The groom that talks

<p>I had an experience with this at one of the first weddings I photographed, where while I was taking pictures, the couple were constantly talking to eachother and making weird open mouth expressions. But at an engagement shoot I recently did, it was the worst I have ever experienced. The future groom talked through the entire thing even when I said "please look at me and smile", then he would close his eyes and just start talking and making weird faces saying "I'm awkward".<br>

Finally, after about 1/4 of the way through I took a picture and showed it to him and said in the nicest way possible- "This is the expression you are making in the majority of the photos". Then he got sort of offended like "I guess I don't have a good smile then". So it was a little awkward after that. But now I'm a bit nervous about doing their wedding because after looking at the engagement pictures, even after I told him about it- only 20% are usable to my standards. I don't want to post a picture bc this is a searchable site, but would you take the wedding now or give the deposit back? How do you stop someone from talking or someone who seems like they're not even present and they're somewhere else. Thank you!!!</p>

<p><em>he would close his eyes and just start talking and making weird faces saying "I'm awkward".<br /></em><br>

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<p>So there's a use for DSLR onboard video afterall. Camouflaged evidence gathering for when the photographer is blamed later on for producing poor results. The stills tell a pretty good story in this instance however. If others can teach you how to handle people with these kind of issues then great. If not, and the contract terms permit you to back out and there is time for a new photographer to be hired, I would do it for many reasons. This might incidentally inspire the bride to take the same route while she still can. </p>

<p>If you decide to take the wedding, be sure you have in writing, your concerns and have the bride/mother/father be sure this is a potential problem and that you can only do so much. <br>

Even just the threat of walking away might make them realize this is serious.</p>

<p>I suspect that you've connected with the bride but not the groom. The trick is to get him on the same page with you........... At this point I would suggest that you send the couple an email which questions whether or not you are the "right fit" as a photographer for this couple based on your fears that you might disappoint them with the quality of the portraits. Offer them a refund and wish them luck finding the "right" photographer.</p>

<p>Building a working rapport with the bride, groom, MOGs, MOBs, the wedding party etc... does not come from a working knowledge of exposures, lighting, posing, etc.... which is a significant component of wedding photography that is often overlooked/discounted.</p>

<p>Well I actually did meet the groom prior to that and he acted a bit weird in the meeting saying "I'm so awkward", "Sorry I'm just stupid". And I just reassured him he's fine and I tried to find something in common with him so that we could at least connect on something.<br>

How could I approach e-mailing her regarding the images?</p>

<p>I respectfully disagree with David Schilling. I think if you did that, you would throw cold water on a relationship which is at best, tenuous now. Then, if you do have to photograph the wedding, you will be on even worse ground than before.</p>

<p>It sounds like the groom has self confidence issues when it comes to being photographed. Being that I tend to always rely on honesty, I would schedule a sit down chat with the couple and bring the issue up very delicately but honestly. The constant talking is a result of nervousness, usually. The key is getting him used to you and your camera, so if that means talking about it first, and then having another session, that's what I'd do.</p>

<p>Backing out now, IMHO, would not be an honorable thing to do without further trying to get to a comfort zone between you and the groom/couple.</p>

<p>Tempered with being tactful,.....just be open and honest and let the images speak for themselves. It's possible that you're being more critical of the images than they will be. You may also find that they aren't all that concerned about the "mom shot portraits" where they are both looking at the camera.</p>

<p>BTW, on my last engagement shoot I asked the groom to just talk while I took the shots since he was generally kind of stiff with his smile and sense of camera awareness. Good luck.</p>

<p>Edited add on: Appears that Nadine and I were typing at the same time. I don't understand the disagreement. I did not say pull out of the contract and not shoot the wedding. I suggested an open/honest discussion about the "fit" between you and them. It's possible that the groom is just self-conscous.......I don't know. It's also possible that the groom is not on the same page and is actively sabotaging your photographic efforts. If there is a "power game" between you and the groom then you're bound to lose. Based on the information supplied there is no way to know exactly what is happening. Hence the need for the super radical approach of an open/honest discussion.</p>

<p>You might give this a try.</p>

<p>First use as little flash as possible, put the camera on a tripod. Attached a remote cord. Shoot as wide as you can so you do not have to look thru the view finder (but once to set up the series of photos).<br>

Do not look thru the view finder when shooting, use the remote cord and talk to the both of them taking photos as all times.</p>

<p>David--my concern was that any hint of the possibility of pulling out of the contract (mentioning the 'fit', put that way) would throw cold water on an already shaky relationship. Otherwise, your suggestion to talk is exactly what I'd suggest. When I suggest having a meeting, I would not couch the suggestion as a 'fitting' session :^), because that would open the door in their minds, to the possibility of the photographer wanting out. I would just say, "Let's work this out so that we can have the best outcome on the wedding day."</p>

<p>Sounds to me like a self-confidence issue. Nervous behaviour.</p>

<p>Maybe he just needs more practice in front of the camera? Maybe he needs a couple of stiff drinks? Not sure how to fix the problem, maybe Bride has some ideas.</p>

<p>I can't help but think that this behaviour could really backfire on him during the ceremony/speeches, if something awkward and unintended came spilling out.</p>

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<p>If there's plenty of time for them to find another photographer then, imo, heavy consideration to returning the deposit with best wishes and tell them the truth: you'd be horrified if their wedding photos came out less than pleasing and you're worried that you are unable to find the right "connection" with them. Take the blame because it IS your problem and I think you're admitting just that.</p>

<p>I say the above because it's easy to sense that you want out ... donate the engagement photos you've taken to this point and wish them the best. </p>

<p>Some times it's best to just admit when "the connection" between the photographer and the couple is not coming together ... the responsible thing is to return their money and donate the finished image files and move forward.</p>

<p>It's very possible that you would shoot the wedding and take great photographs yet I sense you'd prefer not to risk it just because you want or need the money: that's honorable to the highest degree imo. Most would just bear with it and collect the money. </p>

<p>If you Know it's not a fit from your point of view then it's wise to return the money IF there's time for them to find a quality photographer. Not a popular stance here on the forum yet it may be the right thing to do for the bride and groom so they can find a photographer that "clicks" with them. It's not a bad thing to admit you're not a good fit and return the money! It's a good thing IF it's good for the bride and groom in the final analysis.</p>

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<p>So there's a use for DSLR onboard video afterall. Camouflaged evidence gathering for when the photographer is blamed later on for producing poor results. </p>

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<p>On my gosh, that made me laugh sooooo hard!</p>

<p>To answer the original question... I completely understand, as I had a couple for an engagement session a couple months ago who were very similar to what you are describing. Although the future groom was talkative, and yes, awkward, I still got some amazing shots using him as a kind of frame for his beautiful fiance. I also sat them down in a coffee shop and telephoto'd the heck out of them for some really sexy intimate moments of whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears...</p>

<p>When it really comes down to it, this guy is probably nervous as all hell, and this is part of <em>him</em>. She obviously loves him, even the dorky side, so get it on film. It sounds so silly, but if you're getting nervous and upset, they pick up on your energy so fast! Stay calm, and regardless of what is happening, stay positive. Work on the timing of capturing who these people really are, not just saying, "ok, now turn this way, and... smile!" I promise, they will love you for it!</p>

<p>Thank you everyone for your responses! I really like the couple, they are very sweet and even fun. I guess I'll just show them all of the images from the engagement shoot and see what they say and mostly what their parents say. And maybe then they will be more aware of what's going on.</p>

<p>Missy, please follow-up so we know how everything went!</p>

<p>Definitely follow up...I hate these awkward situation that we all have to face...Good Luck!</p>

<p>It happens every once in a while. There are people where the "look at me and smile" approach doesn't work. Some people are simply uncomfortable being in front of a camera (myself being one of them), they feel self-conscious and need something to do.<br>

Maybe you could sit down with them and find out how they met, what they like doing together (sports is always good) and then build the session around them. Watch them interact, see if you can find a playground where they can goof around, have her on a swing with him pushing it or the other way around, walking their dog, snowshoeing, snowball-fighting (if you're in an area that has snow), whatever it is that makes the groom-to-be forget about you and the camera and focus on his wife-to-be.</p>

 

<p>Using a "bad" shot of the groom probably further exacerbated his fears of looking awkward and feeling stupid. Sorry to be blunt Kay, but I do fear that may be what was accomplished.</p>

<p>I would suggest in future, working the couple till you have one good (by your standards) shot of them, then showing that and complimenting them (him specifically) on how great they are looking.</p>

<p>Once the session is over, encourage them by saying something along the lines of "Well, I think we have the three I wanted" <>.!!</p>

<p>Kay, you have a good eye. Don't worry that your images won't work, they will. If he chooses to act up for the images you pose, so be it. Just do your best and look on this one as a great opportunity to learn how to work with your more challenging couples.</p>

<p>Next time you meet with a couple, pre-qualify them a little more and be ready to say that you don't feel like you're the best fit up front. I would not introduce this now, you're booked. IMO, you should see your commitment through.</p>

<p>Hope you can work it out.</p>

<p>Color me silly but I just have a hard time believing somebody can't contain himself long enough to get his photo taken 4 out of 5 times. All I'm reading are people making excuses for the guy.<br>

You just tell him that you can't work this way. No need to tip-toe around it because it's the truth and you aren't doing anything wrong.</p>

<p><em>Some people are simply uncomfortable being in front of a camera (myself being one of them), they feel self-conscious and need something to do.</em></p>

<p>Someone talking "through the entire thing" and shutting their eyes closed and making weird faces saying "I'm awkward" when asked for a routine pose seems pretty well beyond nervous fidgiting. There's some good suggestions on trying new couple pictures (extra work) but the formals?</p>

<p><em>I would not introduce this now, you're booked. IMO, you should see your commitment through.</em></p>

<p>The concept of keeping commitments tends to diminish when its for a pending train wreck. Assumimg backing out really weren't an option, its time for everyone involved to consider changing tracks and swap out the formals for something else.</p>

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<p>To some extent, Missy has to use her intuition to figure out the best way to 'get' to the guy. Me--I'm almost always honest and direct, but nice, or at least polite, so as I said above, I'd sit down for a chat and have it all out in the open. Work it out with the groom so that he has a method to use for the formals that day, while feeling more comfortable with the photographer just because the chat occurred.</p>

<p>If that meant more practice sessions, I'd do the sessions. I'd do a lot before just giving up, although if it were that obvious the groom was not going to improve (which means he really doesn't want to improve), I would consider a parting of ways, but only if there were ample time before the wedding for the couple to find another photographer and if the couple agreed readily.</p>

<p>""So there's a use for DSLR onboard video afterall. Camouflaged evidence gathering for when the photographer is blamed later on for producing poor results.""</p>

<p>I read this while at work and people gave me some weird looks after laughing at this one!</p>

<p>Usually I do not try to offer advice on topics such as this since I haven't had a lot of experience however this one hits close to home. My husband is the same way with a camera around and the only thing that works to crack a smile is a lot of humor. For some reason if the me or the family says "Smile!" it doesn't work. We've (family and I) have found the trick is a lot of humor to distract from the camera and well as a lot of interaction to get that smile looking at the camera. I believe he may just be uncomfortable in front of the camera. I know this is not be the best answer compared to those with more experience but I hope it helps provide another angle to decide upon. </p>

<p>Many people are assuming that the groom is camera shy and awkward......maybe, he might be but there are other possibilities, and no one here on the forum knows for sure. RT Jones (posted above) makes a good point about people here making excuses for the guy. The best approach is to simply address the issue honestly and openly, Nadine suggests that it be done "delicately" while I suggested that it be done "tactfully"......either way suggest that you "get 'er done".</p>

<p>It's also likely that the he just doesn't value the portraits of himself, especially the "mom shots" where he has to look at the camera and work up a smile. The day of the wedding will be filled with moments and opportunities where he'll be busy with the business of the vows, cake-cutting, dancing, garter gathering etc... which will provide a plethora of Kodak moments. Be sure to keep all this in perspective.....in the end, it's not about the photography,..... it's about the wedding.</p>