Untitled

Where you place the eyes in the position of great prominence in a portrait, as you have done here, they need to be crisp and pin sharp. Part of the eye architecture are the eyebrows and you have cut the nearest one off. Where you have a facial feature such as the mouth it should be complete, you havevcut the bottom lip off which is interfereing with the balance and aesthetics of the face.

Your plane of focus is far too shallow for this particular type of image. I would suggest the whole face and lock of hair should be in focus and the background out of focus. This image does not work as it is and my only suggestion is to re-take the image. You are very close to success at an unconventional portrait so do keep working.