Inna, the Cutter

The Soviet Union just fell apart.

Gorbachev just walked away from the Soviet Union; on Christmas 1991, he resigned and left the former Republics to fend for themselves, and the former 'great' Soviet Union simply 'imploded' dragged down in part by the huge spending necessitated by their failed government's seen need to 'keep up with the US on defense spending, led by the spender-in-chief Ronald Reagan (who presided over the highest US deficit to that time, until George W. Bush, (II) though Republicans are supposed to be fiscally conservative.

Literally, the Soviet Union collapsed of its own weight.

Since then, there has been upheaval. Blame Karl Marx, Lenin, Trotsky, and Stalin, as well as Brezhnev, although people had food to eat under Brezhnev, and a system that bred corruption which remains (although the Orange Revolution made corruption somewhat harder to maintain, I undersand, in Ukraine)

This cutting behavior is not something that was 'foisted off' on poor Inna, although her father's frustration at not getting his own psychological counseling, possibly drinking behvior (speculation), and lack of psychiatric medication (for her and him) all may have contributed (but that's a result of poverty, (not some geopolitical capitalist conspiracy) -- you just have to telephone 10 pharmacies to find IKUPROPHEN, their kind of ibuprofen, which is what we call Advil or Motrin, I think, an anti-inflammatory and pain reliever sold for next to nothing in every US pharmacy (but they have more common pain relievers, though not many, and their doctors' education is hopelessly inadequate and outdated, though they all mean well. (that includes professors (I spoke to a couple of professor physicians and my personal physician/neurologist knows far more than they -- he could teach them a thing or two.

Inna (and her parent) are people, caught in world historical events, and are NOT the targets of any conspiracy, and the social system of her country just isn't rich enough to do more than care for simple things like taking care of colds, infections, heart attacks (and many of those represents fatalities, a cardiologist from neighboring Russia told me -- a chief cardiologist from Chelyabinsk I once briefly dated,and the two countries are closely related with Russia more advanced medically.

There just isn't a chance to protect poor Inna until she gets out of the house.

But friends may shelter her, and there is hope as she matures.

Self-medicating with alcohol is the 'way out' for generations of Russians (and most Ukrainians are Russian heritage), as there is a lack of medicine for pain and psychiatric ailments, and psychology is rudimentary.

Alexander, you just have to go there, to understand -- there's just so much I can write before I have to invite you to spend a couple of weeks or more among the people, living among them, and staying in their homes (mostly very, very warm and nice people, especially the Ukrainian people even compared to the Russians who are notorious for being close to friends and family).

John

Actually, I showed this to a woman who is skilled in personality disorders and 'cutting behavior' and she was amazed that Inna would show me her cuts, let alone allowed them to be photographed.

The reason is that I hired Inna as a 'photomodel' and did not concenrate on the 'cuts', and instead took photos of her face and upper body and face to gain her trust, then and only seeming to be an afterthought, did I ask permission to take this (and another, similar, photo). She was so proud of her starring role in such 'professional' photos that I had gained her trust, and so she allowed me to photograph what she normally apparently never showed to anyone -- her cuts (so far as I could tell).

I don't really think there was any attention-seeking going on here. She did not advertise the cuts; I found them; I had caught sight of them by accident and focused on them since I knew they indicated something of great importance and determined to photograph her and them if the opportunity arose.

Obviously, judging from this thread, this photograph has some great power.

I think Inna's willingness to show these 'cuts' to me, belies her willingness to show them to anyone else; I think they are hidden under long sleeves for all others. I just was lucky and gained her trust enough to make a rare capture.

John (Crosley) (sorry for the late reply -- I overlooked an important response.)

You know Inna John and take it for an individual case. I do not know her though I pity her, but I also see it as a general symptom. That is the difference John.

I see people in trouble in all modern societies and I see more and more. Destroying social structures is happening here every day. People getting sacked after long years of engagement for the company losing their qualified jobs and their planned out incomes and being exposed to dependency and the disposal of social workers or even worse those Juppies now founding and ruining one so called service-company after the other. And it is not one or two its tens of thousands. And the news from all over the world are no better. Just heard that Ford Motor Company in the states is SETTING FREE thousands of people. They cannot all work at McDonalds. So why not blame Ford and Opel and VW and DaimlerChrysler e.a. I am very close to the higher management of some big companies here in Germany, meaning I see how they work and organize their things and what they care about. And I tell you I am not amused about these people. Its those management-guys taking 50 Mio Euros from company property and destroying thousands of workplaces at the same time and when they are put to court they do not even understand what could have been wrong with that. (protagonists of Mannesmann-Vodafone takeover).

But to be true I am not into simplifications on that matter and I do not share a view on history working with winners and losers and good and the bad guys. Its structures and their development you have to take care of. The breakdown of the SU is one thing which is widely misunderstood and underestimated concerning the future development of economy and society. The idea that WE have won and THEY have lost is widespread but wrong. Remember that here in Germany we had a pre-breakdown of a communist system right around the corner and we can inspect the social impact much closer. Its not so crude here, we are still doing alright and nobody can complain, compared to the people in many other regions in the world. Nevertheless people do, and there are many who are feeling socially degraded. But we are one of the richest countries in the world and so I can easily imagine how things will go elsewhere. And it is not a conspiracy John. You only got to read financial times or wirtschaftswoche or listen to some management-seminars to find out what is going on. And because I critic those people it does not mean I love the others. I am not into that b/w thinking though I like b/w PHOTOGRAPHY (which is what we should come back to now). I would prefer something NEW and DIFFERENT in both, in Art and in real Life.

And I certainly wish something NEW and lasting for Inna.

Corporations (Aktiengesellschafts) have taken on a new place in our world, devoid of all humanity at all -- more like the days of the giant trusts that the anti-trust laws were designed to break up -- the old Standard Oils, Krups, etc., that were so horrible and egregious, and Unions also acted as brakes on their power, but now it's globalization, and easy transportation from one country to another of information and labor as well as finished product and raw materials that has the less developed countries taking work from the more developed world especially the sclerosed Germany and the rest of Europe, especially Northern Europe, and jobs are falling in face of 'the new global imperative'.

No longer can there be a Japanese-like lifetime fealty to a single employer; young Americans are being told they have to continue to build skills to market themselves for a lifetime, and the more successful ones will be able to switch jobs continually from place to place and workplace to workplace for a lifetime.

Success will be as dependent on ability to 'shift employment' seamlessly as on one's actual abilities to do a job. Marketing oneself may be as important as one's work skills. Trumpeting one's skills may be more important than keeping silence and letting the 'work speak for itself' since no one will be left at previous jobs; as all the employees are 'let go' or in your terms (U.K. English too) 'made redundant', a wonderful term.

That's the new imperative.

The rules for success have changed.

Corporations have no loyalty to their workers.

So, the corallary is the workers should have NO loyalty to their corporations. You get only what you give.

Poor Inna here, however, has gotten, however, far more than she has given, and maybe it will destroy her chances in life -- maybe not.

I wonder if I ever will see her again or what her life will be like. I hope it is better.

(I endorse your feelings and B+W phoography for many things, but like the colors of some photographs such as this one which does well in color, though it also would do well in B+W.)

And I always enjoy your commentaries, which are getting more far-reaching . . . more in line with my own discursive way of explication.

Thanks.

John

I have re-read the above discussion.

It's Photo.net at its best.

I have learned, however, that Inna was probably 15 years old -- maybe 16 -- at the time this photo was taken, rather than the 18 years she professed. (I may be wrong, as the new info is NOT definitive.)

(In any event, I had NO attraction to her, other than as the subject of this and a like photo; although she professed to be a 'prostitute', I do NOT patronize such services, particularly from a person such as this. I make efforts in life, having once had a very bad experience with a woman who had been traumatized, to avoid close contact with females who have had bad experiences with violence and/or sexuality in their young lives. It's simply too much work, and too fraught with danger (to wit, my own beautiful young wife has had -- and still has -- brain cancer, and its effects and dementia -- as it related to me -- were devastating, with her having concluded with certitude that 'I caused her cancer' and also (quite falsely) that somehow I was a criminal kingpin followed by attempts to destroy my life and my freedom.

Brain cancer does funny things to people who start out 'normal'; why dance with trouble by bringing the obviously afflicted into one's life -- people such as Inna? My 'wife' lives far away and we're only a judge's signature away from dissolution (divorce) and have been for two years.

However, the new info about Inna's possible young age adds a new wrinkle, doesn't it?

In Ukraine, school, I believe, ends at age 16, and youths are expected to 'get a job' and fend for themselves (though most do live at home, and for a long period).

What will poor Inna do?

Was she in fact a 'prostitute'?

Or was she 'goofing?' me, possibly intending to 'sic' criminal friends on me after my flat's location was determined (which I foiled by being nice to her). (street kids in Odessa often will rob those who try to be nice to them.)

This is something that does not happen in Dnepropetrovsk -- a large city up the Dnieper River, where one need have no fear of 'street kids'.

I met one American man, an 'outlaw' biker of Ukrainian descent, who was lured into buying food for a Ukrainian 'street kid' and then was ganged up on by a group of them and had his money/valuables stolen (his second personal theft in a week) -- he was not 'streetwise'.

I can carry tens of thousands of dollars worth of cameras in the same neighborhoods around the same people, and sense if there's trouble brewing, (and don't drink if photographing), and nobody ever trys anything with me, or if they do, they don't get far, as I am skittish as a bunny rabbit (and can run as fast too, if there's danger, and I have a whole host of 'street' tricks for if danger does develop for real. I've survived war; and don't want to use any of my 'nine lives' to some goofball on the 'street' far from the safety of home, and often find that in California, it often can be more dangerous than in far-off lands that others would 'find' dangerous and might (for them) in fact be dangerous, but for me are far less than dangerous. One reason is that in a poor country (not in some lawless country, say, in Africa or ruled by warlords somewhere), the value of my equipement showing often marks me as some sort of 'special person', and people are 'in awe' of it (when I show it, as often it is concealed under long coats/jackets/lenses in long pockets, etc. A London Fog overcoat for winter/spring/fall will hold four long 80~200-size Nikon lenses and conceal 2 D200 or 2D2X cameras around my neck. (I don't actually carry four 80~200 lenses of course, that just gives one an idea of the knee length down coat's capacity. I have a similar london fog jacket with similar capacity for lighter weather, which looks all 'beat up' and does not mark me as 'anything' -- I blend right in.

I have been known, in a crowd situation, when crowd 'organizers' have physically shoved me, however, to take a photo of them from about 8 inches away with my SB800 right in their eyes -- I don't like being shoved. After five or eight flashes, they move away and don't return, they're blinded and confused. And at night, an SB800 flash, held in a pocket, can serve as a flashlight (and emergency signal), since it has both the ability to fire single flashes in rapid succession in pitch blackness which will alert anyone for a mile of the presence of 'something unusual' and it also has a very brilliant 'modeling light' which is enormously bright -- also good for illuminating anyone who looks like they're trying to 'sneak up' out of shadows.

(A few notes about 'safety' for the 'street photographer who's out late at night.)

John (Crosley)

I think this portrays the problem. But I struggle deeply with people who happily flash their wounds to camera's. It is something I have struggled with for a long time, I dont see how they can bring them selves to do it for a start, why they would want to draw attetion to it, I wouldnt want sympathy, or the extra attention I know it brings if people see it, and in allo of places, it isnt good attention.

It is a hard concept for people to accept, and I think people who ahppily show it aren't thinking of others.

I understand the pain they go through, why they do it.

I just can't grasp the concept of showing true self harm, I dont mnd portraying it fake, but the reality, the real scars and people I can't bare seeing.

Good photo though

Your post is predicated on false assumptions. You presuppose this young Inna is 'happily showing' her scars . . . when in reality that is far from the case.

In fact, she was really reluctant to show them.

She was a young prostitute, who thought she was prostituting herself, but not with me. I hired her (despite her prostituting herself to me) to be only a legitimate photographic model, just to pose for me with the scars she had inadvertently revealed.

She was not 'showing off' her scars willy-nilly -- she was barely showing something that was deeply troubling to her to a stranger who was sympathetic some time after she told her story of her father beating her. I had surmised that there was such a story and spoke to her about her life, and in our talk, she revealed the story of the scars. I understood she had not spoken of that story to other adults before, and there were no psychological/psyhchiatric services available to her in Ukraine then, as the country was quite poor.

Only then did she agree to have them photographed. I do not patronize prostitutes, much less young ones, and have no dealings with such young women at all in almost any circumstance except for this rare exception.

I had seen these scars barely showing on the street when she was with acquaintances, and when she approached me asking for money, I agreed to pay her some money, but told her she would be a photo model only (and then she would go away), all in my bad Russian.

I did talk with her, as I do with all models, to establish rapport, and to gain a better working relationship, to the point where she understood I was not a 'John' as that term is used in the 'trade', and that I was merely a photographer. I only took photographs of her to the point where she revealed her scars; this is one of two or three such photos, then I paid her and away she went. (she gave me a kiss on the cheek in thanks.)

So, at my request only, she had showed me her scars, replaced her outer top and exited and pocketed her 'model fee'. I seldom pay model fees,but this was a well-earned one.

It was a deep decision of her for her to show her scars, and even to tell the story of poppa hitting her/beating her, but she did so, and for the betterment of many young women like her and for the understanding of those of us who view the photo.

Witness the extensive and rather learned discussion about the photo and the meaning of these scars in the discussion above -- this have been a major sociological undertaking, I venture.

She is better for it (she said it herself); she got money, and did not have to prostitute herself.

She was quite relieved to earn money to feed herself, not get beaten that night, not have to return home (not stay with me, of course, but maybe with a relative or friend), have food, and have time to take stock of her life and understand that not all men father's age or older are exploitative.

(My girlfriend who is beautiful and not nearly so old as I writes me that I have a very good serdze ('good heart'), and that is why she is attracted to me, despite a rather large age difference (but I hesitate to emphasize, she is a full-grown adult -- and has exceptional judgment in all things and an extraordinary inteellectual capacity.)

In other words, this photo and its process also presented to her a positive roll model of a man for her, and she thanked me profusely, in part for the opportunity to tell her story, which she could not readily tell to others, and to do honest work that was not so demeaning as what she had intended to do.

In truth and fact, she was quite relieved AND pleased with this encounter.

So, your argument above, is based on a faulty assumption.

She was a willing, but not eager participant, who was thankful for a chance to unburden herself to a nonjudgmental man who understood how awful it was to be beaten by a person who should have been a trusted and loved one.

And I understood personally (my personal feelings) that these scars were ritual suicide not carried to its logical end -- toying with the idea of killing herself, but never fulfilling that urge, in seeking to minimize the awfulness she suffered regularly from her poppa.

Why?

Because she knew that one day soon she would be old enough to leave her home (perhaps even by a few days from this photo day), she would no longer get beaten, and she could try to pursue a happy life.

To actually commit a true suicide would have acknowledged to herself that there was no hope, ever.

To cut herself acknowledged that there was great pain with no near-term hope, but eventually with hope for a happier life, free of abuse.

I think about this some times (even a day or so ago), and I am convinced I did exactly the right and proper thing, and that I produced a very powerful photo that Inna had no objection to at all, and in fact was congratulatory about, because it was a way to relieve herself of a terrible secret she had kept to herself -- and that her cutting was 'silent screams' when a photo like this, shown to others was a better way of communicating her pain.

Think about what I have written and see if it doesn't make complete sense . . . please.

I am a compassionate man . . . which is one way I get so many wonderful and touching photos in which people place often instant and deep trust in me. This is one result of that. I know how to earn AND keep that trust.

I may be bold and sometimes aggressive at times on the street, but in private, as here, I am also very respectful and responsible and it shows to those I photograph -- look at the expression on her face . . . . she is telling you (the viewer) and me, just how much it hurt her that she HAD to cut herself, and how much she hopes that in the future she will never have to contemplate that again.

Agree?

John (Crosley)

It wasn't a personal attack at this young girl, trust me I know all to well trouble and turmoil.

Just expressing how I am perplexed at people whom do just show scars or can bring themselves to show them.

I do not wish you to think that I have anything against you

or the girl

and I do apologise, that what I said was not expressed correctly and I do apologise, it was a general statment.

I respect her, more than you could imagine, to push your self through all that she goes through, weather it is the extreme she does or even just day to day stress she finds hard to cope with, that she can stop herself from truely harming herself, suicide. I respect her allot for just pushing through, and if thats how she copes, then thats how she copes

and I have no problem with her talking to people, unburdening, that is has nothing to do with what my comment said, and to be fair re reading it I have realised how badly I did attemptivy put across my thought. I just don't understand how PEOPLE can show off their wounds. Not a personal attack at anyone, just a generalised comment to allot of people whom do it. This photo, it has a purpose. It for fills it's purpose

My comment was not directed at the photo, and again I will prefusely apologise that I did word my opinion so badly, and I do agree especially that my wording on happily flashing to camera's perhaps wasnt the most sensative. But my generalised point still stands, I do not understand people who can let others see their scars, I do not understand how they cope most of all.

And I will re itterate, no personal attack to you or the model, she got her money, and did nothing, and has done nothing wrong, as you have not.

Again before I go I apologise prefusely for my bad wording and pharasing, I should have though more. and said all of that I was thinking.

My last comment deffinatly still stands.

This is a good photo.

We all have our own views about 'how things should be done'.

Some of have more closed viewpoints than others.

Mine, borne of great experience, as a journalist, lawyer, (and all lawyers ultimately are armchair psychiatrists) and as a photographer, is a particularly lenient view.

People are different.

Also, people who are too rigid, tend to break. If Inna here, was not able to unburden herself some way -- literally to 'let off steam' in some way, she would have done herself in. The cutting is one manifestation. Posing for this photo instead of doing prostitution services is another. She got off easy with me and was very relieved . . . and some small part of what she hoped to find in a happier, better world was realised that early evening. I was a role model for the type of man she hopes will populate her world . . . not her father.

Now her father may have had legitimate grievances . . . she may have back-talked him, run out of the house after bedtime to sleep with her boyfriend, even set fire to things.

But beating her is and was out of the question . . . . there is no behavior she could have done so serious that it warranted her relieving the stress with such self-abuse.

But make no mistake - - - her father may or may not have had some justification for extreme anger . . . . I know nothing of that. Some children set fire to things . . . and then act as though 'it was not my fault my parents got so angry'. But i have no insight into what if anything Inna did. I captured the sympathetic side of her, but do not know the full story.

In any case, her father's actions (I suppose they were portrayed correctly) were unjustified in any case. Hitting women and daughters is unconscionable -- period, unless you're defending yourself, and perhaps she has a knife . . . or his hitting below the belt and causing real harm and hurt.

I presuppose truth in what she told me, because those scars on her arms (and recent cuttings as well) presuppose that she did them for a purpose, and that purpose was to 'let off steam and some expression of showing that she was disgusted with how others saw and/or reacted to her . . . .so she engaged in a ritual of cutting.

Sick?

Yes, but not so dangerous as taking poison, shooting one's self, or jumping off a bridge (or in Ukraine, going on in -40 Celsius temperature overnight without a warm coat and lots of undergarments, then getting drunk and falling asleep never to wake up again.

So, Inna is sick, but time in fact may heal her psychic wounds somewhat, though not nearly so fast as those wounds on her arms will heal (they are well scabbed over already.

Teenage years are time for rebellion,and who knows how much she has rebelled?

But here, she is portrayed sympathetically. She was not some 'hardened bitch' that we hear about in modern western (and Ukraine and Russian) rap music. She was, by all appearances, rather sweet and just making do.

I wish her all the success in the world, although the desk is stacked against her. If she could have sought refuge with relatives, I am sure she would have already (that is a frequent solution in Ukraine/Russia, where relatives are very important.)

Now, as to your un-understanding of how some people can bare themselves and their troubles, that is a personal idiosyncrasy to yourself, and you have to look deep inside yourself to find out where that comes from. Perhaps it is part of a cultural and/or religious heritage and comes from a part that says no one can admit defeat and/or trouble and to keep up 'appearances'.

Inna did keep up appearances, and only through interesting luck did I learn of these scars -- they were not 'shown' to me, but I spied them inadvertently out of doors and based a very, very short series of photos based on them (and didn't tell her what the photos were for . . . . or she might have refused) She might have believed they were to be erotic or something like that, but they were not; they were for THIS PHOTO ONLY.

Then she was shown this photo, agreed that it told the truth, told the session was over, paid and she kissed my cheek and left, very happy.

Approximate time spent -- 1/2 hour. I did show her some of my photos on the Internet, so it may have been more. That's a good way to earn model trust, by the way; to show them photos from the Internet, as that shows that the world can see one's photos, and that one is not 'anonymous' and also is 'serious'.

I personally think Inna was telling mostly the truth; the scars are not those of a habitual liar. Her story holds up to me.

That it offends you that others tell of personal hardship is something personal that I think may be worth exploration . . . . .

Let's make an analogy.

When they make the first airliner, they make a copy.

The copy is made to destroy.

They use the copy airliner body to attach to winches and pulleys with measuring instruments.

At a set time, the pulleys are engaged to engines that are attached to appropriate fasteners on the wings and the wings are distorted way past all reason - even maybe past a 45 degree angle, before they snap off.

It is the fact that they will bend rather than snap when stressed and that is their saving grace. Eventually, when pulled beyond extreme reason to absurd positions, they will snap, but not in anything they will ever encounter in a working airliner's lifetime -0- and nowhere near that.

Any wing that will not flex is surely going to snap easily.

Be trusting of an airline where the wing flexes greatly; it's that way for your safety.

Humans are similar.

They must be allowed to flex, and sometimes part of that flexing is the freedom to share the pain of those pulleys and winches that are trying to snap one's psyche. Just the mere fact of sympathetically being listened to appears to have great value in releasing a person's expressed psychic tension, and thereby easing the pain.

That is a function my having listened (and also having taken this photo) fulfilled for Inna that night,I am sure.

I think by now probably because of her coping mechanisms,she has not snapped and has a chance at a happy life.

All because she did cut herself and did no worse in the face of what must have been great abuse. It would have been a difficult extrication for her with lasting scars, but I think she has a chance of finding her happiness.

I will not be judgmental about anyone who feels such pain they feel the need to share their pain -- I may be their aspirin or their Percocet, and by listening, I may prevent that suicide.

That's my point of view.

John (Crosley)

Browsing today/tonight, I glanced at this, remarked that it has over 50,000 counted views, under the old and new systems.  The old system counted thumbnail views; the new does not, and since it obviously has been seen a lot under the new system, but not necessarily clicked on, it may even have been seen twice as much as that.

This is a rare Crosley 'flash' photo.

I had several SB800 Nikon flashes with me, for use in taking model photos and in general photography, though almost never used, even in the studio. for in the studio which I rented it came with monolights.  I used a SB800 sometimes to trigger the monolights, though.

So, I set the SB800 to bounce off the ceiling and swiveled it a bit, adjusted the intensity a bit more, as the room was very blue and I didn't want my subject to turn out blue from reflected blue light, and took this and a few other photos, all with bounce flash.

The brightness and lightness of the flash overwhelmed the reflected blueness of returned light, and with in-camera processing, the JPEGS (I think this is from JPEG), turned out OK and even shows the veins in her arms as well as the cuts, bruising, scabs and healing. Even shows old scars as white, and some may not have been from intentional cutting.

In fact, it seems this cutting behavior is more recent, juding from the scars on her forearms . . . . perhaps something that happened in the previous year or so with pappa.  Was she being 'abused' and couldn't say so?  The thought comes to mind and will never probably be answered except by Inna herself, and only if she tells the truth and remembers it clearly.

By this time, she is grown up and assuredly out of the house of poppa, and he has no ability to beat her, if my counting is correct, so the need to 'cut' may be gone, but she was a 'street' person, in part when I met her, too scared to go home to poppa, so who knows?

Maybe she has had some horrible disease, or she has gone to university and excelled.

In any case, I gave her some money, treated her kindly, took this photo and sent her on her way.

And minded my Ps and Qs as always.

And made a very good point; one that I think has rarely been adequately illustrated.

john

John (Crosley)

Please see this link about the relationship betwen emo (emotional) women and self-mutilation, and there is much more to find on the web by googling 'EMO' and' 'self-mutilation'

http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/emo.html

john

John (Crosley)