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I like the general idea of what I think you're trying to do, but I think it might come through a bit more clearly with a bit of editing.  I would considerupping the contrast and then cropping some of the left side off.  I'm also wondering if B&W would work.

Thanks. This is why I ask for critiques. Members of a photo community trying to help each other. I'll try your idea and see what happens.  You're welcome to do the same.

I might, at that.  

As to critiques, there are some extremely talented, helpful photographers on this site.  Unfortunately, the volume of traffic is so high that many interesting images and photographers who really do want critique are missed.  

I spent a couple minutes fiddling with your image.  I don't know about the B&W.  It's really hard to tell with an image that's this small.  I did play with the crop a little.  What do you think?  

Much better than my original! Thay's why I put things out there for critque - this helps tremendously. Thank you for taking the time to do this.

My pleasure!   It's rare to find someone who honestly wants critique instead of "ooohs" and "ahhhhhs."  

Cropping is something I've struggled with and still don't always get it right.