Thinking Of You Mom

You are wise and it is this I draw from many times when I read what you have written me.  Thankyou for thinking of me and my Mom (and family)

As someone who so carefully watches and records the everyday 'person' and 'peoples', I am sure you are a very sensitive man, for people are your 'arena'.  Thankyou Ruud for your kind words.  Most sincerely, Gail

For one who travels the world, you must see and share so many families, I truly appreciate your kind words Anabela for I know they come from such a 'big' heart.  Take care dear friend, all my best, GAil

Thankyou Chuck for those kind words, so appreciated, most sincerely, Gail

Such a good friend and always there when I need a shoulder, whether through thoughtful emails that would cheer me up, or just letting me know you are out there....thinking of me.  Thankyou dear girl, you are like a sister I never had.....talk soon, Gail

You are wise beyond your years I am sure, for your heart speaks as you write each time you comment....I am  truly thankful to have you as a friend her eon PN.  My sincere thanks, Gail

It seems none of us can escape Cancer in some form or another, my thoughts are with you as you journey through these days of 'missing' your friend.  Hopefully soon they will turn into days of 'fond rememberance' for the times you spent together.  My prayers and thoughts go with you dear Eduard.  talk soon, Gail

Grazie Tanto Paul, siete un buon amico, apprezzo molto la tua cortesia, Gail

Emotionally charged message Gail. Picture and words showing your heart and your love.

I lost my mother years ago and looking at this posting and reading your words brought a lump to my throat. Not just for my own memories but empathy for what I know you are going through. 

Many on PN have not met you but your "heart on your sleeve" postings bring us into your world as friends and hopefully some support in this trying time for you. I will be sending good thoughts your way and wishes for your mum to get through this time of trial. She did a good job as a mother to have a daughter so full of family love and support. you are a special person Gail and your whole family is very lucky to have you as a mother, partner and aunt.

We will all be here if you need to get outside the pressure any time. Don't hesitate.

All my very best wishes,   Bill

Now I'm 'tearing up'. Your words are so very touching Bill. And they go right to my heart. This is the most difficult time to date, worse than talking to Mom about the Cancer. She is in a state, whether from the 'medications' or as one nurse told me yesterday when she caught me going by the 'nurses station' crying...(I tried my best to get to the bathroom without anyone noticing) that they notice Mom's symptons when it is getting close to the END. She told me in the night thatMom told her that 'her granddaughter's husband had 'murdered' me(Gail) and she could not find the puppy. The nurse tried to reassure me that it is normal, and me being with her was the best thing I could be doing.

I quickly thought to myself 'no this can't be it', she was doing so good before she had to have this 'stent' replaced. Once again it was infected and she had  sepsis.( I probably haven't said it right.) But if she is not awake talking, she is dreaming. Yesterday and the day before I tried to convince her that 'she was not loosing her mind', that the 'meds' were responsible for the 'things' she was 'seeing' and 'hearing'. She is 'all over the years' in her thoughts. When close to being 'with it' she laughed at the silly things as I joked with her.

I spent the best part of the afternoon holding her hand. When she was dreaming  she was moving her lips, like talking to herself very quietly, making jerking movements that I could tell 'startled her even in her sleep'. By holding her hand, I could give it a good squeeze when these 'movements' started, as it seemed to stop them right away. At one point she woke up and I reassured her again the 'bad dreams' were from the 'medication'.....and that I had been holding her hand to help stop the 'sudden movements' that seemed to scare her.' She just smiled at me and nodded, then closed her eyes and went back to sleep'.

The circumstances around Japan and watching the TV reporting, and seeing Camera personnel, made me realize that when we hold a Camera in our hands, we are not just partakers of a 'cozy hobby' but 'recorders of life'. Folks like Bob Kurt and Ruud especially show us this in their street photography. And we are also, as 'artistic beings', so much more sensitive to life in all it's 'wonder and glory', and to it's 'sadness and heartbreaking moments'. 

It isn't easy comforting someone when you cannot offer an 'escape' or 'soothing balm' for what troubles them. But we can 'go beyond our comfort zone' and sacrifice that tiny bit of time, to help make this part of their journey less scary. She may never remember these moments, if she does get better....but it is of no matter to me.  When you have no control of the mind due to circumstances beyond your control, it is a very dark and terrifying place to be. 

I do not know if the nurse was right, I pray it is just the strong antibiotics doing this to her. Who are we, if we cannot be there in perhaps the tiniest way for each other. We converse almost on a daily basis here on PN over our photos, and that is a wonderful thing.  But I've come to know so many who have lived and are living through these tough times. I could be very wrong to 'wear my heart on my sleeve' but if it causes 'one' to write, sharing a part of them that they have wanted to share but 'daren't'; we are not only sharing our love of Photography, where quite often we take photos of strangers and do not make any connection at all from afar, but we are 'connecting' with each other, sharing in our 'journeys'.

Here we are taking part in all of our Humanity, laying it on the table, unafraid to admit what we think, where in the past we've held back, thinking to 'open up' is a weakness. But the knowledge that there are friends here on PN, sharing in these times is a comfort I would not have ever known otherwise.  Who knows? Perhaps in our sharing, we may become even better Photographers. When looking into the face of a small child on the street or older person, a beggar, someone homeless...the list could go on forever, but the shots that move us most, are the ones when the person behind the lens has captured that 'inner soul' of the individual.

Those eyes that tell a million stories, along with the wrinkles that display their age. Instead of 'dirty little children playing and laughing, despite their circumstances, stopping for a moment to smile up at our camera, fascinated by seeing their faces in our LCD Screens, we might develop the skills to capture the face of the impoverished and perhaps unloved child. The skill is learned by knowing when to release the shutter. I think this takes much practice and being comfortable and unafraid to take part in 'Humanity'. And when we CRITIQUE that photo, we may  be able to say more than just 'a great shot...bravo'....but truly SEE the EMOTION captured and NOT BE AFRAID TO let the BARRIERS come DOWN, allowing our peers know how their shot has affected us in a Personal way.

The events in Japan will be ongoing for years to come, and we do not know who will suffer human tragedy next. Reporters on TV have been unable to stop a tear from rolling down a cheek, or keep 'in check' the emotion in their voices. The worst earthquake in years, and we can no longer hide the 'emotion' such tradegy causes. (thankyou Bill for your concern and ability to share such thoughts with me. Most sincerely, Gail)

Don't ever doubt that putting your heart on your sleeve is not a good thing. It's what makes you who you are, don't change that. 

The circle of life inevitably takes us to places we wish we didn't have to go, but our parents love and commitment to us in our upbringing has provided the strength to accept life and to continue making a difference.

Our thoughts are with you and hopefully providing some small modicum of strength in this tough time.

You know where I am, anytime, Gail

The power of love, as Tony puts it will be working for your Mum.

All my best once again,  Bill

Best wishes for your mother and your family... Grigoriy

My compliments for this photo, Gail. Best regards, Linh Dinh

Dear Gail, I don't hesitate to express here ,in public, an opinion that has grown up in me enough time ago, when the first visual trips on your stream started : never has been -nor  do I think there will be -a case like yours , not just here in PP but in any photo site.  Your photographs or  other members' photographs are for you just an excuse, a gentle way to approach people that you will probably never meet in person , yet  when you are motivated by a photo or a phrase in a comment , you grab this little spark and you transform it to a bright fire of communication  , gently  responding, commenting in length or laying in front of us  your thoughts stream  almost always avoiding theoretical or academic nonsense and using real life storiesfrom your very own family background.

For first time the obvious subject- the submitted photo , yours or of another PN member, this doesn't matter- stands in the shade and the emotional cargo and kindness you carry in your mind and soul become the protagonists .  You have almost turned  the "Gail -affected- PN- part" a personal blog  where us, the lucky ones, enjoy  these emotional bursts . Some they have the time and the talent  to reciprocate in length and passion  the  blog leader's qualities, others (like me) struggle  for some  "bright intervals" i.e free time from the life's strict demands of our time to be parts of what you create with your photos and  thoughts spread beneath them.

Your Mom represents the dear ones that the physical law demands as prey for the life gift  they were granted with.  Holding the dearest hand you could ever hold, the very same that protected you in your early life route, is the epitome of life . You were supposed to do so. It gave YOU more strength than to your Mom. You were blessed to live such  a dramatic and  traumatic moment-and probably others will follow of more tense. Yet these moments will be forever in your mind  because of their special weight  and their  emotional load. Cherish them !  Will always bring warmth in your heart .

You wrote "sepsis" right , as a Greek I can confirm that .

Your Mom was a most attractive lady who, judging from what inherited to you , had an inner world of a beauty on a par . And now this is known to so many people of your "blog" thanks to your unprecedented way to communicate thoughts, stories, events .....

Be strong , dear friend, in ancient Greek dramas there is always a Katharsis. A releaving one.....

Chris

A very nice dedication to your mum Gail, I don't have away with words, so I will just say God bless. regards Grant.

Your mom should be very proud of this remarkable work, you did a great job with this presentation and your b/w format here is very effective and enhancing the quality of this work.

Thank you my friend for sharing it and wishing you all of the best.

Once again, you reassure and provide direction..............in the fog, there is a light that beams brightly in the 'lighthouse', once again reminding  me there is hope and a path to follow if need be.  If my way becomes too 'tangled', or formidable for me to traverse, there is a light to follow, I just need to look up, and forget the 'brambles' that would mare my way. A connection that would help me to find 'sense' out of 'senselessness', an alternative path when my mind has exhausted what little resources remain.

I watched a Carol King and James Taylor concert on PBS about a month ago, and when I read your words, it cannot help but remind me of Carol King's song that James sang so beautifully, 'You've Got a Friend'.

Thankyou dear friend, not only for offering your friendship, but reminding me how important it is that we have friends such as you to call upon, even if it is just to hear a reassuring voice, when 'nothing is going right'.  And one thing I know is true.....you mean what you say. Thankyou once again for your reassuring words. Keep the 'ringer' on.....Gail

Thankyou so much for your kind words, and for taking the time to visit, most sincerely, Gail

So appreciate your visit and input, I know you are very busy, many thanks, Gail

I think for a first time....I am 'speechless' but so many words that others also have left in response to this 'scrap page' will go in my Journal.  I never thought of a 'blog', but I understand what you say Chris.  You have shown me much kindness in 'words' that  have travelled so far, yet through PN make this world such a smaller place. You have made me see things in yet another 'light' Chris. Thankyou for your 'reassurances'. The day before yesterday,  I took 'Abbey' to  the hospital to see Mom.  My 'pup' loves her too, and of course wanted to jump into bed with her! Mom's face lighted up; her nurse told me she speaks of the puppy often, even in her mind's waunderings, I had been standing in the corner of the room.  Mom had pointed me and the puppy out to her when she was tending to Mom...'yes Gail is here, right there in the corner, can't you see her and the puppy??".

When I called and asked if I could take Abbey in, the nurse said 'sure, your Mom is certain she is here, so we may as well see the real thing!!!' Of course she said this in a jovial manner, and said that Mom had been having a better day, she finally at least knew she was in hospital.  Mom's mind slipped a few times, but I could see an improvement.  With my husband working, to  have a proper visit, I can only go in the evenings.  But even though I knew my visit would be shorter with Abbey wiggling in my arms, I wanted Mom to have something to smile about.

I did not make it in yesterday. I felt drained, I'm sure it is a migrane I have as nothing I take provides relief, but at the same time, my mind felt like it was 'overflowing' with thoughts. My Dad has to go in hospital for an Angiogram on Friday. This is a 'sudden' procedure, plans already made for this day  have to be rearranged....So other worries were making their way into an already crowded 'house'. Dad will not be able to be at the hospital to visit Mom on Friday, he will have to rest, so I imagine I will have to be there with Mom more.

Your kind words of support have truly touched a 'chord' within, and I am blessed once again for this friendship.  I cannot find the words to properly say thankyou, but I am sure you know how I feel.  I hope your day is not so busy, and it is getting warmer in your lovely Greece. Talk again soon, Gail

You may not speak in 'many' words but you never fail to get your point across.  You have always been there to support and offer words of encouragement with my photos, 'you are a given' Grant, and I appreciate you and the joy I receive from your photos so much. My deepest appreciaiton for those kind words, most sincerely, Gail

Hello there, I hope you are having safe travels, if still travelling, and I thank you for taking the time to comment Rashed.  You must be very busy, yet you always leave an encouraging word.  Many thanks for your visit and well wishes. Most sincerely, Gail

When a loved one is in the hospital, it feels like holding your breath, doesn't it?  Life gets hijacked and takes your mind and heart places it may not want to go.  Wishing you a modicum of peace during this patch of the road you're on.

Thankyou for your kind words of encouragement.  You are so right about how one feels when someone we love is in hospital.  Sometimes I'm OKAY, and others, I feel 'out of place' within myself ..... if that makes any kind of sense.  I couldn't sleep, wanting to catch up with my rest but just can't tonite.  Tried watching TV to see if it would make my eyes tired when reading didn't help...no luck, so I just find it better to catch up  here and work on a photo. Your thoughtfulness is very much appreciated, more than you know.....my warmest regards, Gail

We are so sorry to hear about your mother's disease as a family.Be strong.Let God be with you.We are praying for her.Best regards.