need to

keep fresh, keep looking, and try a new shot or approach each wedding along with

sticking to the stuff you know works.

 

As for shot lists, I agree with others that they should never be 'guaranteed'. Chaos is a

regular guest and you just never know what's going to happen.

 

However, part of your shot list stress is completely the fault of your 'boss'. No vendor

should ever be but in charge of herding a bunch of people they don't know. If we are

working from a shot list, we require the B&G to assign someone, relative, friend, bridal

party, to do the herding. This is someone who knows the people, and who is neither in all

the shots nor taking all the shots. This works best for all parties.

[nstock]

The shot list was not guaranteed. It was handed to us AT the event! Of course we try to accomodate (are there two m's or two c's in that word?)

 

Normally I would ask a bride's maid or Groomsman for help, but there were none.. Matron of Honor and Best man ONLY. Best man was also older and very unhelpful (these were older executives.. all used to giving orders and not taking them).

 

The event was very elegant and not very large. It was like a very nice dinner party more than a wedding, which is fine. However, being like a dinner party, ppl did not want to come out and get wedding pictures. They wanted cocktails and hor's doeuvres followed by an elegant buffet dinner.. not interuptions by a well meaning assistant photographer.

[derek_c.]

I have never assisted anybody in my life.<br>

You should be your own boss.<br>

If you quit photography now? chances are, you will quit your next job.<br>

Don't quit.. be your own boss.<br>

Photography is the easiest money you can make (probabily).<br>

[brandonhamilton]

first, always have a clause in your contract that states you aren't responsible for guests that dont show up for the formals. The wedding party is always responsible for gathering family members for shots, not the photographer.

 

Second, why have a "boss"? If you want to do a shot one way, and he thinks its "wrong", whos to say he is right? Developing your own creativity is the key! You can't just be another shooter, for another photographer.

 

I say, do some solo weddings, no video, just photography, nobody yelling at you over your shoulder, and do it YOUR way. I bet you have a much better time with complete creative control.

 

Good luck.

[peter_de_jager]

Folks,

I'm not a photographer and I've never shot a wedding... but I have a suggestion for this 'shot list' problem.

 

Have some fancy cards made up that read as follows;

 

Jack & Jill (the B&Gs names here)have asked specifically that as their dearest friends/relatives that you be included in thier wedding photos so that your particpation in this event is properly recorded etc. etc."

 

Have that fancy card signed by the B&G before hand... and have a wedding party member (Ring bearer?) formally present it to the people in question on a silver platter (literally on a silver platter)... I can't imagine ANY guest not immediately participating in a formal or candid shot... but then... what do I know, I've never shot a wedding.

[picturesque]

Nice idea, Peter, that has been used by a photo studio I know. It helps but doesn't always work. I've found that older people getting married, and older people in general care less about the photography, and often don't give it the time needed. Also, assigned contact persons do often flake out on you--happens about half the time. If I had been handed the shot list at the event, I would have immediately asked the bride/groom for a reliable contact person to do the herding. If one was not produced, I would have told them on the spot that we'd do our best, but if we couldn't get the groups together, we would not be held responsible. And leave it at that.