Have you ever dealt with an uncooperative bridal party?

<p>What did you do?</p>

<p>Are you referring to the entire bridal party, just a few people...</p>

<p>At the reception, at the rehearsal, before the wedding day?</p>

<p>just a member or two of the bridal party, on the wedding day.</p>

<p>I guess it really comes down to what is "uncooperative". If they refuse to have their picture taken, talk to the best man or maid of honor and have them interecede. Or, if you feel comfrotable enough (and you should), then pull the unccoperative people aside and speak to them. You were hired by the bride and groom to record their special day and a couple of people are screwing it up for them, not for you.</p>

<p>A firm, but gentle, reminder that this is the bride's day and that you need them to help you create special memories for their friends should be all that it takes. If it is the best man or maid of honor being the PITA, I'd definitely slap them upside the head (figuratively speaking). It's not about you, it's not about them, it's about the B&G.</p>

<p>That being said, I would never approach the B&G as that adds stress for them and it's your responsibility to get the job done, not theirs.</p>

<p>If this is happening at the reception and the people are drunk, then forget about them and move on. You should have already gotten pictures of them during the shoot before the reception.</p>

<p>I had a groom once throw a full-blown tantrum because the ring bearer's tux outfit didn't match his exactly. The difference was yellow vs silver color metal on the cheap rental shirt studs. I was working with a buddy once at his gig and the bride's mother was making us both insane until she stepped back onto the lid of his hard-shell camera case and snapped the hinge. He had to wrap his suspenders around it to get it out to the car when the gigi was over, but she quieted down immediately.<br>

My rule is patience and many silent slow deep breaths.It's not my party -- I'm part of the hired help. I had a gig once where I was to do informal family groups after the entree but the b&g decided they needed a little honeymoon action. The caterer blamed me for the resulting delay until she saw the bride's "missionary hairdo."<br>

I did a gig on a boat once and they put the bridal cake on a nice table in the sun on the boat's aft deck. Cake melted and slithered overboard during the cocktails.</p>

<p>Henry Posner<br /> <strong>B&H Photo-Video</strong></p>

<p>Being uncooperative in what way? Interfereing with your taking posed pictures? Not smiling? Not willing to pose for pictures? I'm sure there are a couple of hundred other ways for them to be uncooperative....</p>

<p>Depending on the way they were behaving and how distracting it is / was, would dictate my response... Whatever my response is - going to the bride / groom would be one of the last things I'd do... Now the bride's father or mother on the other hand, would be a few levels lower on the escalation chain and probably more effective.</p>

<p>Dave</p>

 

<p>Alice,<br>

I agree with not bothering the bride or groom with troublesome wedding party members however on the few ocations where I've had problem people, the bride or groom saw what jerks these people were being and stepped in without being asked to.</p>

<p>It's always best not to add stress to the bridal couple or their parents.</p>

<p>Jim Marby</p>

<p> </p>

<p>Alice,<br>

I agree with not bothering the bride or groom with troublesome wedding party members however on the few ocations where I've had problem people, the bride or groom saw what jerks these people were being and stepped in without being asked to.</p>

<p>It's always best not to add stress to the bridal couple or their parents.</p>

<p>Jim Marby</p>

<p> </p>

<p>Sure, I've dealt with a few. What one does is dependent upon who, exactly, is uncooperative and in what way. You also take the measure of the person in question, which influences how you deal with them. Too many variables to have just one answer to your question.</p>

<p>I had one (moody/spoiled/"I'd rather be drinking with my friends than here") brother of the bride, who was also in the wedding party, and he was sooo not into having his picture taken. I managed to get on his good side by making him the center of attention for a few minutes, playing up his ego a bit and even got him smiling with the rest of the wedding party instead of sulking. I hated the fact that he couldn't stop thinking of himself for even a few minutes but by playing along with his stupid "it's all about me or I'll make it miserable for everyone else game," I was able to get the pictures that were important to his sister and keep that part of her day at least pleasant. </p>

<p>Lack of cooperation usually is associated with the formal group shots ... if you're shooting candids it's usually not an issue.</p>

<p>A little empathy goes a long way. Some people don't like getting their picture taken ... especially standing there like a store mannequin which is unfamiliar for almost anyone ... and since I'm one of those people myself, I get it. In fact, the way some photographers shoot endless group shots and hog half the wedding day, I'd personally be in the camp with the uncooperative folks, LOL ... (which I've found to be more men than women). I tell the guys that "The sooner we get to it, the sooner we're done and you can head off to the bar". They usually understand that, and get with the program. </p>

<p> </p>

<p>I think I know where you're coming from here. I've had a few weddings where the bride and groom or sometimes the bridal party become obstructive and seemingly try to stop you working.<br>

Of course you wonder why. Isn't this after all their big day? After analysis I've noticed it happens with budget weddings and particuarly those with not a lot of money. I think they just want someone there for show, I know of another photographer who spoke about this. People who book you to show relatives they can afford a photographer.<br>

The key is to get your money upfront and get a decent fee. No budget work.</p>

<p>I have had weddings where the parents were divorced, generally a bitter divorce. I've had more than one exclaim "I am not going to be in a picture with that SOB". That is when I break out the charm and inform the offending party(ies) that if they do not cooperate on their childs special day I will embarrass them in front of everybody. It makes them more focused on me, sometimes not happily, and they forget about each other.</p>

<p>I have had others where the divorced parents have remarried and the new spouses refuse to be in a picture with the ex spouses for jealousy reasons. Again I try to get them focused on me and forget about the others. Generally informing them that they need to be adults and consider that this is the childs event, not their personal stage to wage a vendetta war.</p>

<p>When I personally got married my wife's parents were divorced. There is no picture of my wife with just her parents. Now her father is dead and she is still not happy about not having that picture. So I do my best to honor what the bride wants, not the parents.</p>

<p>O yes!<br>

probably my worst experience ever!,Wedding in Winter,-7 degrees,had to shoot indoors<br>

no one would help,everbody was an expert and nobody would own up to who they where!.<br>

this was many years ago for a now defunct Wedding company i requested to miss this gig after meeting the happy couple,but,they could not find anybody else.Certain members of the family did want to be in the Photographs which<br>

was considered my fault.The Bride resorted to loud sarcastic remarks about how the Photographs would be rubbish etc.I stuck with it and left to what i hoped would be a quick Divorce for the newlyweds.I learnt more from this Wedding than 50 good ones and was not put off.Now i would just pack my bags and walk out.Trust me i have never known such ghastly bad mannered people,i've actually toned down how awful it was.<br>

need a lie down now!</p>

<p> </p>

<p>Not that I am a wedding photographer, but to share an 'uncooperative' wedding story...<br>

At my own wedding one of the bridesmaids spent most of the wedding talking about her wonderful new engagement ring and all of her wedding plans (she had gotten engaged about 3 weeks before). Just generally being spacy and getting in the way more then being helpful (did I mention showing up 1 1/2hrs late to pictures). The coordinator (thank goodness for her) finally told her that we were all sick and tired of hearing about HER and HER wedding plans when this was my WIFE'S wedding and to save it for another day. This right before the ceremony started. Thankfully she stowed it.<br>

A year or so later at my wife's baby shower she spent most of the time talking about how much she wanted kids and that she was going to have kids soon.<br>

Just found out that she is finally pregnant like she wanted to be and her and her husband are still living in her sister's house because neither have found decent well paying jobs in 2 years of looking.<br>

It warms the cackles of my heart a little bit and I just tend to think of a person's Karma when they behave badly and selfishly. I don't think it makes me a good person, but at least I am nice to people.</p>

<p>That is why it is so important to have that extra clause in your contract. Good luck!</p>

<p>In answer to question 1, no.</p>

<p>In answer to question 2. ?? I don't know but find it interesting what others would do ??</p>

<p>On two of my weddings, I had trouble with guests. I went to the B&G and told them what the problems were; problems solved.</p>

 

<p>It really depends on who is not cooperating. I have had cases where it is parents, or family, or wedding party, or guests, or the groom, or even the bride. There is no ONE answer. You just have to evaluate each circumstance, and people involved, to figure out how to make the situation the best it is going to get. Sometimes it is nicely speaking to the offending person, sometimes it is becoming the bigger jerk and dominating the offender, sometimes speaking to the coordinator or other family member, sometimes speaking to the Bride or Groom, and sometimes it is just doing the best you can while making notes to C.Y.A. in the event someone isn’t happy with the final product.</p>

<p>I once had a member of the wedding party tell me "boy, did we get you!".  This was after they were causing trouble during the formal wedding party shots.  Things like talking, not wanting to stay where I had put them, just little things, but enough to cause a bit of a problem.<br>

 <br>

I told him, "No, did not cause me any problem cause once the photos were over, I would move on to the next day, or shoot I had.  But, I told him, The bride and groom will remember this for the rest of there lives, how the people they asked to be part of one of the most important days in there lives, cause problems".  Just think about what you have done....<br>

 <br>

I stared going to the rehersal and asking to have just a minute of time to tell everyone our start times for photos, then I would tell that story.  Never had any problems after that.<br>

 <br>

Hope this helps,<br>

Randy</p>

<p>Hmm.. I kind of had a problem with the maid of honor once. <br>

When we arrived to the location the bride wasn't there yet and the maid of honor was bossing the caterer around, I knew right then that there would probably be trouble.<br>

The guy that was over the location asked me if I thought the lights should be on during the ceremony, so I took some test shots both ways and told him I thought it would be better if they were, but it was up to the bride. The maid of honor stepped in immediately and said there's no way she wants the lights on, she wants it to be dark and romantic. So I as politely as I could, said that's fine I'll make sure and double check when she gets here and show her the difference... then as soon as the bride arrived the maid of honor made a huge deal and said the photographer needs to see you right now about the lighting upstairs, then proceeded to tell the bride her opinion on it. I was like geez i'm not trying to stress her out, I could have asked her when she had a moment to breeth (this all in my head). But anyhow, so I ask her and the whole time the MOH is voicing her opinion. So then the bride just decided she wanted them off.. i think she just didn't want to deal with the confrontation.. fun stuff.<br>

Then throughout the day she just made little catty comments. A lot of them were directed towards my sister who was helping me with lighting (and by the way, was just doing her job and very polite, even to her). My sister is really pretty so.. i dunno.. maybe some jealousy? I dunno, the comments were very highschoolish, i just tried to ignore them and do my job.<br>

Anyhow, after the wedding she approached my second photographer and said that we were in the way during the cake cutting and that she couldn't see it happening. Generally I try to stay out of the way, but during the cake cutting everyone crowds around (in a small area in this case- genious) so the only way to capture it is to be in front. There we're plenty of people on the sides that could see. We had tons of compliments at this wedding from the wedding party to random guest and of course the bride and groom. However, she was extremely hard to work with the entire day and ultimately dissatisfied with our services.<br>

That was the only time I've really ever had a problem or anyone complain about us being in the way. I thought back and couldn't really think of a better place to stand where we'd be guarenteed to capture the moment?<br>

Also, not that I want to stress out the bride and groom, but if there is something hindering me from doing my job I'd rather approach "my boss" and let them handle it. Then if there is a problem later on I got the ok from the person who signed the contract. If its something that I think I can handle otherwise I will, but I would rather avoid a lawsuit later on for offending a guest or not being able to do my job. Generally the boss is the bride and everyone listens to her, so it comes out a lot better from her than some photographer everyone just met.</p>