private/emotional moments - Shoot or not?

[twatkinson]

Just curious what other people's thoughts are on this topic. I shot a wedding last weekend and before the first dance they had a song to

remember/celebrate both their fathers who had passed away. They asked that during the song everyone take a moment to reflect on their

loved ones, here and gone and to remember to appreciate the time we have together because in the end it will be too short. Needless to

say, it was a pretty emotional few minutes. Hugs, tears, quiet moments of reflection, even I got choked up.

 

My question is, would you shoot in this situation? I choose not to as the reception venue was very dark and I wouldn't have been able to

get good shots without my flash. I felt my flash going off would have been distracting and most likely an annoyance during this moment, so

I held off. Since there can be so many private/intimate/emotional moments throughout the day (prayers, remembering loved ones, etc.), do

you shoot only when you can be invisible or would you risk possibly interrupting the moment to get the shot?

[stoney1]

I lost my dad just a few months before my wedding. I was fine that day until the wedding party and family members entered the reception hall. When my mother's name was announced as she was being escorted in by a family member other than my dad, it hit me hard for a few moments. My eyes are pretty red in the photo of my wife and I entering the hall. Since they weren't tears of joy that I was trying to hold back, it's not a photo I enjoy seeing in the album. I wanted those two minutes or so to remain private, but the photos made them public. Granted, my photographer probably did the right thing as everyone takes the shot of the couple entering the hall. Your situation seems uncommon and I think you made the right choice, since it's not an expected shot and some people don't want to be portrayed during what can be extremely private and emotional moments of unhappy thoughts.

[veeee]

Ya would hold off on those shots, no one would want them in the album also, it would create a disruption in the album instead of a flow....

[kin_lau]

At a friend's wedding, the photog was shooting during the prayer. It was very audible thru the whole building.

[marten_holmes]

I think you did the right thing Talitha.

[joshroot]

All depends on the client and the mood of the situation.

[jlharris]

The client is hiring us to document their wedding. Intimate, emotional moments are the most important to capture. I wouldn't go wild, firing my flash continually, but I would definitely keep shooting.

[think27]

I Think you made the right choice especially because flash would have interrupted a private somber moment.

 

I think we all have to use our judgment in situations like this. It depends on the situation, the mood of the moment etc. I always ask if there is anything unusual that will be done during the ceremony or the wedding day. If there is a death in the family that will be addressed - I ask how they want me to handle it. Some people really want it shot. Once it was a rose given to a Dad who's wife had died in honor of her during the ceremony and other times a candle lit for a departed loved one and in these two instances they wanted it shot).

 

I had another instance where the Mom was dying of cancer and when she got up to dance with her son everyone started bawling - including me. I shot a few tender photos of the two of them dancing but did not intrude on the people watching that where in tears. Too private.

[david_schilling___chicago_]

I agree with Mary that it is a question of judgemnet, there are times when it's not appropriate and other times when it's not only appropriate but expected. A shot of the person saying grace prior to dinner is a must get shot and is expected. There are also moments during a Catholic ceremony when it's not approriate to shoot, or move around, or otherwise draw attention to yourself.......maturity and experience is often golden with these moments.

[savagesax]

Some things don't need to be photographed and this is one of them. You were smart not to take any shots.

 

There of course remains a very fine line here. One time the Bestman, also the brother, made a wonderful toast to their dad. In this case it was for happy memories, which I feel needed to be covered; the glasses being raised, and touched together by the brothers and the bride.

 

This is actually an excellent topic to discuss, because it happens more often than we would like it to. Glad you brought it up.

[david_amberson1]

Great topic to bring up. I think you probably mad the right choice. I also think you have to feel the

mood/clients/situation(as I think you did).

 

But on the other hand, I was shooting something very different, but very similar. It was a Senior in High School and

his last Baseball game....ever. His College didnt have a team. They were in the playoff's, final game, final round. And

lost.

Of course parents were crying, players were very upset. I made a very tough decision after feeling the crowd and

shot all of it. I went with my gut.

 

About 2 days later after I got them up online, I got a phone call from a Mom. She was crying as I couldnt even

understand her. She said I had captured something no one had ever seen. As the son walked by, he met his Mom

and Dad as they hugged him for comfort. I was behind the son and his dad was looking past me over his sons

shoulder...crying. She said that neither her(mom) or her two kids had ver seen their father cry...ever in 18 years. And

I had it for them. It was very important to them. She wanted it framed and given as a present to her son at his final

Banquet the next day.

 

While its not a wedding and somewhat different scenario, also very similar. You went with your gut, i went with mine.

Mine worked out for sure, I'm pretty sure yours did as well.

 

Great to bring this up as its always a question, but i think if you have good sense, you'll make the right call. But you

did add something to my mind when shooting a situation that comes up as yours. I'll remember this thread and I'm

sure

it will help me avoid some problems. Thanks

[darrengold]

Spot on Talitha.

 

Some things in life go unsaid, some go unwritten and some go unphotographed.

[geoffcauble]

Well said Darren.

 

We are taking photos but the point isn't the photos, it is the life. Sometimes, moments in life are best un-photographed. As has been said, judgment is the key. It can be very painful watching a photographer who can't read a situation or understand that there is more to life than just getting the shot.

[arie_vandervelden1]

I think the answer is going to depend in part on the wishes of the clients discussed beforehand. Did the client ask for photojournalism-type coverage, candids? Or were they more interested in the standard posed shots. Did you sell them an edge style, or sugar n spice and everything nice? Did you ask them if you can be aggressive and get the shot, or did they prefer you hang back and interfere with things as little as possible?<P>

<I>the reception venue was very dark and I wouldn't have been able to get good shots without my flash</I> - Sometimes photojournalism-type shots have compromised image quality - grain, blur, underexposure.<P>

[craig_gillette]

I don't find that intense emotional moments need go uncaptured, however, the photographer should be sensitive to the moment (as with many other parts of the day) and not become a part of the moment through excessive noise, movement or flash, etc.

[ObiWon]

I think your reaction not to shoot was right on the mark!

[weddings1]

One wedding I was shooting and saw the MOB crying with sisters and just snapped away. As soon as I clicked the first one I knew they were not happy tears. I never showed the image to anyone.

[twatkinson]

Thanks for the responses everyone. It's not a topic I've seen discussed and I thought I'd bring it up. I think I made the right

choice for the situation, I was just wondering what other's thoughts were on the subject.

 

What about during prayers? Any thoughts?? Personally, I have shot during a prayer in the ceremony when it could be done

discretely, and other times I've chosen not to (before the ceremony the bride's immediate family stood around her and each

one prayed with her - very quiet, very personal).

[savagesax]

Something not talked about. If you are unsure ask! For God sakes don't ask the person crying, ask the person next to her. Usually nodding will get you the reaction in queastion. This way tho moment is not gone.

[jenni k. - vancouver, b.c.]

Great topic.

 

I had a wedding in August that the father of the groom did not attend the ceremony, but left the hospital to attend the reception. He was dying of cancer. I carefully chose which images made it into the proofs... only ones where he was smiling, looking very happy, etc. He passed 2 weeks later. Right after the wedding, the groom contacted me about having a 4x6 printed, so his dad could have it in the hospital room. I printed 5 different ones, and sent them gratis... the couple was so grateful.

 

In a few weeks I have a wedding where the groom's father has very recently passed. I didn't think about the implications this may bring... so I will ask. Thanks for jogging my memory on this subject.

[frolickingbits]

I just shot a wedding on Sunday where the Bride's father had passed away. She danced with her Uncle, and it was very touching and emotional. I got some great shots of both her uncle and her during that dance that she will be happy to have. I've found crying is a natural part of a wedding day, and there are usually both tears of joy and tears of sadness for those who couldn't be there for the wedding. Both emotions are part of the story of the wedding day, and if you are working as a photojournalistic wedding photographer, I believe it is important to capture both joy and sadness. Of course, it is critical to be tactful and follow your gut reaction, but don't be afraid to photograph emotions other than joy and happiness.

[brooks whittington]

We shoot EVERYTHING that happens.

 

The clients know this. We tell them over and over and over before the wedding.

 

If someone cries, we shoot it.

 

If someone falls down, we shoot it.

 

If someone has a heart attack, we shoot it. (and yes, this has happened at a wedding I was photographing with another photographer, and yes, we shot it).

 

If the bride and groom are fighting, we shoot it.

 

If the bride is crying because her destination wedding has to be held in a tent instead of outside on the beach because of rain, we shoot it.

 

Our job is to get photos of EVERYTHING that happens, happy or sad, good or bad. If I have to constantly be wondering "Would the client like this image?", I would miss half the moments I shoot...

 

Here is an example.

 

We were on vacation in Utah, when a bride who was getting married the next month called. She said her father was VERY ill, and was not expected to live through the week...so they were going to have a family wedding at the bride's house, so that her father could be a part of it, in case he died before the real ceremony.

 

They asked if we could shoot it (not knowing we were out of town)...Leigh and I talked about it, and decided to fly back the next day and shoot it.

 

As the bride walked down the stairs of her house, her father waited in a wheelchair at the bottom to walk her up the "aisle"...in order to get the shot I wanted, I had to get REALLY close to them both, and shot when she started crying...

 

Now, if I started thinking about if she specifically WANTED a shot like what I was thinking, I would never take it. Turns out, she loved the image, and was very happy we were there...

 

 

 

We choose clients that give us the freedom we need to shoot the way we do.

 

YMMV, of course.

 

~brooks

[shawn_mertz]

In your situation I think I would photograph a few of the couple, maybe immediate family, probably not the guests. If

someone is comforting the person crying it can be a very powerful image and they will probably want it. But every client is

different, be sensitive to each situation and go with your photo instincts. that is where your own personal style will come

from. Sometimes the answer is shoot sometimes the answer is no.

[stu_nowlin]

Judgment is always difficult with murky situations. I normally follow Brooks' example. I temper this, however, by running the ISO up to reduce the flash output (or shut it off entirely and shoot at 6400 hoping for the best) which makes me more likely to not be noticed. I do not, under any circumstances, disregard church policy, whatever it might be, concerning photographing during the ceremony.

 

Discussions with the clients before hand greatly reduces the chance of extreme embarrassment for anyone. Ansel Adams commented, in another context, quoting Blaise Pascal, "Chance favors the prepared mind." Let your clients know how you shoot and ask for their approval.

 

Stu

[mari_darr_welch]

<p>It is an emotional moment. And as a former newspaper photojournalist who was faced with many moments like these, it's not an easy choice to make. As a family member, the image would be the only tangible moment where the lost family member was "at" the wedding. It would have been perhaps a hard image to view at first, but in time a photo they would cherish.<br>

My advice would have been to pump up the ISO and shoot just a couple of images without flash at a slow shutter speed. Support yourself on a wall or camera on a table if you don't have a tripod. Shoot with a long lens. It is better to have the moment and not give it to them than not have it at all and not fully document the day.</p>