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convincing bride and groom to meet before the wedding


danzel_c

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<p>is the tradition that the bride and groom don't see each other until she walks down the isle just a midwest tradition or is this everywhere? in the 4 years or so that i've been shooting i have not been able to convince one couple to meet before the wedding for their shoot. everyone wants to stick to the tradition. do others have this same struggle? or are you even trying to do this? for the ones who are successful, how do you get them to agree to this? it would be nice if we could meet at a park an hour or so before the wedding with no distractions, both bride and groom are fresh and full of energy and excitement, etc.</p>
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<p>I lay out the options. Part of why my couples hire me is so they don't have to stress about the details of photography. I recommend meeting before the wedding to knock out the formals ahead of time, but I don't push it. I'm comfortable with either approach.</p>

 

If they need convincing, I don't think you'll be successful. Only the ones that are open to the idea and have specifically asked for my advice have switched their preliminary plans.

 

 

Eric

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<p>In Missouri...<br>

Actually I've done a few first meetings on video, haven't done one photo yet. Ya, the tradition is pretty entrenched. That's ok though, after the ceremony they aren't so uptight and then they can sweat a little and not worry about make up etc. I don't think there is any benefit in a first meeting. Just my take. Besides the before time has plenty of opp's for fantastic interaction between friends and family. They will see each other the rest of the day..no hurry.</p>

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<p>We almost always do the formals before the ceremony. I explain how much better the results will be and how free we are to do fun and exiting shots. My brides/grooms understand the inportance of stress free photography. They see results from other weddings and want the same. Alot of the brides also understand how 'not so nice' it is to keep your geusts waiting for an hour or more while they get pictures done. We still get a few that want to stay true to the tradition, just not as many as want to do pictures before. I love my brides for doing pictures before, so much easier!!!</p>
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<p>It's a fairly universal tradition in the US - as in not just the Midwest. My wife's family background is such that they also have the tradition that the bride gets ready at home, then is driven to the church in the wedding gown, etc. This can be uh, interesting to say the least having been at two family weddings with rainy days. FWIW, her family is predominantly Roman Catholic, I'm Episcopalian. They were pretty much surprised that the church (mine) not only expected the bride if not all of the wedding party to prepare at the church but actually had dressing rooms available and ready to do so.</p>

<p>I'm expecting that my daughters will want to continue the tradition. That does mean that the family and photographer need to be organized (planned and discussed in advance) and ready to move out in a timely fashion on "formals" and that they plan a wrangler, and some kind of suitable diversions for the guests while the pictures are taken.</p>

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<p>The history of the traditions apparently dates back to the days of pre-arranged marriages and mail-order brides.....nowadays it's largely just a silly superstition. Once the B/G become aware of the superstitious basis for the tradition, many are more amenable to arranging a "first look" or "private time" to see each other before the nuptials.</p>
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<p>a work-around that I often use with those couples who don't want to see each other before the ceremony would be the following:</p>

<ul>

<li>formals with the ladies/bride </li>

<li>groomsmen arrive, formals with guys/bride</li>

<li>bride leaves, then the groom comes </li>

<li>formals with ladies/groom</li>

<li>ladies leave for ceremony venue </li>

<li>formals with guys/groom</li>

<li>all the guys head to the ceremony venue</li>

</ul>

<p>that way, all that's left later are the full bridal party shots, and the couple shots. saves a lot of time between the ceremony. ;o)</p>

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<p>We never convince or even try to convince anyone to do anything other than what their wishes are. We are there to walk beside them and get the pictures when it fits into their schedule. If they ask for advice or wish to know what we would recommend, then we will tell them what we think is best. I would NEVER try to talk someone into changing their desires for THEIR wedding day.</p>

<p>In the case that they do not want to see each other before...we do as David E. does above. Get what we can before and take the rest later.</p>

<p>I struggle to understand why any photographer would put pressure on a couple to change their plans for their day.</p>

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<p>I have to agree with Betty and Steve - the only justification would be time-saving or convenience for the photographer, and IMO that's not strong enough a reason to change somebody's wedding day.<br>

David dismisses the fear of meeting beforehand as a silly superstition, but how much of the ritual of a wedding day IS superstition? The garter, grandma's locket round the neck, the tossing of the bouquet, the service itself, the white dress, the cutting of the cake?<br>

If these expensive and illogical little rituals weren't there, how dull would the day be?</p>

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<p>Here in the UK most of my weddings follow the traditional format of not seeing each other before the wedding. I was actually shocked when I had one that they met up first, it was so unusual.</p>

<p>We tend to fit the groups in the space between the ceremony and the reception, and it has worked well so far. We just see how many group shots the couple need and suggest a length of time needed, but most ofthe time they already have a decent gap to fit pictures in, as well as time for them to do some socialising.</p>

<p>I would definately agree with the above posts about never trying to pursuade a couple to move their plans just because it's easier for us. I'm in the big belief of capturing a day as it happens, no matter what the timings.</p>

<p>To be honest I prefer capturing photographs of a couple after the ceremony, as you are capturing them as a married couple. You're capturing the first pictures of their married life together. But maybe we're just more traditional here.</p>

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<p>interesting comments, thanks. of course there is no right or wrong scenario here, it's a personal decision. i think the bottom line is the question, will there be a difference in the pictures if the first meeting happens somewhere the bride and groom can be alone, or if the first meeting happens in a church isle in front of 150 guest? i think so. but maybe some people just aren't interested in that romantic first meeting where they can spend some time alone without anyone else around (except the photographer :-)) before the stress and strain of the day kicks in. i agree that it should be about them, and not about convienence for the photographer. i like the idea of presenting it as an option and just letting them decide. it is something so outside of the norm for some people that it's probably just too stressful to think about it. it would probably require some major rearrangements to their day (time for the make-up artist, hair dresser, etc)that they just don't want to think about.</p>
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<p>About half my couples insist on not seeing each other before the ceremony. I am happy to do whatever they want, but if I sense they haven't decided for sure I try to point out the advantages to getting formals done early. The main one being much less time necessary for photos between ceremony and reception. </p>
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<p><em>"I struggle to understand why any photographer would put pressure on a couple to change their plans for their day." -Steve</em><br>

<em></em><br>

It's not necessary to "pressure" the couple to change their plans but we can make suggestions....a good pro can become part of the days planning as a consultant months before the actual wedding day. I've photographed over 500 weddings, the B/G often look to me for suggestions. I've gone as far as to suggest ceremony readings and for a couple of brides, their style of wedding dress.</p>

<p><em>"I do whatever the B&G want to do and don't try to convince them otherwise. My job is to capture their day no matter how they arrange it, not to orchestrate moments." -Betty</em><br>

<em></em><br>

If we put groomsmen in tress, that would be Orchestrating moments, doing the "jump" shot or the walking bridal party shot....is also orchestrating moments. When we suggest time lines for photos or when shooting the formal altar shots with groups......again, that's orchestrating the moments.</p>

 

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<p>BTW, the "private time" or "first look" shooting has become a popular addition to wedding coverage and can make for some very memorable images. Many B/Gs are simply unaware of this possibility. By having some sample images on hand I've had some couples that have requested it........no pressure, just an extra option.</p>

<p>As Matt points out above, it makes sense to point out the advantages to the B/G.</p>

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<p><em>"I do whatever the B&G want to do and don't try to convince them otherwise. My job is to capture their day no matter how they arrange it, not to orchestrate moments." -Betty</em><br>

disagree. as professionals we should offer advice and try to influence based on our experience and the things that we have seen work well. although, ultimately, it's their decision. </p>

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<p><em>"I struggle to understand why any photographer would put pressure on a couple to change their plans for their day." -Steve</em></p>

<p>i have often influenced the bride and groom's decision regarding the receiving line, and in the end they thank me for not having one. this is another one of those traditions that adds to the inefficiencies of the day.</p>

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<p>I'm a wedding photographer and I just got married myself last October. One of the things I daydreamed about the most during our engagement was what it would be like the first moment my soon-to-be husband saw me as I was walked down the aisle to be married. When it happened it was great, there was so much anticipation and emotion and I loved that all of our family and friends were there witnessing it. I would not want to trade that in so that we could save time later.</p><div>00TyiP-156171584.jpg.fc9d6a8a7f6f6e6ca7554351f0af4803.jpg</div>
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<p>It doesn't matter if the day is "inefficient". As a one time bride and a photographer now, I would have been really ticked off if my photographer tried to get me to cut a wedding tradition, or move it, just to make things more "efficient" for them.<br>

This is not an assembly line, it's a wedding. The whole DAY is tradition.</p>

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<p>David- I agree with you, and plenty of my bride and grooms have decided to do the first look. But, I just think there's a big difference between posing a shot that they themselves ASKED me to do (such as a group shot...done at a time when the B&G asked me to take a group shot) and asking a bride and groom to fore-go a tradition just to save time.<br>

If they decide to do it, good for them.</p>

 

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<p><em>I would have been really ticked off if my photographer tried to get me to cut a wedding tradition, or move it, just to make things more "</em><a href="http://www.photo.net/bboard/#" target="_blank"><em>efficient</em></a><em>" for them. - Betty</em></p>

<p>dont miss the point. who said it's just to save time, not me. it's not about us. it's about them. i make suggestions that i feel may be in "their" best interest. we have seen a lot more wedding than they have and hopefully they would try and draw from our experiences. not every bride and groom have professional wedding planners these days. it's usually a close friend or relative just trying to help out and sometimes even mom plays that role. i'm sure all of us have seen things that work well, and have seen some things that have not worked out so well. if their plan sounds good based on my experiences then great. but if something sounds like it won't work so well based on my experiences then i feel like i should say something, we talk through it, and they appreciate the discussion. they don't always go with my suggestions but at least they know they have a photographer who is willing to jump in and help where ever he can. i try and do more than just "take pictures" for the bride and groom. is it a bad thing to whisper in the bride's ear "fake the first one" for the bouquet toss just because it wasn't part of her plan? or asking them to "kiss" and the end of the isle during the processional because it makes a great shot?</p>

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<p>Actually, I think interfering with anything other than the posed shots that I was paid to set up is not really my job, but that's just my outlook as a photographer. The only time I give the B&G and bridal party ANY direction is when I'm taking their formals. Besides that, I'm a fly on the wall. I do "set ups" with the inanimate objects (dresses, flowers, etc) but I would never tell a bride and groom to kiss at the end of aisle during the processional. That's not when the 1st kiss is supposed to take place and it's interfering with what they may feel compelled to do on their day.<br>

The more you monkey with what is supposed to be spontaneous, the more contrived it looks. That's not the look I'm trying to get from my pictures.<br>

You can't "fake" the look of a 1st kiss, or the excitement of a bunch of ladies running after the bouquet "for real". Like I said, I love it when the B&G want to see one another prior to the wedding. It makes for great shots. But I would never suggest that they do it. I ask, and if they say no, I plan around it...no biggie.<br>

It's their day. I'm not there to be a svengali to set up shots. There is enough emotion going around for real, I shouldn't have to fake it.</p>

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<p>I ask them what they want and if they do not want formals before then i dont do them before. It is there day and i let them do what they want. I am on the west coast so about 65% of brides and grooms choose to do them before because i recomend it in our first meeting but i do not push it. I get to do the formals either way.</p>
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