picky mother of bride

[stephen_f]

i just photographed a wedding, with wonderful results. absolutly stunning

photos. the mother of bride was very anxious to see photos, so she came over

less than a week after the wedding and viewed all the photos. meanwhile, bride

and groom still on honeymoon. after looking at photos, she was very pleased,

said she loved the photos i got of the bride and groom, alot to choose from.

anyway, she calls me up other day, and wants to have photos removed from the

online gallery ( i do online proofing) because i took to many photos of one side

the inlaws and not enough of the other side, and didn't want complaints from

them. so i informed her it was going to be online, and she almost flipped out.

then i told her i'll take them offline until we get this settled, and asked her

what the big deal was, since the main shots are focused around the bride and

groom. she then asked why i didn't take more photos of the other side of the

family. keep in mind everyone has had their formal shots taken, so nothing is

missed, we're just talking about candids at reception. i simply told her, i

don't know everyone in her family. long story short, she is coming over again

to pick out shots she don't wont on website, and i also informed her that i'm

not just going to remove them without bride and grooms permission (mother of

bride paid for wedding) and we'll just leave the online proofing offline till

the get home from honeymoon. anyway, the reason i typed this is, has anyone had

any similar situations happen, or how would you handle the situation. i'm

certainly not obligated to take an even amount of photos of in laws, because the

day is centered around bride and groom.

[joseph_linzner]

If I read your paragraph correctly the bride's mother paid for the wedding and I am assuming this means she also paid for your photography services. In that event she has total say on what pictures are suitable for display on your online gallery, including if any pictures are not to be shown at all. The old saying is that "who pays the piper has the ability to choose the tune". If the bride and groom paid for your services then you are right in the position you have taken with the bride's mother. Lastly are there any terms in your contract setting out parameters as to selection of photographys?

[elliot1]

It sounds like you are doing the right thing - let the bride and groom decide. Of course, if she is paying for your services, she may have a little more say.

 

I generally don't let anyone see the pictures until the bride and groom have seen them first (unless they specifically say it is ok). Perhaps this is something you should adopt in the future.

[Jerry_]

Usually the bride's side of the wedding (family, flower girl, etc.) gets the majority of the photos. If the groom's side wants photos, they will request a shot of so-and-so.

 

 

 

It isn't really a contest for 30 shots of the groom's parents and 30 shots of the bride's parents: it is "about" the bride and groom, on their day.

[stephen_f]

I too think the day is centerd on bride and groom and if i get 12 photos on one side of inlaws candidly, and 45 on the other side, that shouldn't matter. i do not know them, i just met them that day. the mother's reasoning was because the inlaws might raise an issue and start world war 3 because i didn't take as many shots of them. i was like "ok". i shoot over 50 weddings a year, and it seems like i might have one or two people a year that just will complain or find something wrong with something. anyone else out there have any crazy experiences?

[picturesque]

I disagree that whoever pays for photography services is "the boss". The person who signed the contract is the boss. So if the bride and groom signed the contract, you are only legally "beholden" to them. Of course, you don't want to be unnecessarily difficult, and if it is easy to please the MOB, since she paid for your services, then do so. But if it isn't easy, I wouldn't go out of my way to fulfill her requests, especially since the couple hasn't even seen the images yet. I personally don't think it is good practice to show the images to anyone before the bride and groom or to take any actions requested by others without consulting the bride and groom. I also think there should be a limit to the number of images you will agree to take offline or not put online to begin with. Either that, or reserve the right to put any images you want online. Whatever the case, there should be a firm guideline re that issue.

[jairy hunter]

I always resent it when someone expects me to be complicit with their personality

disorder. I don't mean that to be disrespectful, I just try not to let them drag me into

family dysfunction. Talk about a control freak--I can spot'em--my family's full of them.

 

Honestly, you didn't know who was an wasn't important, other than the obvious bride and

groom and immediate family. Maybe one side has more living members. That's not your

fault or your problem.

 

That said, I usually try not to let that kind of stuff get to me, and I accept full blame if

someone is disappointed (the old "blame it on me, I'm dumb" or "tell them it's my fault,"

self-deprecating excuse), but don't change anything.

[conraderb]

this is a good reason to try to make the bride and groom - not the parents or anyone in the family - the client. hope it goes well.

[david_schilling___chicago_]

I agree with Nadine....this is another case where you need to have a contract. I think that taking the photos offline for now while you sort everything out is a good idea. What does your contract say? You do have a contract, right? I also don't understand your comment about "not obligated to take an even amount of photos of in laws, because the day is centered around the bride & groom" ....balanced coverage of the bride -vs- the groom and one side of the family -vs- the other side is a common concern/complaint.

[jennifer valencia]

She sounds difficult, and it's putting YOU in weird position. I have actually not heard of this or encountered it before!

 

When do the B/G come back? Is it possible to talk to them before doing any removing or editing? If you MUST deal with the mother before you deal with the B/G, I would suggest listening tactfully, not saying too much, and trying to see where she is coming from. She may have good reasons (hard as it might see right now to see them!) for her request. Maybe you could delay the removal until you talk to B/G?

 

She paid and that makes her feel powerful. However, is she the one who signed the contract?

 

I don't really know anyone who has lines written into their contract about how many pictures go on line, and what to do if someone in the family doesn't like one/many of them. Interesting -- sounds complicated to build into a contract! Personally, I think contracts are long enough as it is; it might be hard to build that in w/out scaring away potential clients. But if someone has a sample to share, I'd love to see it. :)

 

let us know what happens!

Jennifer

[stephen_f]

Yes, I do have a contract. As far as online proofing goes in it, it just states it's included and the lengh of time. Never had something this weird come up. As far as my comment went, what I meant was, I dont care if I shoot 43 photographs of her parents and grandparents, and 12 or his. I'm their to focus on the bride and groom.

[steve_levine]

My number one rule is that no one sees any photos for at least 30 days!

This does several things. It creates some distance between the event and the photos. And it allows the photos to exist as a seperate entity from the event itself.

 

Rule number two, is that the bride always sees the pictures first. It doesn't matter who is paying.

[david_bain1]

I think you're probably doing the best thing as you are to smooth things over until the real stars of the show get back and take her in hand. I also agree with those who don't let anyone see the photographs before the B & G. That's always been my policy and part of the delay can, if necessary, be put down to film processing time. Is this a situation where digital is just too quick and convenient?

[j_c38]

It really doesn't matter who PAID for the wedding. Who are you CONTRACTED with. If the bride and groom signed the contract then this is the party you deal with. If this is the case, I would have NEVER let anyone see the proofs first.

 

WHO signed the contract is much more important then whos name is on the check. This is the person who you have a legal obligation to.

[think27]

Nadine is right...

 

Contract with the couple.

 

The couple sees the images first.

 

Your client is the couple...Not the paying party.

 

My contract is with the couple and I also have the "paying party" sign as the "paying party". In the contract it states the bride and groom are the client and all decsions are made by the them. When the paying party signs they are agreeing to the terms of the contract which include that they work out all priorities and details with the couple and that all my instructions come through the couple.

[david_schilling___chicago_]

"As far as my comment went, what I meant was, I dont care if I shoot 43 photographs of her parents and grandparents, and 12 or his. I'm their to focus on the bride and groom...." -Stephen

 

You can certainly shoot any way you'd like. While I don't promise and achieve 50/50 coverage between the two families, I do look for some measure of balance. I would expect to do some serious explaining if the ratio was 43/12. Unbalanced coverage is a very common complaint, most often from the MOB or MOG.

 

On a similar note, when it comes to portraiture the common ratio of bride-vs-groom is something like 75/25. The only time it appears to be an issue is when the groom is completely missed or the ratio is as low as 10/1.

[steve_hovland]

I think you are being a little bit pissy taking everything off just because she wants a few removed.

 

Do what she says and then give the B&G the full view.

 

The person who pays is the real customer, not the person who signs the contract.

 

When I am at these events I try to get as many people as possible, which can mean working every table at the reception.

[picturesque]

Jennifer--wasn't suggesting you put lines in the contract re what you will put online or not. Just have a policy. Every policy need not be put into the contract. If you don't have policies, you can be sure someone will come along wanting to "take advantage", not necessarily from a malicious standpoint, but due to human nature--to want what you want. For instance, I can understand a bride not wanting some of her "getting ready" photos to be put online, even if they are modest by every standard, but it will be a little more trouble if your client wants you to sort through your 300 images (or whatever) and take out select ones from all through the day.

 

To answer another part of the original post, I have seen cases similar to this involving the MOB/MOG (not my clients). Due to the nature of each person's role and the ages of same, you can be sure that each has different expectations of the photography and photographer. This is precisely why it isn't a good practice to show the images before the bride and groom have seen them. You also open yourself up, if you do, to any glitches in the relationships between the various parties involved. You and your photography may then become a pawn in a game between parties.