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Marina,

J is a very pretty girl. Her eye is in very good focus. Her skin tone is very good. I do like that you have a catch light on her right eye and a hint of a catch light on her left eye. This really helps to give J life.

The contrast may be a little too much. I would like to see a bit more detail in her hat. It would be nice to open the darkness of her right eye and make-up a tad.

You need more space on the right side. Your subject should have more room in front of her than behind. This allows her to be facing into the picture, not out of it. You want to compositionally balance the left and right sides of the photograph. The compositional "rule" for this suggests that you position the tip of the subject's nose in the vertical center of the photograph. This little rule almost always works well.

Your lighting is coming from below her eyes. I know you want to make sure to get light under her hat, but you don't want the shadow from her nose to go upward and you don't want to light the inside of her nose.

It does not help your portrait to have hairs falling across her right eye. It just makes her hair look unkempt. 

For some reason, you have placed the area under her chin out of focus. I don't see a good reason to have any of her out of focus. An out of focus background is very nice and focuses attention on your subject. Parts of your subject out of focus will draw attention away from what is in focus. It is difficult to go wrong with having the entire subject in focus.

Nice shot,

Mark

Hello great B& W very nice crop made the comp. Really nice. Very Pretty Model looks like she was enjoying the shoot ....   Nice work

M'agrada molt, Marina!  The hair across the eye doesn't bother me...I kind of like the effect.  I do agree that the area around the left eye needs more fill light.  Overall, very nice portrait.  Looking at your portfolio, it looks like portraits are your strong suit (including kittens!)...good luck, looks like you are off to a great career! 

buen manejo de la luz interesante retrato, me gusta el contacto visual con la modelo el acercamiento y recorte, saludos

LV