This OB nurse/photographer asked to take photo of deceased stillborn

[julie wainwright photograp]

I was asked and did take pictures of one of our patient's stillborn. I just

wanted to know if many of you have had these requests. This was very hard but I

did it and surprisingly came out very sweet and tasteful. I concentrated on

hands and feet. Brought in my AB400 and some black velvet material and softened

everything. Baby was full term so wasn't very little. Began looking into Now I

Lay Me Down to Sleep. Is anyone a part of this? Being a nurse is hard enough,

but being the Photographer made me feel like I could help with my knowledge

give them a sweet picture to keep of the little girl. Any ideas for posing? I

just did what looked like a typical baby hand and foot pose and shot just those

parts.

 

Thanks in Advance,

Julie

[holly_alway]

I joined NILMDTS as an affiliate photographer earlier this year. While I have only done a few sessions, they have been some of the most rewarding sessions of my life. If you join NILMDTS, you gain access to the photographer forums, which provide a lot of information on conducting these sessions, lighting in a hospital room and working with bereaved families. It also gives you access to a supportive community - which helps a lot when you need to debrief after a session.

[colleendonovan]

Holly has the right answer. I joined a couple of months ago. It's a very supportive and welcoming site for allinvolved with the death of a baby.

[michelle a.]

Colleen Donovan and I think David Schilling (who are both active members here on PNet) are both members of this very special group.... I haven't worked up enough guts to join yet. Even though I have friends who have been encouraging me to do it.

 

I'm sorry I can't give you advice but you may be able to get help from either of them....

[daydreamsart]

I just did a session for a baby born alive, but never took a breath (I've sent you an email with the link). NILMDTS is a wonderful organization and I may join yet. They have a private forum for photographers where they help each other with difficult circumstances. I was shocked at what I saw and read (but then I'm not a nurse), but it is important to be prepared for the worst and know how to deal with it in a calm and beautiful way. It meant SO much to the family I did it for. I would do it again.

[joshroot]

Kudos to the photo.net community (specifically the members of this forum) for taking a perfectly adult and respectful tone in a discussion that lesser people would have run downhill.

 

I worked for a few years helping to run the AV/photography department of a decently large hospital. One of the first things my boss warned me about was that this issue can and does come up. While it seems bizarre to anyone not in the situation, photos like these are very helpful for the parents and their grieving process.

[richsimmons]

As someone who lost two children this way, I can say that the photo I was given (polaroid) was immensely appreciated. as well as the hand and feet prints. I did not know that this organization existed. I would like to find out more about this organization and see how I can help. From both ends.

 

Thanks for the enlightenment.

[daydreamsart]

Rich, http://nowilaymedowntosleep.org

 

Being someone who has an even deeper understanding of what these parents go through, I'm sure you'd have a lot to offer.

 

I'm sorry for your great loss.

[richsimmons]

Thanks. Already signed up.

[julie wainwright photograp]

Thanks everyone. I have to tell you being an OB and ED nurse I see tragedy in the face more than I care to admit. I am also on the Fire Dept/Rescue. I have had the privelege of taking care of many families who are grieving and think this is very worthwhile. It was my first and just want to make sure I did that little girl justice!

 

Kiss your kids!

[gary evans]

This is the most morbid thing I've ever seen. As the father of 2 boys with another on the way, I really can't envision any scenario in which I would care to participate in this, either as the photographer or, God forbid, the parent.

 

Before anyone takes offense at what I'm saying, understand that I'm not criticizing. It's just not something I could ever do.

 

I am not a crier by nature. In the last 15 years or so, I think I've only cried while watching Homeward Bound and My Dog Skip. Didn't cry at multiple family deaths, didn't cry when I got married, didn't cry at the birth of either of my sons, just the 2 movies both about dogs.

 

But I went to that site, against my better judgement and nearly lost it. Didn't actually cry, but closest I've come since Skip had to be lifted on to the bed by Kevin Bacon and Harry Connick Jr. narrated "My Dad called me the other day, he said Skip had died."

 

Bless any of you that are able to do this (parents especially) for someone that wants it. I just don't think I ever could. And as many photos as I take of my kids, I think I'd prefer to just keep the ultrasounds if I were in that worst position.

[catherine_oostdyk]

I heard about this organization and went to their site over a year ago. I DID lose it. I was very touched by the images and it left a huge impression on me.

I thought about joining but second guessed myself because I thought I would be too emotional, cry at/during the sessions, etc. I talked to another photographer about it and she made the point that if you are emotional and have strong feelings about it, you'd probably take some great photos. I'm also sure the parents would appreciate that the photographers cared.

[julie wainwright photograp]

In the 5 years that I have been doing OB, we have lost 4 stillborn babies. The parents are encouraged to have a picture put in their memory box we provide for each infant in a sealed envelope then it will be their choice if they ever open it, but you cant turn back time to take the picture. I myself are not a big advocate for a full body shot of a abnormal looking infant, but the other night I did lots of "baby parts" feet, hands, hands and feet in one. They were most appreciative. It bothers us nurses also. I cried and cried as I was giving this precious little girl her first and last bath. The doctor cried with us, we all prayed together. God Blesses us to learn something from this horrible event. Take care and once again kiss your kids often. Thanks for the good words here, glad no one was catty. Take care.

[julie wainwright photograp]

Also, I didn't take the pictures in front of the parents. I did it in our nursery. Better control for my lights too. Then there was no pressure on myself.

[jml]

I too recently applied as an affiliate to NILMDTS. I was motivated by the tragedy of a dear friend last year losing her baby just minutes after birth. The hospital not only allowed the photos to be taken but also had a service where her little feet were cast. At her memorial these were displayed; for the viewers I think it made her little life seem more real seeing these things and touched them even more.

[lukefoto]

As a father who has lost a young child, you soon realize, after the shock has worn off, that all you have left are memories and photographs. Photographs are what we use to keep those memories alive. As a photographer, I am very glad that I took some beautiful studio portraits of my daughter before she passed away. My only regret is that I waited one weekend too many to shoot her 2-yr. portrait. She had a cold on the weekend of her 2nd birthday, and so I waited until the next weekend, which is when she unexpectedly passed away. I think once you've contributed to a service such as NILMDTS, you cannot put a value on the service you are doing to those families. You'll never be sorry...nor will those parents.

[johnw436]

This thread really opened my eyes to a subject I had never even considered. It also ripped my heart out to read the entire thread. My eyes were so wet I found it hard to get through it all. I honestly debated with myself for fifteen minutes before I built up the courage to explore the NILMDTS link.

 

My heart goes out to all these people. Most of the time I was reading through it I was praying for all these people. God bless all these families and may God also bless the photographers who have become a part of this process.

 

I noticed that the invite to join is predicated on being a professional photographer. This is something I would certainly give my time to, but I am not a pro. I understand the desire to only use working professionals. This would not be a time to botch the photos.

 

After reading through this thread, I began to wonder where else such a service could be provided such as hospices. Really something to think about.