A paper I did for high school English class

<p align="center">I figured I would post this here, because I suppose it fits. Let me know what you guys think? I'd love to see some thoughts on this. How you feel about, what emotions you feel when you're capturing images. The prompt was this:</p>

<p align="center">"<em>Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?"</em></p>

<p align="center">thanks guys!</p>

<p align="center"> </p>

<p align="center">Looking Through the Glass<br>

The Milky Way bursting out from a monstrous mountain, fish netting flowing in a spool like a gentle ballerina, a couple preparing to tie the knot. This is the life behind a camera, a place where anyone can capture a moment in time, and appreciate it for what it truly is. Often times, I find that moments that should be appreciated are simply ignored, and abruptly discarded into the irrelevant memories of our past. The life behind a camera, where I can always go when I need rest, where I can always go when I need to ponder things in my life, or when I simply need to capture the world around me. Photography has taught me to live, it has taught me to experience the world around me and notice the little things that so often go ignored. I’ve learned to capture the most significant things in this world, often finding that they are no larger than an ant. I began photography on my own, in the summer of my sophomore year, I watched hour after hour of tutorials, soaking the information in, growing my passion and love for the art of photography. Realizing it wasn’t quite as complicated as one might think. The patience and perseverance that photography requires is amazing. Capturing the light that falls across the face of an individual, positioning yourself to frame the subject. Photography is an ever growing art, where the equipment stays the same, yet your techniques evolve and become so methodical, that you eat, sleep, and breathe the art itself. Framing every subject you see around you in your mind, paying attention to the abstract light in an otherwise bland room. I have begun to embody myself in something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Photography will continue to teach me to capture, appreciate, and embody myself in the smallest things this world can offer, the most beautiful things this world can offer.</p>

<p>I think that, if your teacher gave you a pass mark for it, you might be better off finding a new teacher.</p>

<p>I only find criticism helpful or constructive if reasons are given for the criticism. So, I'll try my hand at it. While I'm one for loosely interpreting a theme or question, there's also something to be said for at least sticking to the spirit of the question, and I don't think you've done that here. You were not asked to describe an activity or experience that provides contentment but rather a place or an environment. You might take the liberty of talking about an imagined place or a place in the recesses of your mind or heart but I think photography is the subject for a different essay. Had your teacher wanted to know what, in your life, provides you with contentment, that's what your teacher would have asked. But it's not what was asked.</p>

<p>But this was your choice and it still deserves to be read on its merits, even if it may have missed the point of the exercise. You do convey your love for photography and describe some of the things about it that have enriched your life. You shared good insights about how it's made you notice more and think about things. You were a little vague in talking about "the most significant things in the world." What are they and why are they significant? I'd be interested to hear a bit more about what capturing light on someone's face and framing the subject means to you. Were you limited in number of words? It seems a fairly short essay. One of your nicest thoughts and well-put phrases is "abruptly discarded into the irrelevant memories of our past." It conveys your desire to hold onto life's brief moments and be there for them and it has a poetic and not overdone ring to it.</p>

<p>It's a high school English paper so grammar counts. I'm a tough cookie when it comes to this. Your first sentence is not a sentence, and that would likely trouble many English teachers. Many of your subsequent sentences are also not sentences. Your sentences need verbs rather than or in addition to gerunds to actually become sentences. "Oftentimes" is one word and sounds a little pretentious compared to "often," which is simpler and cleaner. The sentence that begins with "The life behind the camera . . . " is also not a sentence. It's just a phrase with secondary clauses. The sentence that begins with "Realizing . . . ," another gerund, is also not a sentence. Same for the sentence that starts with "Capturing the light . . . " The phrase "ever-growing" should be hyphenated. You don't need a comma after the word "methodical." The sentence that starts with "Framing . . . ," another gerund, is not a sentence.</p>

<p>Anyway, I enjoyed reading your essay, wish you the best of luck with photography, and appreciate your enthusiasm about something you find this fulfilling at such a young age. I admire and respect you for all that. Keep putting your creative energies to use, but don't forget to get out the grammar book now and then also (LOL). Putting your thoughts together coherently and in a more acceptable written format will come in handy in both expressing yourself and making impressions on people throughout your life.</p>

<p>_____________________________________</p>

<p>A final quick thought. You titled your essay "Looking Through the Glass." You might want to google the phrase "through a glass darkly" and subtly tie that into your essay somewhere. Since you vaguely referenced it in your title, and it's a biblical quote used and quite well known in literature, some sort of reference to it in a paper on photography would be very appropriate and would not go unnoticed by an English teacher.</p>

<p>Fred: I take my hat off to you. You have far more patience with this sort of post than I could ever manage.</p>

<p>On the language... I'm not as hard as Fred as English isn't my native language. But part of my job has been technical writing, and hence I wrote articles published to a website with quite a lot of traffic, in English. One vital lesson I learnt on this job: keep things simple. Some of your sentences are long and overloaded with long words. Don't. Keep it short and simple; this reduces the risk of grammar errors a lot. Writing isn't talking, and frankly your sentences read like spoken language. The high use of gerunds is confusing, and probably what caused you to forget a complete sentence will need a verb.<br>

If English is not your native language, then the problem could also be that your native language uses different constructs than English does. It's a common error, but the same advice does apply. Simple, short, direct sentences do help a lot.</p>

<p>That out of the way; your essay is a nice read. Fred's point on the fact that it might not actually cover the original question of the teacher is right. Yet, to me being behind a camera can actually feel like a place. Yes, it is an activity, but that moment where my concentration is on framing, checking the exposure and waiting for the moment to shoot the photo - it feels like I am in a place of my own. So, I can certainly relate to the interpretation.<br /> It's a nice declaration of love for the art and craft of photography. But maybe a silly question: is this the entire essay? It frankly seems very short, and it would be interesting to know if you needed to dive deeper into the various aspects you mentioned in this piece.</p>

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<p>Yet, to me being behind a camera can actually feel like a place.</p>

</blockquote>

<p>Excellent point, Wouter, and worth some discussion in itself. As it relates to the essay, however, if I were grading this that would need to fleshed out in order for it to work. It would need to be more of a strand throughout the essay. Make the case for being behind the camera as a place and I'm all ears. But don't just assume it. Even make the case for photography as transporting one somewhere or for it to heighten one's sense of location and you could be onto something. As I re-read it, it's kind of suggested to be a place in the beginning of the essay, but in the subsequent descriptions of photography it isn't tied in again and so the thread of location eventually gets lost. When we talk about light, framing, and moments, I'd want some further references to location, even through metaphor. You don't have to be totally literal about it and I know full well that lots of liberties can be taken with lots of topics. I was a pro at manipulating essays to seem as if they addressed the topic requested while pretty much saying exactly what I wanted to say, but cleverly tying it to the assigned topic in carefully-crafted ways. All it takes, usually, is dotting a few i's and crossing a few t's, and keeping your premise in mind throughout the piece.</p>

<p>Interesting, Fred, that you thought of "through the glass, darkly". For me the title and content of the essay conjure "Through the Looking-Glass" by Lewis Carroll. Implicitly completing and bastardizing Carroll's title by adding "... and What Aleks (Alice) Found There" adds personal relevance to the author of the high school essay.</p>

<p>"Looking Through the Glass", as an actual part of the mechanics of photography and metaphor for interpretation of what is captured, together with "Looking-glass" being a vehicle for self reflection ("looking glass" = "mirror") make for a very interesting title.</p>

<p>In addition to searching for "through a glass, darkly", as Fred suggests, I would also look up "Through the Looking Glass". Both perspectives can be deeply relevant to how you feel about your photography.</p>

<p>Fred, agreed, for the essay it would need a bit more depth - also why I asked if this was the entire essay. As it stands, for me it would make an intro of an essay, but not the whole piece.</p>

<p>Edwin, great thought. I think either or both references could add texture to the overall ideas and approach to the essay.</p>

<p>Now, you are all speaking beyond my knowledge of the English language for the most part. But for those who asked, our essay was limited to one page. And in word, double-spaced, this is a one page document. And I appreciate all the feedback. No matter how harsh, it's all valuable.<br>

<br /> The inspiration for the title originated with "Through the Looking Glass". And the "place" or "environment" I intend to portray in this essay is being behind the camera itself. Looking through the viewfinder is a place I consider to be it's own, standing alone, yet among the other environments it resides it.<br>

<br /> And to H. P, that's the public education system for you, this may shock you, baffle you, and you may find yourself dumbfounded, but I received the highest score in the class for this essay. It's quite sad I realize, because there are so many students, seniors, juniors, and the likes of them, that can hardly complete a sentence without a misspelling. Now before you go off on the whole "your generation is full of a bunch of thumb-twiddling idiots", like so many adults do, I ask you to consider who raised us, and put forth this system of education.</p>

<p>As for the rest of you, I have greatly enjoyed reading your responses and thoughts. It's not often that a student receives this kind of feedback, when we peer-edit, we are often partnered with someone who knows much less about the English language, and it's quite pointless. Thank you,</p>

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<p>Now before you go off on the whole "your generation is full of a bunch of thumb-twiddling idiots", like so many adults do, I ask you to consider who raised us, and put forth this system of education.</p>

</blockquote>

<p>LOL and Bravo! Very similar, I'm quite sure, to the retort I would have given at your age if I'd had the guts, which I often did. It's a touché moment. At the same time, I beg you just to start, as you head toward college and beyond, to take responsibility as well. We adults have in so many ways done you a disservice, especially in terms of the education we've provided you. At the same time, it's up to you and your peers to make something out of what we've left you just as we did with what we inherited. I inherited a world made more secure by my parents' generation's sacrifices in World War II and by a 1950s optimism fueled by post-war inventions and energy. But I also inherited a world faced with the paranoia of McCarthyism and the Cold War and the stench of still-practiced institutional racism. I'm happy to say that my generation was able not to perfect those ills but to make great strides despite the ignorance and resistance we encountered in many cases. I have confidence that you and your generation can learn to read and write well and do even more earth-shattering things despite whatever shortcomings those of us who come before you have to admit to.</p>

<p>Haha, I appreciate that, and of course, I, among SOME of my peers realize that we are the old ones that can truly change what lies ahead. So we do what we can to work towards a better world. I appreciate your sentiment, and understand fully that we are not the first ones to experience such things.</p>

<p>I think your essay was wonderful for a high school student. You've managed to spell every word correctly and not resort to either clichés or text message jargon contractions - bravo and better than I see in a majority of Internet forums allegedly populated by "adults."<br>

<br /> My last stint in a public education institution was teaching remedial math to seniors...people who didn't know that 1/4 and 0.25 were the same thing - and worse - didn't care.<br>

<br /> Your essay shows that you care about what you're doing, have thought about the subject, and have worked at writing the essay. I can appreciate it for those things alone as you have expended a level of effort that I never saw from students who's sole mission seemed to be perpetuating and reveling in mediocrity.</p>

<p> </p>

<p>Steve, I truly, TRULY appreciate that you recognize this. Thank you for the kind words</p>

<p>While the point on educational systems is correct (luckily I'm just that tiny bit too young to be spoiling the current educational system - in 10 years, it'll be my fault instead), there might be a bit more at play, maybe. Allow me a bit of pondering, well beyond the scope of the original essay...<br>

Quoting Steve: "<em>You've managed to spell every word correctly and not resort to either clichés or text message jargon contractions</em>" - indeed; even if my previous post may have been critical towards the language, this is already something I applaud as well.<br />The problem that seems to affect a lot of countries, where the knowledge and fluency of the native language seems to sink to very debatable levels, probably is to a large extend faults in educational systems. Not enough attention for the native language, not enough focus in (say) physics or math class for correct use of language.<br>

Yet, educational systems are quite different between countries. Even in Europe, every country has its subtle differences and its own set of problems. And still, I see this problem with the native language everywhere. So, frankly, I think there is more at play. And I think it's something that we - as photographers or aspiring photographers - are part of. From my generation on (I'm from the 70s), our culture has become much more visual. The written word has lost its role as the "prime carrier" of information. We seem to reach a point where communication is about being "good enough", being visually a match to what it ought to be; as long as you understand what I wrote. So "don't waist my time" (no, I am not making this one up) seems good enough, because you can deduct I meant "waste". Close enough, eye-balling it I can make up what is meant.<br>

And obviously in this sense the essay exceeds much of the almost-English one finds all over the internet, written by native speakers, easily. </p>

<p>Turning this back to photography, I think there are parallels. The visual language we use in photos is equally subtle, has its clichés, its big words, and its smaller ones. Look at the style of images that is mostly popular these days: very saturated, immaculate sharpness or false retro-sentiments (be it Instagram style, be it a lot of black & white attempts) - very obvious, visually overwhelming styles that just are not coherent enough. A bit SMS-style wording, rather than subtle plays with words. The message is clear, but it lacks elegance. Simple, direct, one-dimensional and very visual communication.<br />My earlier advice for short, simple sentences has its value for photography as well. Documenting photos (journalism, wedding, event, etc.) gain from a simple, visual clarity in the same way a sentence does. Poetry and prose have more space for ambiguity, more creative liberty. But in all cases, as the writer or photographer, it's our task to get grammar and spelling right - not the reader or viewer.</p>

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<p>Framing every subject you see around you in your mind, paying attention to the abstract light in an otherwise bland room.</p>

</blockquote>

<p>It's a very nice description for what sets photographers apart from the rest of us. But to make a bridge to this posting: framing serves a purpose. Framing is your sentence - it needs to communicate, and to do so, it needs a structure and coherent approach. There are many ways to do this. But doing it in a sloppy manner will reduce the effectiveness and value of the message and degrade your stature as a competent photographer. And that is valid for the written word as well.</p>

<p>P.S. And sorry for the long post. And going far off-topic as well. I should take my own advice.....</p>

<p>A very good post indeed Wouter. Thank you for making such an interesting and, I might say, useful summary of communication by the word and by image. It has given me plenty of food for thought. It is a pity we no longer have the Off-topic forum to take the language component further.<br>

Best regards<br>

Laurie</p>

<p>Laurie, I agree with you that Wouter's post is very thoughtful and inspires a lot of thoughts. Doesn't seem like an OT forum would be necessary to continue the conversation right here, if you wanted to. I don't think dallying a bit in English language usage and a possible analogy to photography would be inappropriate in this forum. </p>

<p>Thanks Fred, after pondering it, there is a photographic connection anyway :).</p>

 

<p lang="en-GB">As a teacher of English as a Second Language and proofreader I get to see both sides of the coin. While I can't speak for other areas of the globe nor even the UK, in Europe where I work there seems to be a quite high level of knowledge of native language grammar, and for that matter English grammar. Perhaps, as Wouter says, it is not taught (or learnt) to the same high level it used to be, I cannot tell. When I was at school (70's onwards) in Australia we were not taught grammar nor how to structure writing appropriately to get an idea across or any of those (essential) things. To my knowledge my nephews who are just finishing school haven't been taught it either. What we did learn was more akin to English Literature which is a valuable thing in itself but without the grammar, in my opinion, could not be fully appreciated nor understood. To me, you need both to appreciate, or indeed create, the written word. Though that isn't to say you need to be Shakespeare to write a job application.</p>

<p lang="en-GB">This is where Wouter's thought provoking post came in. It seems to me that to be able to communicate something in words that can be both elegant (to use Wouter's word) and get our message across we need to know our grammar (and I mean grammar in the widest sense). And that also applies to making a photograph. I think that knowing the "grammar" of visual communication gives us the freedom to express an idea in different but effective ways. Sometimes that can be direct and forthright but if you know the "grammar" it can also be subtle or indeed both. </p>

<p lang="en-GB">I have been taking photographs since I was about 15 but only in the last 5 years or so have I began to learn this. (And thanks to Wouter I have a way of thinking about it). I may have been looking in the wrong places but there doesn't seem to be much discussion or much written about this part of the visual language. Only recently have I found some videos and online articles that describe the structure of the photograph - and here I mean how a viewer reacts to light or dark, to contrast, to depth of field, to colour, to subject placement and how these things can create communication. There are still many things I don't understand about this "grammar" and yet other things I don't yet know how to apply - but I am aware there is a “grammar” to be learnt.</p>

<p lang="en-GB">Laurie<br /></p>

<p>I think that your paper was a great answer to the assignment no matter what the naysayers have written here! I also think that it was very well written so pay no mind to those who think that they are literary critics. If your photography is a good as your writing you have a great future ahead of you.</p>

<p>Laurie, glad my posting served you!<br>

To be honest, English grammar is a lot easier (to me) than Photography Grammar. But there is a lot of satisfaction in learning about it, and applying ideas in photos. In case it's of any help, a book that pushed me forward a lot for this has been Michael Freeman's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Photographers-Eye-Composition-Digital/dp/0240809343">The Photographer's Eye</a>. To me, it's a solid introduction to better understand how viewers read photos.<br>

And I think you live in a very developed area of Europe (guessing: Scandinavia, Germany?). My experiences from the Netherlands (where I'm from) and Italy (where I live now) aren't quite that positive, unfortunately.</p>

<p>Regarding critiques, literary, grammatical, photographic, or otherwise, I have generally found that taking the good with the bad and listening carefully or paying mind to all critiques has served me well. I won't necessarily agree with everything said about my writing or photography, but I do try my best to remain open to all points of view. Aleks, once more it's refreshing that you've been so gracious and responsive here, and with a sense of humor to boot. I suspect such graciousness will serve you even more in life than either your photographic or literary skills.</p>

<p>Wouter, I agree that it is satisfying to be able to apply the ideas but sometimes I find it frustrating too - but that is part of the process :). Thank you very much for the book suggestion, it looks very interesting and I think I will order myself a copy. I haven't come across his books before. Oh, and I now live in Poland, though in Warsaw which being the capital is probably much better served by its education system than smaller cities and towns.</p>

<p>Aleks, apologies for taking your thread off-course. I would like to say that I enjoyed reading your essay and, if you are still reading this thread, I have a question. If you had been a allowed a longer page limit, I am curious to know if you would have enjoyed writing a longer essay?<br>

Regards<br>

Laurie</p>

<p>I've appreciated all the feedback, and love the fact that I was able to strike inspiration for a hearty conversation through my essay, no matter the means. And Laurie, if I had been allowed, I feel as if I could have written a novel (or close to) on the subject. Photography inspires me not only in the subject of photography itself, but in so much else. And I appreciate the kind words Fred. This whole thread has been a good read, and an experience in itself. </p>

<p>Hi Aleks. Now that this thread seems to have settled to a pleasant end, though I enjoyed your essay, I have a minor grump. The originating question included: "... <em>where you are perfectly content."</em> Photography, for me, is about being (happily, perfectly) <em>dis</em>content. When I want to be content, I put down the camera. I am done.<em><br /></em></p>

<p>William Klein, one of the wild men of the New York School of photography said that it was photography that licensed his "craziness"; that allowed him to "let loose." It was the next best thing to doing a Kerouac <em>On the Road</em> thing without leaving home:</p>

<p>"Every kid used to dream of going cross-country in a second-hand car. I never did." — <em>William Klein</em></p>

<p>Photography, for him (and for me), is a restless adventure, a leaving "home," an exercise in <em>dis</em>content.</p>