Family Portraits - Nervous Moms

How do y'all deal with it when you have a family portrait and the parents (usually the mother) wants to micromanage everything? I've been doing this for years and I've been struggling with this lately. When mom is so concerned with her babies looking right, smiling for the camera and not getting dirty that it has a negative affect on the whole shoot. I have one coming up this afternoon and I suspect this is going to be the case. My stress level is already up just thinking about it and I hope that once we get started everyone will relax and have fun.

Empathy to the extent you can muster will help. Understand the mother wants everything as perfect as possible. Everything you need can flow from there. Let her do her thing for a bit, let her fuss and fidget over the kids while you put just that kind of love and attention into YOUR work and all should be fine. Don't judge, photograph. Once she's fussed, say something relaxing and get to it. A joke or saying something light can help. Take a few pics when she's fussing over them. It's real. Might produce a candid winner even if it's not ultimately what you're shooting for, which may be a more formal portrait. This is about the family, and the mother plays a big role in that. Let her be who she is, not who you want her to be. Your job is more to work with her than hers is to work with you. Remember, your shooting more expression than behavior and good expressions come even in the midst of behavior that may not be what you desire or expect.

Empathy to the extent you can muster will help. Understand the mother wants everything as perfect as possible. Everything you need can flow from there. Let her do her thing for a bit, let her fuss and fidget over the kids while you put just that kind of love and attention into YOUR work and all should be fine. Don't judge, photograph. Once she's fussed, say something relaxing and get to it. A joke or saying something light can help. Take a few pics when she's fussing over them. It's real. Might produce a candid winner even if it's not ultimately what you're shooting for, which may be a more formal portrait. This is about the family, and the mother plays a big role in that. Let her be who she is, not who you want her to be. Your job is more to work with her than hers is to work with you. Remember, your shooting more expression than behavior and good expressions come even in the midst of behavior that may not be what you desire or expect.

 

Thank you Sam Stevens, this is exactly what I needed to hear today.

Thank you Sam Stevens, this is exactly what I needed to hear today.

Wonderful. Glad it helped and thanks for letting me know. Let us know how the shoot goes.

All I can suggest is maybe a few shots of the mother holding the baby, so they both relax in an unfamiliar situation.

That's better advice than what I had. I was going to suggest giving the mom a glass of wine with two klonopin tablets crushed up in it. That should keep her relaxed enough that she doesn't annoy you. *Not that (legal disclaimer) I suggest doing that."

 

Many years ago I did a bunch of head shots for actors, but I had it better back in those film days--the actors couldn't insist on chimping each shot. :-)

Why not simply show an "Idea Book" of previous work. Ask what she likes / wants - brief discussion about ways to accomplish desired result. Move on from there, showing a shot or two of her project work in process as you move forward. Conversation on desired destination and ways to get there is nearly always helpful, IMO.

Give them what they want. There will always be plenty of spontaneous moments.

Wonderful. Glad it helped and thanks for letting me know. Let us know how the shoot goes.

 

I let her fuss around everyone (and oh did she fuss over every little thing!) and it actually felt really good to relinquish the control and just let it happen. She took charge of her family and I mainly focused on what was in my frame. Luckily, the kids were very well behaved and happy (7y/o, 3 y/o and 6mo). Once we got a round of her photo list completed she relaxed (a little). It ended up being a very good experience for everyone. Thank you so much for the advice. It was so simple but incredibly helpful and I know I will apply it a lot in the future.

Reminds me of advice I was given when doing a First Aid course :

 

Always re-assure the patient. This has the added benefit of re-assuring the First Aider.

 

Glad it went well.

My only tip is get the;take the 'other' photo's first. Quite a long way off-topic but I currently take 'natural, spontaneous' photos of people who are interviewed or at my direction.

 

Purely as an amateur, my rules of thumb are

- let people get relaxed, natural and 'normal' with each other you before even opening your 'box of tricks'

- ask everyone's permission to take take a lot of photos (and why)

- explain that you're going to be take a whole lot of photos, some of which are going to be really cool!

- finally, ask whether you could take a photo of the whole family together

 

Just a thought.