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HOW DOES PHOTOGRAPHY WORK?


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Magic My Butt!!!

 

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Wadjaya think all of us in the Brotherhood of Gnomes and Elves Local

602 are gettin' paod for!

 

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Yuz guys have bin givin' dem Brownies in Rochester alla credit fer

the las hunnert years! Wuttsa gu gotta do for sum respeck 'roun

here?!?!??

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It's all simple really. Film is coated with white bacteria. When

light hits the bacteria, it gives them a suntan. The amount of suntan

is dependant upon the amount of light that hits the bacteria and

whether they turn over during the exposure. The developer kills all

the bacteria which do not have a suntan. The fixer then absorbs all

the dead bacteria and coats the bacteria left with a type of suntan

lotion so they do not tan any more. Then the film is washed to remove

the fixer and dead bacteria. Photograhic paper works the same.

Nothing to it.

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Take no notice of the above, they're all pulling your leg.

 

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If you look at unexposed film, it's grey in colour. This is because

it's coated with a mixture of milllions of black and millions of white

tiny little "light-magnets". When the light hits the film all the

black light-magnets are attracted into the light and all the white

ones are repelled into the shadows; this gives us a black and white

negative.

 

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Colour film technology is so complicated that no-one on Earth knows

how it really works. It was given to us by aliens, and that's why you

have to send colour film off for developing. It's picked up by the

aliens and sent to their home planet for processing. That's why so

much film gets lost in processing; it has to travel hundreds of light

years. Recently the aliens have installed one hour Minilabs that use

transporter technology, but they are using our photographs to collect

information about us, and will eventually use the Minilabs to send

their invasion forces and conquer the Earth.

 

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Don't watch the skies, watch the Minilabs!

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Thanks for the info on color, Pete. Now I know why my color film

sometimes comes back from the mini-lab with strange, undecipherable

marks. It's the alien developing codes embedded in the emulsion. That

also explains why there are often strange, unrecognizable sounds

coming from the mini-lab machines. I must stand by my explanation of

B&W film, however. The light magnet theory has been discarded with

the advent of newer technology which lets the scientists delve deeper

into the process. I suggest you read the scientific paper

titled "Bacteria Suntan in the Photographic Process" presented at the

Intergalactic Conference on Snapshots in December, 1999. This should

help clarify the current situation of B&W processes. You are

undoubtedly correct on the color process, however.

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Sorry Doug. I was confusing conventional bacteria film with "instant"

magnetically polarised film.

 

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I think Tmax must stand for "Tenderised to the Max" where the bacteria

are turned pink by a pre-exposure which makes them more sensitive to

sunlight. Or it could be an anti-Hallucination coating which stops the

bacteria getting sunstroke and wandering about after they've been

exposed.

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  • 8 months later...

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