Umm Awkward!!!

<p>So I'm doing my first wedding next month and just found out that the maid of honor is....</p>

<p>...My old boss who had me fired and not only that- banned from the company 6 years ago. Holy cow what should I do?</p>

<p>Does the MoH know that you're the photographer?</p>

<p>Personally, I would say nothing ot the bride: a month before the wedding, she has enough to worry about. If you can, contact the MoH and see if you two can get together for a cup of coffee and chat. Remember that whatever happened, happened 6 years ago and you've both grown.</p>

<p>She is the MoH and you are the photographer: both very important roles but, in the end, it is the bride's day. So, see if you can be together in the same room and, possibly, even friendly. If there is still bad blood and you think that you won't be able to perform your service to the level you expect, then it's time to tell the bride. Before you do, line up a potential replacement for yourself so that, if the bride decides to find another photographer, you can still be of assistance by suggesting someone.</p>

<p>Tough position but you need to take the high road. :-)</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>Just be nice and act like nothing happened. The past is just that. Being anything but friendly would be unprofessional as well.</p>

<p>ditto. Take the high road.<br>

My personal opinion is to pretend nothing happened. She's a stranger.<br>

(and make her BURN because you've moved on ;-) )</p>

<p>Well I am totally over it but the fact that she had me banned proved that she isn't over it. So I have no problem being as sweet as pie to her, but what if she sees me and flips out? That's more what I'm worried about. Also, this is my first wedding and I am stressed enough. Now I have to deal with this too :(</p>

<p>Also, and I am sure this is obvious, but I'll say it anyway. Do NOT give an ultimatum to the bride (or groom or...).</p>

<p>The MoH has a special connection with the bride (or else she wouldn't be the MoH). You, on the other hand, are presumably "just" the photographer. :-)</p>

<p>Ultimatum? lol<br>

I would never omg</p>

<p>No offense, I was pretty sure you wouldn't. If you were the kind of person that would, there is no way you would be asking about how to handle the situation. :-)</p>

<p>That was more for others who might read this later on.</p>

<p>has anyone else run into a situation similar at a wedding they photographed?</p>

<p><joke><br>

Make her look ugly but sharp in all the pics. B and G will be happy at the sharp high quality pics :-)<br>

</joke></p>

<p>she may be MoH. fortunately she is not in the wedding family.</p>

<p>past happenings can affect both weddings and funeras when personal feelings should be set aside for the sake of the bride and grrom.<br>

a friend was not permitted to attend the wedding of his only son<br>

the ex-wife had dilligently worked to poison the children';s attitues towards their dad<br>

a friend father in law did not attenbd his daughter's wedding as he opbjected her marrying a "foeeigner"<br>

later he turned out tho be the best liked and best provider of all the sons-in-law.<br>

and has been a good husband.</p>

<p>Our pastor told us this happens at funeras, too.<br>

in these cases for the sake of remebering one who has passed away.<br>

we were told to prep fotr a funeral dinner and 8 hours later told there was NO Dinned because<br>

the family all got mad and squabbled.<br>

so stuff happens,<br>

if the "little kniives" come out let her do her thing and be professional and yourself.<br>

by not "hearing" this, she will be the one that looks bad.</p>

<p>I am not a professional photographer but I have been a corporate executive for more decades than I care to remember. These situations happen all of the time in Corporate America and everywere else.</p>

<p>Be the professional at all moments. If the MoH fails too, she will only make herself look ugly. </p>

<p>If the MoH gets ugly, others will think badly of it and you can maybe just snikker a bit under your breath.</p>

<p>Just do the right thing, shoot like a pro and enjoy doing so!</p>

<p>Please let us all know how this play out.</p>

<p> </p>

<p>Humble yourself - don't let rejection talk to you...... what I mean is why even entertain the thought of why should you do the job? The bride hired you not the MoH, bottom line do the job with intergrity and move on?</p>

<p>Good Luck!</p>

<p>It is terrible running into someone who's vindictively sabotaged your life. The very best thing you can do is hold your head high, pretend that person is nothing important, and keep doing what you do. The minute you let it get to you, in front of them, they have "won". Someone I know says that the best revenge is living well.</p>

<p>This being your first wedding, and knowing this old stinker is going to be there in a prominent position, I would do all I could to build up my confidence for the event. Practice like crazy so you will be pretty much over-prepared. Go to the site and photograph in the venue at the same times of day as the bride will be photographed. Bring a couple friends and practice some poses while one friend is standing in for the MOH. That way, when the time comes and you have to pose MOH, you'll have done it already. Choose your outfit for the day and fix yourself up so you feel great about how professional you look for the gig. All of these actions will give you extra confidence when the day comes, and it'll be over before you know it!</p>

<p>How did you find out about this? That might shed some light on the story...-Aimee</p>

<p>I like Nish's response. It's kind of like being nasty to the waiter who is in charge of my food. Sometimes, the ordinary folks have the most power. I would be torn between making her look really bad or making her look really good. Each choice has some interesting scenarios. In reality, I probably would let it go. You've got a job to do. Focus on the task and check the ego at the door.</p>

<p>Doubt she even remembers you... shoot the thing and get paid:)</p>

<p>Shoot the job and pretend the bit...er...the MoH doesn't exist. Look through her, past her, whatever. Concentrate on the rest of the bridal party.</p>

<p>Avoidance and fear gives the other person power.</p>

<p>You're in charge of an important element of the wedding ... do your job and be a professional. Know your timeline and do your job.</p>

<p>Heck, walk right up to her when you first see her and smile and extend your hand and shake it. Doesn't even matter a bit what her reaction is at the time and you should consider her reaction to be "none of your business". Your "business" is photography and get on with it!</p>

<p>If you slouch your shoulders and regress into the secret world of doubt and power games then just shake your head and snap out of it! Just snap out of it and do your job and smile and be the better person. Keep it simple: be the better person and be a professional.</p>

<p>Take the shot everytime she blinks or has her mouth open.</p>

<p>If this is your first wedding, you have alot to worry about and if you let the MOH shake you, you will fail. You will give her a second chance to fire you. If you think for one minute she is going to be nice or forgive you, you have another thing coming. As soon as she is aware that you are the photographer, she will try to poison you to the bride. What I would do is be very professional and hopefully you are will prepared for this wedding. Make sure you do your checks and double checks to insure that you have everything you need. Make sure you have back up equipment. If I was you in this situation, I would hire a second shooter. This way, if the MOH gets to you and you stress out, at least you will have another photographer who is not emotionally attached, to capture some of the event. Personally, I would not try to make up with your former boss. I would just stay focused and that this opportunity to shine. Once the photos come back to the bride and she is very happy, you will have your redemption. </p>

<p>Wow, there's some jumping to conclusions, with substantial issues unknown or undiscussed.</p>

<p>On the most basic level, you have given us no info on <strong><em>why</em></strong> the MoH fired you and had you banned from the company. Is she crazy and/or malicious? Or did she over-react, but you in fact did something wrong? Or did she have good cause to fire you and get you banned? That would give us some insite into how she is likely to act, and how you might respond.</p>

<p>What are you afraid of? That the MoH is going to sour your business relationship with the bride? If the bride has not already raised this issue with you, then in all likelihood, on the wedding day it will be too late for the bride to get someone else, and if you do a good job, she will have no cause for complaint. That the MoH is going to see you and charge, with her arms outstretched, to grab you by the neck and squeeze? Pretty unlikely, I'd guess.</p>

<p>I'd advise being cordial and professional toward the MoH. Don't pretend you don't know her, but don't bring it up either, and certainly don't fake friendliness. She probably has no desire to reopen old wounds on her friend's wedding day. Do your job and don't give her any cause to think or say that you, as the photographer, were unprofessional or unfriendly. If by some chance the MoH brings it up, which I doubt, then apologize for any fault of yours that may have contributed to the situation six years ago, and leave it at that.</p>

<p><em>[T]he fact that she had me banned proved that she isn't over it.</em></p>

<p>Presumably she "banned" you at the time, six years ago? If so, that's no basis to know whether she's over it. If she banned you from the company a long time ago, she may have forgotten you, or may not really care.</p>

<p><em>It is terrible running into someone who's vindictively sabotaged your life.</em></p>

<p>Whoa! There is no evidence to support that. It may be that Beatrice will admit that she made a major mistake and that the MoH was more-or-less justified. In that case, the MoH's actions would have been at least somewhat appropriate, instead of vindictive. If so, the in all likelihood she will behave appropriately at the wedding, more-or-less ignoring the past unpleasantness.</p>

<p>Last but not least, you've told us this is your first wedding, and that you've got jitters. Have you been honest and up-front with the bride about your experience, or lack thereof? Have you been an assistant-photographer at other weddings? If yes and yes, then you have much less to worry about, because you have (a) done the right thing (been honest and ethical) and (b) prepared yourself as well as reasonably possible (gotten the relevant practice). I'm assuming that you've done these things, so take a deep breath and relax a little. (If by some chance you have not done these things, then you'd be someone I'd ban from my firm--a lack of honesty / candor is a very serious flaw in any business or profession, or indeed in any aspect of life.)</p>

<p>"If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."</p>

<p>Do such a great job that you make her jealous that she fired you years ago . . .</p>

<p>Hi Beatrice<br>

Dont over do the the act or you will be seen through. On occasions I have been in similar situations. The key is to protect and ENHANCE your reputation - your good behaviour and self respect will be your protection.<br>

At the end of the day you want people to say " the photographer was great".</p>

<p>Yes, I agree with the others that said just be very nice and professional and pretend nothing happened. If she sees you and flips out, that is between her and the bride, because she wouldn't be acting as a nice friend to her by ruining her wedding day.<br>

Just recently, I did a friend's wedding and her MOH was her sister. I dated her sister's husband YEARS ago, and so over it... I had a feeling the MOH hasn't liked me for a long time. I was super sweet to her and her husband and everything went great. Now, of course, she's telling people she hates me. But at the wedding, for her sister, she acted fine. (She dislikes me so much that she didn't attend her sister's bridal shower because I threw it.) So everything will turn out fine for you. Us women... Can't we be more like men? Here's a beer, I'm over it.</p>