UNFINISHED HAIKU

Well this is just graphically pleasing. Interesting how the weather worn windows are of different color and texture in a meticulously kept stucco wall. Kind of a pristine shot with the delicate green budding trees bring organic balance. I do want so much for the tile base line to be straight in these kinds of geometric shots.

The tiles along the base are really granite slabs, and could have been cut even, but I assume it was not important to them. The different colored windows may be in the process of being painted, but I like the fact that they are different. Thanks for commenting.

I don't know about haiku, since it seems more middle-eastern than Japanese. But wherever the assosciation, it's a composition that stands on it's own. I might experiment with cropping the top just a little to further exphasize the horizontal flow but that's my thinking and not yours. As is, it's really an excellent picture.

Similar and dissimilar.

You have to give me a break on this. As I understand it the haiku has three unrhymed lines, and the window being different but the same is kind of like the unrhymed lines. Also, haiku often refers to nature. Thus, we have placed three trees for your viewing pleasure. Okay, so the whole thing is stretching poetic license a whole lot and I'm full of shit. But, I really do have this bridge that might interest you.........

Nice composition, and a clever idea - well seen

Thanks for the comment. Much appreciated.

I love the simplicity and the colors...the more you look at it, the more peaceful you feel...very nice...

I agree with Laurent. I've been drawn back to this several times, and the more I've looked at it, the more I've felt the tranquil symmetry here.

Laurent and Doug, thanks for enjoying this one. I, too, find it strangely tranquil. It certainly is simplicity personified.

As Jack once said to me...."a lot of people in PN wants drama in their images"...I find it refreshing that some people also make simple and peaceful things...

Jack is the Zen master. No doubt about it. You, too, Laurent have done many fine pieces that have a quietude about them, even though for the most part they are urban.

 

By the way, having some involvement with a major auto show like Geneva sounds very exciting. I know in reality it's probably a lot of hard work and not much time to just enjoy, but I've always wanted to attend one of those shows.

I think this shot is pretty good but could use a few things...

 

First, the Nikon 18-200 lens that you used for this is prone to creating barrel distortion that is evident in the bulging of the granite slabs on the bottom of the frame. I have this same lens and find that every time I shoot architecture it becomes very obvious.

 

Second, there is some sort of pink line that is going down the right side of the frame. Not sure what it is???

 

Lastly, IMO the composition of the photo seems a bit off. To me a haiku should feel finished even when it is not. This photo is almost there but then you kept that last window on the right of the frame. I would either stamp it out or zoom out and bring it fully into the photo. This would then lead the viewer towards the "unfinished" windows that seem to best epitomize that word.

 

I've attached a version of my suggestions.

 

Keep up the good shooting.

Thank you very much for viewing commenting and taking the time to actually work on the image. I'm flattered. First, let me say that you are absolutely correct about the barrel distortion. It is a problem, and the way you have corrected the stones along the bottom is an excellent improvement.

 

For the life of me I cannot see the pink line of which you speak. I don't know if it's my monitor or my eye, but I cannot see it. Perhaps I'll go back to the original file and check it out at high resolution.

 

As to your crop, I cannot fault it. It is without question an improvement if one is seeking symmetry. And it does lend a tranquility that my version does not have. But my effort was meant to have an edginess to it and that was quite deliberate. As I stated above, I believe the entire window on the right is in the original frame. I purposefully cut the window off because of the tension it created by being chopped off. And, thus, the title of UNfinished Haiku. The image was truncated, just as if the last line or last word were to have been left out of a Haiku. You are, of course, correct in your statement that a Haiku should have a peacefulness to it. So, I would not argue that your version is not more aesthetically pleasing, but it was not quite the image I intended to make (although the slabs at the bottom should have been corrected). Obviously there is not right or wrong to the matter.

 

Again, thank you very much for your input. It is truly appreciated.

I just realized I'm viewing your portfolio and this particular photo for a second time. Kinda proof it appeals me very much in style and execution.

 

As my note on the discussion about barrel distortion I'd like to recommend a software, PTLens which I use on my own photos, not only for the optical distortion there might be but also for the perspective correction )as former owner of a 4x5" field camera). PTLens will read the Exif data and use its database to correct the specific distortions of lens used, IMHO well spent 15 dollars. http://epaperpress.com/ptlens/

Thanks very much for the recommendation. I shall look into that.