Murphey's Laws Of Photography - How many can there be?

Murphey is alive and well and living inside my camera bag. Here's my

thoughts. Some original. But some stolen. Everybody jump in and add a

few of your own. I'm taking bets on the final count.

 

1. No two meters agree.

 

2. Just when you think you understand your materials, the

manufacturer discontinues or improves it. Making you start the

learning cycle all over again.

 

3. When man makes a sharper lens. G-d will create a fuzzier object.

 

4. You can't make a good image in Fresno.

 

5. f8 @ 1/60 is better than anything you picked.

 

6. A butter knife used to tighten a miniature screw, will cause

$50.00 more damage than the price of the proper jeweler's screwdriver.

 

7. Film is sensitive to thought.

 

8. Fog will roll in 5 minutes before your sunset shot.

 

9. Fog will roll out 5 minutes before your foggy sunrise.

 

10.Important things are always simple.

 

11. The simple things are always hard.

 

12. The filter you want is the filter you left at home.

 

13. New batteries never fail. Old batteries fail only when new back

up batteries are left at home.

 

14. If there's a way - it won't work - for you.

 

15. Traveling with significant other on long car photo trip is a good

idea. Not.

 

16. The weather is always better (poofy clouds) for photographers who

are better than you.

 

17. Fall color in the Northeast is always a week before or a week

after you get there.

 

18. Flashes don't.

 

19. You packed all of your film holders. Too bad the film's in the

box on the kitchen table.

 

NEXT:

When it comes time for critical focus, you find the loupe is back home in the darkroom, not in the camera bag.

Oh yea, the dark slide comes out BEFORE you take the shot not BEFORE you pull the holder.

LOL, Leslie

How could you forget the Dark Slide God? As soon as you are about to or already have pulled the slide the wind kicks up noticably. At least it does with my film holders.

Leslie, don't even go there! I'm lookin forward to teachin another year of photo class, and plenty of dark slide blunders.

 

Never mind the times I screw it up. lol

The dark slide that you pulled out is the outside one and not the

one that is facing the lens inside the camera.

You forget to turn the locks on the darkslide and pick the film back up by the tabs. out comes dark slides

--For nighttime photography: The length of the exposure is directly proportional to the chance of having forgotten your watch.

 

--The chances of the light meter batteries running out are directly proportional to the number of months you will be staying in a remote mountain village with no mail service.

 

--The chances of one of the tripod leg-securing clamps snapping are proportional to the square of the number of miles hiked, times the required height of the tripod for the killer image you just found.

 

--The chances of the lab scratching your film equal the square of the importance of the image.

 

--The chances of scratching/kinking/smudging a print are inversely proportional to the number of pieces of same-sized printing paper left in your supply.

 

~cj

corollary to Leslie's law....you should pull the dark slide facing the lens, not the ground glass.

Did you mean to say Murphy's Law?

<ol>

<li>

In a group photo, there will always be at least one person

with his eyes closed or with an awfully stupid expression.

<li>

If rule 1 is ever untrue, the one shot where everyone looks nice

will be the only one of the session that the photographer

or processor ruined by a technical error.

<li>

The best way to make the phone ring is to start loading

a developing tank.

<li>

If the phone doesn't ring, the dog will start whining and

scratching at the door, indicating that if he doesn't

go outside RIGHT NOW, the carpet will need cleaning.

<li>

The best photo ops happen right after you run out of film.

<li>

Your best shot of a lifetime will turn out to be a quick grab shot

that you weren't really expecting, and a) even though

everyone else likes it, <em>you</em> will forever

be haunted by the way you could have done it better if you

had been prepared, b) any time in the future when you

ARE really well prepared, the magic moment won't happen.

</ol>

The number of items left at home is proportional to the number of miles traveled.

 

The farther you go to find snow that dosen't look like stale cake frosting, the more it actually will look like stale cake frosting.

 

If you pack your camera into the wilderness on a mule, you'll end up with more good shots of the mule than you will of the wilderness.

 

What you just bought on ebay won't be what you think you just bought on ebay.

 

Weegee could take better pictures with a Speed Graphic than I can with a Sinar.

 

You won't discover that you've left the (tripod, loupe, cable release...you name it) at home until you've left your time zone.

 

......Fresno???

The time spent goofing off in forums is directly proportional to the number of mistakes a photographer will make on the next outing.<p>

 

Go make some <strike>mistakes</strike> photos!<p>

 

Graeme

Contrary to the Laws of Physics, and no matter how many times you've done it before, if you want the GG image to move left, the first time you pan the camera will *always* move it right, regardless of the actual pan direction...

The number of times you trip over the tripod or jar the camera before taking the shot is proportional to the time spending focusing, tilting and composing the shot.

How many Murphey's Laws can there be? Almost endless. Remember, he's Catholic, and therefore prevented from practicing safe says.

20. Supply and Demand 1: The greater your demand for an unpopulated landscape or architectural study, the greater the supply of hobos, bums, street people and kids who want to get in the shot.

 

21. Supply and Demand 2: The greater your demand for interesting hobos, bums, street people and kids to populate your shot the lesser the supply.

 

22. Supply and Demand 3: The greater the supply of interesting hobos, bums, street people and kids to populate your shot to greater their demands for spare change.

When you've stopped down the lens and set the time, remember that old Compound shutters need to be switchd from "T" to "M" BEFORE you pull the dark slide.

 

The cable release you brought won't fit your new lens.

 

IR film doesn't like to be left (in holders) in the back seat of a car on a very hot day.

 

You used the leaky holder on the one important shot - you must have trashed a good holder instead...

The chance that a tripod leg or camera bag will be in the picture is inversely proportional to the length of time spent setting up your camera.

<B>The Quick Release Corollary:</B> After you've schlepped your gear five miles, you set up the tripod and grab the camera only to discover that you borrowed the QR plate for a different camera, which is on the kitchen table.

One day, the black side of darkslide exposed, white side unexposed will strike you as absurdly counter-intutative. You will vow to begin doing it "right", convention be damned.

 

You will, therefore, *never* know which film has been exposed, and which has not.

You've calculated filter factor and made your exposure for the filter in the bag, NOT on your lens.

The more time you spend calculating filter factors, the greater the chance you will forget to set it on the lens.

The 'HIGH' slide falls out of your light meter while covering that beach wedding.

 

The female model jumps on the back of the male model for a fun candid.. and they both fall over backwards.

 

You finally get that great shot with your last sheet of film.. then as you insert the darkslide you hear a crunch and realize that the film wasnt seated in the film holder correctly.