first bridezilla - what would you have done?

[regas chefas]

Sounds like she's unsure of herself and doesn't know anything about photography, but

feels like she needs to have a photographer because that's just what you do when you get

married.

 

Because of that, she has undoubtedly done research and come up with a list of questions

to help her with the decision.

 

I think the very direct approach is the best here. Maybe you could just say, "It's obvious

you've talked to someone who knows a lot about photography, and you've mentioned your

Aunt. It's great that you have those resources, but the important thing is that YOU are

happy with YOUR wedding pictures." Also, ask her how important the photographs will be

to her REALLY.

 

She is stuck in an intellectual rut and can't free herself up to "feel" the pictures. Encourage

her to stop thinking and start feeling, maybe even by looking through bridal magazines

and discussing the finer points of photographs in them to help her learn. Get her to start

visualizing the positive things about her wedding photographs. Ask her to close her eyes

and imagine showing them to her children, her grandchildren, what do the pictures look

like in her dream? Hopefully this will create some emotional buy-in from her and she'll

start to get excited.

 

I think if you can break out of the role of "hired help" and move to a consultative or even

mentoring role with her regarding wedding photography, she might become one of the

best clients you've had. In the end, she might still decide to go with another

photographer, but whatever she chooses, it will be with passion and excitement about her

photos and you're much better off either way.

 

As she is going now, she's going to end up disappointed and feel slighted no matter if you

do them or someone else does AND no matter how good they are. Better to push it a little

bit IMO.

 

Thanks for posting this situation.

[lucafoto]

I can only repeat whay has been said above...

 

Trust your gut.

 

If you do take the job, make that contract as explicit as possible with her initials signed by every key point as well as at the end.

 

Good Luck!

[colleendonovan]

I run away from people like that. Once I left an album and had to go back and get it later. :)

[steve.elliott]

I think the problem here is some people seriously cannot tell the difference between and snapshop and a great photograph. Perhaps you could speak to the aunt instead - the Bride clearly has no clue.

 

I do get a bad feeling about this one though.

[conraderb]

No, I have no accepted the booking yet, and I don't know if they want to book.

 

Also, just so everyone knows, she didn't write down the answers to everything I said - it wasn't just like "here's a list of 10 questions I need to ask and I'll check off the box if you answer it" - it was compulsive questions; questions for the sake of asking questions and gaining some sense of security, even though at the end of the meeting I didn't get the sense that she was satisfied with her choice.

 

I think that this client is going to get a polite letter of the "I would love to take your money, but I don't think I'm the right person for the job". I'll post it if I send it.

[paul_sokal___dallas__tx]

Conrad,

 

I agree that instinct is a powerful force and I usually recommend one go with it for survival, though it's not infallible.

 

However, I also agree with some of the other comments that it sounds like she's a very uninformed bride who read an article in a bridal magazine or on the web and is asking all the questions without knowing why.

 

If for some reason-they're a particularly photogenic couple, it's a venue you like to shoot-it might be worth taking a chance, I'd try to educate her about photography and what you do. Maybe you can form a better relationship with her so you could move forward. O/W I think you're book for that day.

 

Paul

[matt_needham]

"If you were going to buy a diamond ring and didn't know the first thing about evaluating gem stones, do you think you might ask a lot of questions that might offend a professional jeweler? I would bet so. Sounds to me like she is just like you."

 

After seeing 2000 diamonds and speaking to previous clients of the jeweler I should be able to make a decision whether I'm going to buy from the jeweler or not. Whether or not Conrad is offended by her questions, she just doesn't seem particularly taken with anything he's offering. Another aspect of professionalism is knowing when the chemistry is wrong, declining the money, and recommending the bride find a photographer that makes her happy.

[conraderb]

I should say that while it is fine to ask people questions, this woman said that she had considered 20 different venues and over 15 photographers.

hrilled that we chose him!" level), and the very few pictures that

While it is fine to ask questions that might seem 'beginner', I think that the fact that she looked at 15 different photographers and still doesn't know what she wants says something to me.

 

In some cases, this would be an opportunity, but I don't think that this is going to get any better. She doesn't know what she wants, and there was no sense after the meeting that she had learned anything or was any closer to making any sort of decision. She didn't trust my solid gold references (which are often at the "Conrad's work is consistently better than any photographer I have seen" or "Conrad bent over backward to please us, and we are absolutely tshe did look at didn't elicit ANY excitement or interest from my point of view.

 

Everything felt lukewarm.

 

I HATE lukewarm. Love someone or hate them. Nothing lukewarm.

 

I hate declining a sum of money that only a few short years ago would have made my eyes pop out of my head, but if I took this wedding, I would probably not be looking forward to it for over a year.

 

Since I'm not starving yet, it just ain't worth the mental hassle and the possibility that she is disappointed with my results. I want her to be happy more than I want her money.

 

So - I sent a note to the client telling them that I'm not the right person.

 

Here's a copy:

 

_______

 

Hi Sally and John (not their real names, of course!),

 

I want to thank you again for meeting with me last night.

 

After some consideration, I have decided that I would like to withdraw

my name from your list of potential photographers.

 

As we discussed, I think that the first criteria in finding a

photographer is loving their portfolio. Although you looked through

several weddings, it seemed like something was missing for you and that you were not excited about my work. I need to know that my couples trust me and my eye, and I had the sense that I

didn't do enough to earn your trust by the end of our meeting.

 

In my view, a photographer?s role in the wedding day is very important. The right photographer will help the day go smoothly and will contribute to a positive experience.

 

As I said last night, the most important thing for ever couple is to

find the best photographer for them. In this case, I think that a better match can be made, and I need to be honest and up front about that.

 

Again, thank you for meeting with me. I hope you find someone whose work you trust and whose results you love, and I wish you the best for your wedding.

 

Sincerely,

 

Conrad

[picturesque]

Conrad--now she will probably beg you to reconsider and be outraged that you have the power to take something away from her... I would just have waited it out and dealt with it if she called you back.

[gregory_c]

I have shot weddings since 1994, had the close to same feelings like you. Shot the weddings, some were disasters. The past few like this we have told the bride that "we believe that we are not the photogtrapher you need."

Have you signed a contract with her ? Yes ? ouch, go on business trip that weekend, come shoot a wedding for me !! just kidding. Try to talk to her and tell her your feelings. no ? tell her what we say.

good luck !!

[conraderb]

no, no signed contract of course. I'm glad because I would be regretting it right now...

[jaimie blue]

after your first "nearly showed her the door," you should have shown her.

[a._t._burke]

There is only one answer:

 

Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it!

 

You will be sorry.

[greg jansen]

DO IT!!!!!!!! Trust YOURSELF that you will do the best job you can for her.

 

I've had a few like this. One brought me what must have been 100 different clippings from magazines of images she liked. Asked tons of questions. She was extremly detail oriented. After she booked, I learned the way to ease her anxiety was to give her a very detailed Excel spreadsheet with timlines, people needed for photos, where, when, etc. as soon as I could. That set her at ease. I even visited a photo location (park) before the wedding (something I normally don't do) and sent her some digital shots since she is out of town.

 

More work on my end, but I looked at it as a challenge and was confident enough in my abilities I didn't let her nervousness get to me.

 

Wedding day went smoothly, she loved the pictures.

 

That bride talks me up like no other. I have probably gotten 5 or 6 weddings from her direct referrals, something I would not have gotten had I ran from it.

 

Sometimes the ones that are harder to win over end up being your best clients.

 

Of course, the opposite has been true for me sometimes. I've had what I thought were the greatest, easiest to deal with clients come back with some "concerns" after they received their pics.

 

You never know.

 

Shoot it, keep busy, hope for the best.

[john_h.1]

You made a rational judgment call Conrad.

 

Someone said that professionals should make clients feel comfortable throughout the process and that hat process starts at the initial consultation to build trust. You made a good faith effort and the trust was not advanced. You were told that she is afraid of making a poor decision and that you should be glad to have a client who cares so much about the photography at her wedding. That's true in ways, but there is a difference between caring alot and obsessing over thousands of samples while being clueless about them and not being able to know what is suitable.

 

Yes, as suggested, questions probably arise out of ignorance but it is not about you lightening up, its about whether the client will. Its not a matter here about accepting only those clients who "bow unquestioning to your divine photography wisdom". Its about a mutually beneficial business/artist relationship. While she could be happy in the end, its a risky scenerio. As many said, instincts are key. You got the vibe for a reason.

 

Particularly unsettling was this whole aunt thing. Danger Will Robinson! Aunt Betty may have provided some good questions to ask and so forth but unless the aunt is your client, she can be a real wildcard here. The weird pose that the bride liked is the first clue.

 

I support your decision.

[lamont]

Well, Conrad.....

At the start when I read your story I thought 'yea, I remember this' and my first reaction was to have something else booked on that day. But I remember when girls asked me those questions, in one form or another. I have never turned a wedding away. Mike seems to have the right idea. Do it. It will add to your experience in the rich tapistry of life. Do also the following. 1. Send her if you can to two or three other brides whose weddings you have done. What she is trying to find out from you is really how trustworthy you are and how you behave at weddings. Your previous Brides will be able to tell her. 2. Ask her for her Aunt's address, because you want to talk to the Aunt about her art, and find out what sort of work she does. Tell her you need to do this because you want at least some photos that the Aunt would approve of. Say that lessons from artists are part of learning more about photography. You may find out that the Aunt has never sold a square inch of canvas. Get at least her name and google it. 3. Put a clause in the contract something like this.... "... there is no guarentee that you will like these photos but I do guarentee that I will do my very best under the prevailing conditions....". This cunning little bit will include pestering Aunts at the reception etc.

Then leave it to her.

If you do it you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you got it in front of 15 other photographers! And..... what do you have to lose? She can't badmouth you to anyone because all her friends and relations know what she is like. When she complains about the photos (she probably won't) people she is complaining to will be able see that there is nothing wrong with the photos.

Do it!

Donald.

[david_schilling___chicago_]

I like the honesty in your letter about your impression that she wasn't impressed with your folio....but, you missed the opportunity to have that frank, honest discussion at the initial consultation when it could have been helpful. Comments about do it or don't do it doesn't make any sense to me since you haven't been offerred the job. Withdrawing your name from her list also seems premature since they didn't offer a contract.

[conraderb]

>after your first "nearly showed her the door," you should have shown >her.

 

Maybe, but I have a really hard time doing this and have never done it before. I like to wait for the whole thing to end before I make a judgment. There are some clients where things started out a little rough but turned out fine by the end, and no problems during and after the wedding.

 

In this case, our meeting started with a weird "I don't trust you" vibe and it never got better.

 

I kid you not - when the couple was on my porch, ready to leave and go home, she asked "Are your prints on high quality archival paper?". Again, this is when they are standing on PORCH, AFTER we shook hands and the meeting was 'over'.

 

She was constantly in information-gathering mode, but she never processed it or filtered or applied it to her choice of photographer.

 

She just gathered, gathered, gathered.

 

For those of you who said I should have taken it - I would much rather book another client, even for much less $$, when I feel that they are excited for my work. I have covered 50+ weddings in the past three or so years, and every client has been satisfied.

 

I'm in the people-pleasing business and I happen to do that with a camera. I'm not in the camera business with a sidejob people-pleasing.

 

If I get the sense I can't please someone, it is a headache, which only makes my life richer in an unwanted way.

 

Let someone else photograph this wedding. July 2008 is a long ways away and I look forward to meeting another couple for that date.

[joann]

Wow, I don't see her as a bridezilla at all or even that difficult. She's doing her homework. Her aunt probably gave her a list of questions to ask and then she'll go back to her aunt with the answers. Afterall, this is the most important day of her young life so far and she doesn't want anything to go wrong. However, if she gave you the feeling that nothing you could do would be good enough, then I wouldn't accept the job. There are people who expect the impossible and when we don't delivery, look out.

[mpolfer]

Sounds to me like Conrad has met the second coming of my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law would ask the same redundant questions over and over.(pun intended) Then make you feel like as though you have never shot anything bigger than a birthday party.

No warm fuzzies here, just run as fast as you can in the other direction and think of all of the litigation you are going to now miss out on :)

 

Litigation: another signature move of my mother-in-law !!!!!!

 

Don't think that litigation is possible? Just ask the dry cleaner somewhere in the northeast about his $63million suit over a pair of pants.

I would also be afraid of anyone she may refer (birds of a feather...)

There really is such a thing a "business you don't want"

 

Michael

[michael_huizenga]

Buy an instamatic. Send it to the aunt. Go hit the bar. (Just kidding. Good luck)-Mike

[zave_shapiro]

In the car business they say "If the price was right would you buy it today?" There are tire-kickers and buyers. She's not ready to buy even if she hit the deal-of-the-century. She could turn out fine but could also join the group we often hear of that want to see everything you've shot. My first reaction was negative and I think your letter was well-put.

[primeimages]

Sounds like trouble to me. Run for your life!!!!