Umm Awkward!!!

Discussion in 'Wedding and Event' started by bea_trice, May 1, 2009.

  1. So I'm doing my first wedding next month and just found out that the maid of honor is....
    ...My old boss who had me fired and not only that- banned from the company 6 years ago. Holy cow what should I do?
     
  2. Does the MoH know that you're the photographer?
    Personally, I would say nothing ot the bride: a month before the wedding, she has enough to worry about. If you can, contact the MoH and see if you two can get together for a cup of coffee and chat. Remember that whatever happened, happened 6 years ago and you've both grown.
    She is the MoH and you are the photographer: both very important roles but, in the end, it is the bride's day. So, see if you can be together in the same room and, possibly, even friendly. If there is still bad blood and you think that you won't be able to perform your service to the level you expect, then it's time to tell the bride. Before you do, line up a potential replacement for yourself so that, if the bride decides to find another photographer, you can still be of assistance by suggesting someone.
    Tough position but you need to take the high road. :)
    Good luck.
     
  3. Just be nice and act like nothing happened. The past is just that. Being anything but friendly would be unprofessional as well.
     
  4. ditto. Take the high road.
    My personal opinion is to pretend nothing happened. She's a stranger.
    (and make her BURN because you've moved on ;-) )
     
  5. Well I am totally over it but the fact that she had me banned proved that she isn't over it. So I have no problem being as sweet as pie to her, but what if she sees me and flips out? That's more what I'm worried about. Also, this is my first wedding and I am stressed enough. Now I have to deal with this too :(
     
  6. Also, and I am sure this is obvious, but I'll say it anyway. Do NOT give an ultimatum to the bride (or groom or...).
    The MoH has a special connection with the bride (or else she wouldn't be the MoH). You, on the other hand, are presumably "just" the photographer. :)
     
  7. Ultimatum? lol
    I would never omg
     
  8. No offense, I was pretty sure you wouldn't. If you were the kind of person that would, there is no way you would be asking about how to handle the situation. :)
    That was more for others who might read this later on.
     
  9. has anyone else run into a situation similar at a wedding they photographed?
     
  10. <joke>
    Make her look ugly but sharp in all the pics. B and G will be happy at the sharp high quality pics :)
    </joke>
     
  11. she may be MoH. fortunately she is not in the wedding family.
    past happenings can affect both weddings and funeras when personal feelings should be set aside for the sake of the bride and grrom.
    a friend was not permitted to attend the wedding of his only son
    the ex-wife had dilligently worked to poison the children';s attitues towards their dad
    a friend father in law did not attenbd his daughter's wedding as he opbjected her marrying a "foeeigner"
    later he turned out tho be the best liked and best provider of all the sons-in-law.
    and has been a good husband.
    Our pastor told us this happens at funeras, too.
    in these cases for the sake of remebering one who has passed away.
    we were told to prep fotr a funeral dinner and 8 hours later told there was NO Dinned because
    the family all got mad and squabbled.
    so stuff happens,
    if the "little kniives" come out let her do her thing and be professional and yourself.
    by not "hearing" this, she will be the one that looks bad.
     
  12. I am not a professional photographer but I have been a corporate executive for more decades than I care to remember. These situations happen all of the time in Corporate America and everywere else.
    Be the professional at all moments. If the MoH fails too, she will only make herself look ugly.
    If the MoH gets ugly, others will think badly of it and you can maybe just snikker a bit under your breath.
    Just do the right thing, shoot like a pro and enjoy doing so!
    Please let us all know how this play out.
     
  13. Humble yourself - don't let rejection talk to you...... what I mean is why even entertain the thought of why should you do the job? The bride hired you not the MoH, bottom line do the job with intergrity and move on?
    Good Luck!
     
  14. It is terrible running into someone who's vindictively sabotaged your life. The very best thing you can do is hold your head high, pretend that person is nothing important, and keep doing what you do. The minute you let it get to you, in front of them, they have "won". Someone I know says that the best revenge is living well.
    This being your first wedding, and knowing this old stinker is going to be there in a prominent position, I would do all I could to build up my confidence for the event. Practice like crazy so you will be pretty much over-prepared. Go to the site and photograph in the venue at the same times of day as the bride will be photographed. Bring a couple friends and practice some poses while one friend is standing in for the MOH. That way, when the time comes and you have to pose MOH, you'll have done it already. Choose your outfit for the day and fix yourself up so you feel great about how professional you look for the gig. All of these actions will give you extra confidence when the day comes, and it'll be over before you know it!
     
  15. How did you find out about this? That might shed some light on the story...-Aimee
     
  16. I like Nish's response. It's kind of like being nasty to the waiter who is in charge of my food. Sometimes, the ordinary folks have the most power. I would be torn between making her look really bad or making her look really good. Each choice has some interesting scenarios. In reality, I probably would let it go. You've got a job to do. Focus on the task and check the ego at the door.
     
  17. Doubt she even remembers you... shoot the thing and get paid:)
     
  18. Shoot the job and pretend the bit...er...the MoH doesn't exist. Look through her, past her, whatever. Concentrate on the rest of the bridal party.
     
  19. Avoidance and fear gives the other person power.
    You're in charge of an important element of the wedding ... do your job and be a professional. Know your timeline and do your job.
    Heck, walk right up to her when you first see her and smile and extend your hand and shake it. Doesn't even matter a bit what her reaction is at the time and you should consider her reaction to be "none of your business". Your "business" is photography and get on with it!
    If you slouch your shoulders and regress into the secret world of doubt and power games then just shake your head and snap out of it! Just snap out of it and do your job and smile and be the better person. Keep it simple: be the better person and be a professional.
     
  20. Take the shot everytime she blinks or has her mouth open.
     
  21. If this is your first wedding, you have alot to worry about and if you let the MOH shake you, you will fail. You will give her a second chance to fire you. If you think for one minute she is going to be nice or forgive you, you have another thing coming. As soon as she is aware that you are the photographer, she will try to poison you to the bride. What I would do is be very professional and hopefully you are will prepared for this wedding. Make sure you do your checks and double checks to insure that you have everything you need. Make sure you have back up equipment. If I was you in this situation, I would hire a second shooter. This way, if the MOH gets to you and you stress out, at least you will have another photographer who is not emotionally attached, to capture some of the event. Personally, I would not try to make up with your former boss. I would just stay focused and that this opportunity to shine. Once the photos come back to the bride and she is very happy, you will have your redemption.
     
  22. Wow, there's some jumping to conclusions, with substantial issues unknown or undiscussed.
    On the most basic level, you have given us no info on why the MoH fired you and had you banned from the company. Is she crazy and/or malicious? Or did she over-react, but you in fact did something wrong? Or did she have good cause to fire you and get you banned? That would give us some insite into how she is likely to act, and how you might respond.
    What are you afraid of? That the MoH is going to sour your business relationship with the bride? If the bride has not already raised this issue with you, then in all likelihood, on the wedding day it will be too late for the bride to get someone else, and if you do a good job, she will have no cause for complaint. That the MoH is going to see you and charge, with her arms outstretched, to grab you by the neck and squeeze? Pretty unlikely, I'd guess.
    I'd advise being cordial and professional toward the MoH. Don't pretend you don't know her, but don't bring it up either, and certainly don't fake friendliness. She probably has no desire to reopen old wounds on her friend's wedding day. Do your job and don't give her any cause to think or say that you, as the photographer, were unprofessional or unfriendly. If by some chance the MoH brings it up, which I doubt, then apologize for any fault of yours that may have contributed to the situation six years ago, and leave it at that.
    [T]he fact that she had me banned proved that she isn't over it.
    Presumably she "banned" you at the time, six years ago? If so, that's no basis to know whether she's over it. If she banned you from the company a long time ago, she may have forgotten you, or may not really care.
    It is terrible running into someone who's vindictively sabotaged your life.
    Whoa! There is no evidence to support that. It may be that Beatrice will admit that she made a major mistake and that the MoH was more-or-less justified. In that case, the MoH's actions would have been at least somewhat appropriate, instead of vindictive. If so, the in all likelihood she will behave appropriately at the wedding, more-or-less ignoring the past unpleasantness.
    Last but not least, you've told us this is your first wedding, and that you've got jitters. Have you been honest and up-front with the bride about your experience, or lack thereof? Have you been an assistant-photographer at other weddings? If yes and yes, then you have much less to worry about, because you have (a) done the right thing (been honest and ethical) and (b) prepared yourself as well as reasonably possible (gotten the relevant practice). I'm assuming that you've done these things, so take a deep breath and relax a little. (If by some chance you have not done these things, then you'd be someone I'd ban from my firm--a lack of honesty / candor is a very serious flaw in any business or profession, or indeed in any aspect of life.)
     
  23. "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
    Do such a great job that you make her jealous that she fired you years ago . . .
     
  24. Hi Beatrice
    Dont over do the the act or you will be seen through. On occasions I have been in similar situations. The key is to protect and ENHANCE your reputation - your good behaviour and self respect will be your protection.
    At the end of the day you want people to say " the photographer was great".
     
  25. Yes, I agree with the others that said just be very nice and professional and pretend nothing happened. If she sees you and flips out, that is between her and the bride, because she wouldn't be acting as a nice friend to her by ruining her wedding day.
    Just recently, I did a friend's wedding and her MOH was her sister. I dated her sister's husband YEARS ago, and so over it... I had a feeling the MOH hasn't liked me for a long time. I was super sweet to her and her husband and everything went great. Now, of course, she's telling people she hates me. But at the wedding, for her sister, she acted fine. (She dislikes me so much that she didn't attend her sister's bridal shower because I threw it.) So everything will turn out fine for you. Us women... Can't we be more like men? Here's a beer, I'm over it.
     
  26. Entertain us if you please, about the prior circumstances with the maid of honor. Everybody enjoys a good story with some conflict =]
     
  27. Whatever happened in the past, stays in the past. You're job is to shoot the wedding! If MOH has a chip on her shoulders, she'll only ruin the day for her "best friend".
    As for you, do the job you were hired to do and have a great time doing it!
     
  28. Hi Beatrice,
    Just go for it. At the end of the assignment, you will feel great and confident as it was your first wedding AND you overcame this obstacle.
    Your job is to do good photography for one day, not work a long time for your ex-boss. If you make excuses and decline the job, it will undermine your confidence. I am sure you can and will do a good job.
    Post us some pics afterwards, especially of the MOH. If she grits her teeth at you, it will make the photo more memorable than it should be. If she has a lovely smile as she faces the camera (i.e. you), it means you are a wonderful photographer : )
     
  29. I would say nothing to the bride. Make sure you do a good job so there are no grounds for complaints. During the even ensure you remain utterly professional and don't be tempted to have a dig at the MOH at all. Smile and be nice.
    It amuses me... but what did you do to get fired in that job. Being fired is a serious matter and although I think employment laws are probably quite lax in the US in terms of the employees rights, you must have done something quite wrong to get fired otherwise it would be illegal and you could have taken them to a tribunal. Of course you don't have to confess, but we should also take note that it could well be you that was in the wrong and she was protecting the interests of the company from a dodgy employee who broke the rules. There is always more than one side to a story. So the onus is on you as well as he to be civil.
     
  30. take a photo of her in an uncompromising position....picking her nose for an example.
     
  31. There are some very childish responses to this post. Shows up the amatuers.
     
  32. Does not matter who the MOH is.
    If she notices you ....just say hello and just work naturally.Be 100% professional, do the best you can.Nothing more, nothing less.
     
  33. Be nice to her face but do everything possible to catch her bad side. Use a wide angle lens for a facial close-up. Don't touch up blemishes but add some. Look for her awkward and potentially embarrasing moments and be ready to fire. (picking of nose was suggested above) Play with the smudge tool in PS. Post those shots on every photo website you can find. Send a few prints to the company you were fired from. Don't get mad. Get even. LOL
     
  34. Resist doing the negative actions described by others .
    It will create nothing but bad results.
     
  35. Bea.... Be the lady that your questions and responses show you to be. As an aspiring pro photographer, you don't have time for nonsense nor the experience to miss a good shot while watching this harpie. Shoot the scenes and be surprised when she shows up in a frame, ignore her to that level.
    :)... All that said, I've never been to a wedding where I haven't had to intentionally ignore capturing one of those leaning just a little too far over "two-fisted pull up" strapless dresses!
    Good Luck.... Mike
     
  36. Just make sure your contract is in order and then go about your business in a professional way as normal. She's going to be the in the awkward position, not you. Don't worry about it.
     
  37. I am with Paul. How do you get banned from a company? Was the company related to photography?
     
  38. why bother to meet a boss who hated and fired you before.
    think about this is you first wedding, you are not experiened, not cold-heart, motionless professional, you could drop your camera, flash, and so on, she may fire you again at the wedding, you give her another chance to show that she is the boss. come on just quit.
     
  39. why bother to meet a boss who hated and fired you before.
    think about this is you first wedding, you are not experiened, not professional, you could drop your camera, flash, and so on, she may fire you again at the wedding, you give her another chance to show that she is the boss. come on just quit.
     
  40. BTW most of the childish, negative comments like mine were posted in fun and were not meant to be taken seriously. Of course you're supose to be a professional and get your work done as expected. Lighten up folks
     
  41. i like micheal's approach...maybe you can add a few pounds to her in photoshop...
     
  42. Well the reason she fired me is because I was an immature 17 year old. It wasn't one big thing that happened, but a number of little things. I basically worked there for 3 years (it was just a summer job by the way), and I was upset because rumor had it that she had slept with the boss to get her position as a supervisor. She was only 18. So it got me upset that we started at the same level and she became a supervisor so quickly. I did give her a lot of attitude because of it, which was wrong.
    I still do not know if the rumor was true and I do not care. If anything, I would try to make her look as amazing as possible to show her that I have grown up and am not the same person.
    My concern is not how I will act(as I should have stated in the first post). I'm more concerned with her making a scene to be honest. Because she seems like the type of person that would do something like that. And I think I'm more nervous about how she will react when she sees me at the brides house. I just don't know why this had to happen at my first wedding. I have assisted before many times but never done one by myself.
     
  43. What should you do? There's only one thing you can do, Bea. And that is to shoot the wedding in a professional manner - extending the same politeness to the MoH as you would to every other member of the wedding party. You were fired as a silly immature 17 year old but you are not like that now. I doubt she is either. If she were to make a scene, imagine how she would look to the Bride and the rest of the guests. I'm sure you'll do fine, and at the end of the day you will have the satisfaction of a difficult job done well, and that will be a real confidence booster.
     
  44. Not sure if you're being paid or not? Is this wedding a big deal i.e. is it a large, expensive, fancy affair or is it a smaller wedding that you are doing for free?
    Option : call the bride and tell her the story and allow her to make the decision. Let her know that you've matured and your thought is to be completely up front with her (the bride) and allow her to make the decision. Let her know that the last thing you want to do is create any kind a angst at the wedding and you'd "much rather miss the fantastic opportunity than create tension in any way at all." You are showing sensitivity to the bride more than your concern about the MoH.
    The idea with this is approach is to be magnanimous and allow the bride to rule you in or out . This way you've fully disclosed and you're being seen as a person who would rather lose a job than to be any part of creating any scene on her wedding day. Important: say this all in a as few words as possible then Shut Up and listen: let her talk and think and make the decision. Do not be overly productive in your words; just disclose and shut up, lol.
    If she decides to go without your services then return any money. I would hope you have a referral list so that you can offer an alternative photographer for her wedding day. A lot of this will depend on whether she is paying you.
    Just be honest and let the chips fall where they fall ... I think it would show a great deal of maturity to be up front with the bride and allow her to rule you in or rule you out. If the bride rules you in then any fuss caused by the MoH will be fully on the MoH.
    Just a thought in passing. Maybe others can tweak this idea so it fits for you.
     
  45. Everything that was said above by William plus if you go ahead with the job you just need to do the best job that you can. You said yourself that you gave her attitude and she fired you for it in the end, that should be the end of the story. If she starts to be difficult take her aside and apologize to her for how you behaved towards her when she was your supervisor and explain how this is the brides day and how it would be silly to let something that happend 6 years ago spoil the day.
     
  46. I'm more concerned with her making a scene to be honest. Because she seems like the type of person that would do something like that
    Its OK to wonder about something like this but you really shouldn't fret. You're going in as a professional. Just act that way. Just be freindly. If you can't handle awkward moments you should consider doing something else but in since you 'all growed up' now, you'll do fine.
    Maybe others can tweak this idea

    I would just reject it outright. There's no need to surrender your job to anybody. The bride will just call the person and they'll tell some tale of woe and THEN the situation will be MADE awkward when it wasn't really so in the first place. The mature thing to do is just conduct yourself in a freindly professional manner and not wind yourself and others up over social issues. Everythings going to be fine and you can hold your head high. You'll shine and that will help make the bride and all the others shine in your photos.
     
  47. I agree with William. Lay your cards on the table. Tell the bride that this past incident will not affect your professionalism and let her decide. That way if the MoH bad mouths you in any way the bride will know the deal going in. There is no doubt that the MoH and the bride are tight so don't relate the story to the bride. Just mention that there had been some bad blood when you were a teenager and you wanted to be upfront about it.
    Be prepared with a replacement that will give the same monitary deal and service YOU would stand by and let the chips fall where they may.
    And I KNOW you have your insurance already or are going to purchase it on Monday.....right?
     
  48. I should probably purchase insurance on Monday lol. Where do I get it? How much is it?
     
  49. I don't think I should call and tell her because it will just make everything more awkward. There's no way she will find a new photographer in 1 week. And I really want to shoot her wedding despite the MOH because I've put a buttload of work into it already. :/
     
  50. Howdy Bea!
    I am very impressed with the level of dignity that you have shown in revealing the root cause of your conflict, and your willingness to move past it. Kudos!
    I would not say anything to the bride. You booked this wedding, you deserve it.
    I would like to offer one thought that has not yet been mentioned. You have obviously matured greatly in the last six years. Perhaps your ex-boss has also matured, and is not the same 18-year-old that fired you so long ago. Perhaps you should give her the benefit of the doubt. She might be perfectly well behaved, and even if she isn't, it will be on her head, not yours.
    Later,
    Paulsky
     
  51. Howdy!
    Almost forgot. By all means purchase insurance. If you advertise with wedj.com, they give great discounts on equipment and liability insurance.
    Later,
    Paulsky
     
  52. You should get even using Photoshop. If you can take an overweight women and make her skinny, you should be able to do the opposite. LOL!
     
  53. Howdy!
    Let's be perfectly clear about one thing: do not sabotage this persons photos or try to catch her in embarrassing moments, no matter what our gleefully vengeful compatriots suggest (mostly in jest). That will get you into serious hot water, and ruin your reputation.
    It actually might be tempting for you to overcompensate by shooting more pictures of this person than others in order to win favor. Don't do that either. Just capture the standard MoH images that you would ordinarilly do, and don't show this person any undue attention, either positive or negative.
    Later,
    Paulsky
     
  54. A mature adult would merely speak to the bride instead of putting their own ego and zeal for opportunity and financial reward ahead of a fully informed bride.
    This could truely backfire big time if the bride finds out from the MoH that you withheld a tidbit of information from her that could effect the mood and the energy of the bridal party at the last moment.
    Please report back to the thread after the wedding to let us know what happened so all can learn. I'll be quiet now. Best of Luck in your decision but it appears you've already decided to take the risk.
     
  55. Bea Trice,
    many congratulations with your first assignment as official wedding photographer.
    Make a beautiful wedding series and things will be allright.
    Prepare yourself very well to the assignment and concentrate on your job.
    I am curious if we can see 1 picture when you are finished ......
    Best greetings
     
  56. Howdy!
    I respectfully disagree with William Morgan. A mature, responsible, and confident adult would not worry overmuch if somebody might be offended by their mere presence in a professional capacity.
    The statute of limitations on most crimes in the United States is five years. It's been six. If the MoH has not moved on, then it's entirely her problem, and quite frankly, any conflict, past or present, between Bea and the MoH is none of the bride's business.
    I grew up in a the relatively small city of Boise, where I shot most of my weddings. I've met a lot of people I knew at weddings, most who I liked, but a few who I did not like, and did not like me. It never stopped me from doing my job, and I never let fear of running into a disagreeable person from my past prevent me from booking a wedding or following through on a contract.
    Bea, you have been hired to provide a valuable service, and I have every confidence that you will come through with flying colors. Just do your job, and all will be well.
    Later,
    Paulsky
     
  57. In my job we sometimes have VIP type "clients". I've learned to treat them the same as you would any other client. (give them the same excellent service you would anyone else) When you overcompensate one way or the other, things seem to go wrong.
     
  58. Just another point of view to consider.
    The MOH may well know that you are shooting the wedding. I would assume she is a close friend of the bride so she may have some idea who the photgrapher is. The MOH may also prefer that you don't say anything to the bride about what has happend in the past she may agree that what happend at a old workplace 6 years ago is not anyone else's business.
     
  59. Thomas Hardy hits the nail.
    Bea, pull yourself together. If such an insignificant thing makes you flip, how will you manage a real disaster? Just do your thing.
     
  60. Oh, do get a compromising picture of her flirting with the groom and post it up here for our enjoyment!
     
  61. Howdy!
    Regarding Stuart Moxham's last post: Oftentimes the MoH is involved in planning the wedding. It's a longshot, but maybe you were selected because the MoH wants to let bygones be bygones, and is trying to send some business your way.
    In that case, talking to the bride would just screw things up even worse.
    Later,
    Paulsky
     
  62. Be nice be professional and not a hint of animosity. Kill her with kind politelness.
     
  63. instead of putting their own ego and zeal for opportunity
    That's a low shot. Bea has shown no such traits whatsoever.
    it will just make everything more awkward. There's no way she will find a new photographer in 1 week.

    Exactly. It could create unnecessary worry, doubt and potential chaos all week long as the wedding nears. If you are told there is risk involved in not bringing the issue up, try dumping all this on the bride one week out. There's risk either way. If something does comes up at the time, a little confidence, tact and humor can turn it around. You sound more confident now. It going to be alright.
     
  64. In any profession you're going to have unpleasant people.
    Some of these you've met in a past life!
    Ignore the obvious (to you), do the wedding;
    it will make you the stronger person.
    If the MofH makes a fuss, it's her problem, not yours
    She'll be the one rocking the boat
    You'll do just fine!
     
  65. I would make it a point to take at least one excellent photograph of the MoH just to rub it in.
    I would also make it a point to take the evil side of the MoH, just in case...;)
    You'll be too busy focusing on the job to be done that she will just disappear. Just focus on the bride and groom and you'll be okay.
    byegones
     
  66. Your apprehension is quite understandable, but this is a no brainer. The MoH no longer has authority over you, nor the power to intimidate you, unless you GIVE it to her. She is simply another member of the wedding party and should be treated as such - nothing more - nothing less. You will be working for the bride - not her. Leave your inhibitions at home and concentrate on your work. Arrive properly prepared - work systematically - and be yourself. If the MoH chooses to be problematic, DON'T buy into it. That is something for the bride (or a member of her family) to handle - "you" are the photographer. Trust me - this is NOT the last, nor worse, problem you will encounter as a "wedding" photographer. Either convince yourself that you CAN handle this kind of stress until you gain experience, or consider another photographic venue. If you want to be a professional - then BE one! It's really up to you.
     
  67. William Morgan's given you the best and most pro advice on the situation.....I'd suggest that you follow it.
     
  68. 6 years ago ? she may not even remember your name,,,shoot it as she is just another bridesmaid. Act like you do not know her. If she tries to make you remember her, say some smart tail answer like, ohh yeah,, I remember you,,you fired me, best thing you ever did for me,,,
     
  69. William Morgan's given you the best and most pro advice...

    ...assuming you can supply, immediately on request, to quell the potential weeklong chaos, another photographer that will be also immediately be approved by the client in terms of style, cost, personality, talent, ect. ect. Since you tell us "[t]here's no way she will find a new photographer in 1 week", it’s unlikely that is the case. If someone telling you to make this big confession about your past self, at this late hour, can supply the substitute, then you are all set. Otherwise it’s risking a prolonged ordeal or a short one with the odds of problems arising being about the same either way. Either suggestion is as good or bad as the other. If the situation were known months ago, THEN the suggestion to raise the issue with the bride would the best by far.
     
  70. Sorry to make too much of a debate out of this. Good luck Bea. Everybody has good ideas. You can figure out what's best.
     
  71. Howdy!
    Twenty years ago, I was laid off from a small company where I worked as a programmer developing a video hairstyling and makeup program. They decided not to pay me my final check because they were low on funds. When I threatened to bring in the sheriff and start auctioning off their computers, my manager got very angry with me. I finally got my check, but we parted on very hostile terms. I got revenge by hiring away their star programmer, which killed the company.
    I lived in fear of running into my ex-manager for twenty years. This last summer, I ran into him at the airport. He actually initiated a conversation with me, and was very friendly! It seems that he was terminated under equally unpleasant circumstances by the same company, and he was grateful to me for getting the star programmer a job.
    I learned a lesson from this. People can surprise the heck out of you. Just because you think someone might hate you, does not necessarily mean it's true.
    Bea, what happened between you and the MoH is none of the bride's business. Do your job with grace and confidence, and all will be well.
    Later,
    Paulsky
     
  72. Be totally professional. It will go fine.
    Russ
     
  73. I particularly like this:
    If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.
     
  74. William said it best.
    But I have to say this..
    My god, you were 17 and she was 18! and it was 6 years ago. Neither of you are the same person anymore. I don't think there is anyone here that is the same person now as when they were that age. Good or bad.
    She is probably just as scared, embarrassed is probably the better word, about seeing you as you are of her.
    Tell the bride, "When I was 17 blah blah blah" and what William said. Let the bride say yes or no. Do it well BEFORE the wedding day, I would do it in person.
    After the bride says who cares, buy the MoH a beer or glass of wine and laugh about it.
    I say this with complete respect and not as an insult (more like a kick in the behind:) ) You are now a professional and an adult time to stop thinking like a 17 year old.
    Gord
     
  75. Don't even think about sipping any booze.
     
  76. Sorry, yes no drinking at the wedding, I meant to infer that you might run into her before the wedding day and that you chat with her sometime prior.
     
  77. meg

    meg

    Are you positive it is your ex-boss? Or just someone with the same name? When I was newer to photography I once shot a wedding where my ex-boyfriend (didn't end well) was a member of the family, and supposed to be at the wedding. I was so nervous, but in the end, he was on bad terms with the family, and didn't show. Another wedding, I recently photographed, one of the bride's brothers had the same name as the bully in middle school, who tortured me for 2 years of my life. I was really nervous how that one would turn out. In the end, it wasn't even the same person. I was relieved!
     
  78. It is really a bit late now for the bride to be given the choice yes or no. In all honestly speaking to the bride would have been a good idea some months ago but now I wonder if it really would be such a good idea so close to the wedding. Better now for Beatrice to concentrate on the job in hand than worry about something that happened 6 years ago.
     
  79. I'm waiting for Jerry Springer to post on this!
    Bea - This doesn't require a sociology degree to figure out. The obvious answer is that you need to go down the tough road and do the dirty.
    You must talk to the Moh AND the bride. For you to go into this day knowing that you have a time bomb is cowardly and irresponsible.
    For those who think the 'bride has enough to worry about ... I disagree. The bride WILL find out
    about this and if she's as Catty as her Moh then I see the potential for high drama ... at the very
    least, very few smiles.
    WHEN you talk to the Bride and Moh Eat crow (it won't be the last time either, i assure you).
    - Tell them you thought long and hard about how to handle this and that you personally struggled.
    - Tell them you decided it was best that the bride not learn of this on her wedding day.
    - Admit that you were immature back then, but that you are professional now (ie., eat crow).
    - Assure them that you have no desire or intention for drama on the wedding day.
    No matter what happens, no matter how great your shots are, you are not getting referrals here.
    BUT you DO have a professional responsibility to Not knowingly bring a ticking time bomb into the day.
     
  80. And for the 80th different piece of advice.....
    Don't talk to the bride. She has enough stress at this point in the wedding. Even though you'll tell her that everything is cool, she'll still stress about it. So either she'll go into the day with even more stress or she will get stressed trying to find a new photographer. Either way, it's a lose-lose situation for the bride.
    I'd also consider the second shooter. Even if you remain completely calm and unnerved, if you get in a big long discussion with the MoH, you will be missing opportunities to photograph.
     
  81. Howdy!
    One alternative that has not yet been offered is to talk to the MoH without talking to the bride.
    I honestly don't know if that's good advice or not, but it's a middle way between talking to the bride and taking a chance on a confrontation at the wedding.
    At worst, she could protest to the bride, you might lose the gig, but you can keep the deposit (if it's non-refundable). At best, she could agree to let bygones be bygones, and cheerfully let you do the wedding. In the middle, she could be steamed at first, but at least she would have time to get used to the deal, and she would be civil at the wedding.
    Actually, that's not the best thing that could happen. The best thing would be to find out that the MoH is a different person with the same name.
    Tuppence,
    Paulsky
     
  82. I think you are now obligated to tell us how it all turns out - and post a few photos from the wedding too!
     
  83. I once shot second photographer at a wedding where the father of the Groom was a guy I nearly had a fist fight with in my teens. Him AND his brother! Over a stupid incident involving their sister!
    We got along GREAT at the wedding! We both (all, since the brother and sister were there, too!) put it all off to childish stupidity.
    Shoot the job as a professional. You may just find that the two of you aren't so agressive toward each other as you may think. If you feel like she's still getting to you, you have the problem, not her. If she has a problem, then you will just come out looking the better for it by dismissing it. It's time to grow up!
    Do the job. The MOH is in very little of the required photos anyway! A few seconds of discomfort can be tolerated by anyone. Concentrate on doing the best photographs you can. That takes enough of your concentration without getting personal grudges in the way.
    Like I said, I've been there. It is really not a thing to worry about.
    I think you get the point. :)
     

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