Zoomers and Primers

In looking over the Nikon archives, it seems like there are basically

two kinds of photographers here: Zoomers and Primers.

 

The Zoomers fall into three catagories. First, there are professionals

with fast zooms and unforgiving deadlines. These photags don't have

time to change lenses. They may occasionally use monopods, but never

tripods. They are looking for the "money shot" to please an editor or

a bride (or bride's parents). Professional zoom people used to order

proof sheets from a lab. Now they shoot digital. Professional zoom

people drink Scotch, unless they are paparazzi, in which case they

drink anything.

 

Next, there are the "point-and-shoot" amatuers with their auto-focus

SLRs always set to "P" mode and their 28mm-300mm Tamarons.

Point-and-Shoot Zoom People know not the joys of fast lenses--because

if they did, they'd have bought a couple of fast primes for the same

money. Point and Shoot Zoom People are looking for the "record shot"

without having move from the spot they were in when they got the idea

to take take the picture in the first place. If the picture is in

focus and the subject's eyes are not closed, the picture is a keeper.

Quality of light and composition are not issues for Point-and-Shoot

Zoomers. These photographers order 4"x6" glossy twin-pix from the

local drug store. Point-and-shoot amatuers with 28mm-300mm Tamarons

drink white zinfindel (sometimes Pinot Grigio) or lite beer out of the

can.

 

The third type of Zoom Person is the avid poser who buys a $1600 lens

for his D100 to shoot his kid's little league games and birthday

parties. He is the "photographer of the family." (Yes, the Poser

Zoomer is always a man) He does not own a tripod. He impresses his

friends by using words like "Bokeh." His kids and wife humor him as

best they can, but they often lose patience. The Poser Zoomer rarely

takes pictures of strangers, but when he does, it's from behind. His

wife would kill him is she found out how much he spent on is big zoom

lens. The Poser Zoom Guy drinks Chardonnay, imported beer out of

frosted glasses, or cocktails with expensive vodka.

 

Prime People are artists. They are more passionate than Zoom People.

They wear black, smoke cigarettes, and graduated from the Rhode Island

School of Design or Parsons or Cal Arts or some other fancy-shmancy

art school. They "do street photography" and print their own work.

They were abused as art students, and so are quick to put down

amatuers with harsh critism. When they are not "doing street

photography," Prime People schlep tripods. And they look cool doing

it. (If a Poser Zoom Guy carried a tripod, he would look silly and

embarrass his children.) Prime People wait for the Golden Hour to take

pictures, except when they are "doing street photography." Prime

People don't shoot landscapes with 35mm and don't own digital cameras.

(Holgas or Lomos, yes. Pinhole cameras, definately. Digital, never.)

Nobody knows how Prime People make a living. Nowadays, Prime People

drink martinis.

 

When Prime People have kids, they buy 28mm-300mm Tamarons.

 

(For the record, I am a former point-and-shoot zoomer. Traded in the

plastic Minolta and plastic Tamaron for the $1600 zoom to take photos

of my kids. Wife found out. So I sold the zoom and bought a used

rangefinder on ebay. No desire to ever be a pro-Zoomer. Fantasize

about being a Primer, but threw my back out schlepping a tripod, never

went to art school, and my wife and kids would leave me if I turned

the bathroom into a darkroom. Anyone want to trade their 70-200 f2.8

VR for my Mamiya 7II w/80mm? ;-)

One more thing- It is an open secret that, deep down, all pro-Zoomers wish they could be Primers.

Putting everyone with a tag on their head - sarcasm or stigmatism?

A very good satire. Well written and funny. Just for the record, you might describe the rather uncomfortable situation that develops when artsy Primers run across their artsy Digie friend with their D70s or Digital Rebels. "But, you don't understand...this is much, mush better!!" they argue over a cold bottle of Kokanee or local microbrew.

I drink everything. What am I? Alcoholist?

I fall through the gaps in your taxonomy! I'm a point-and-shoot amateur with a manual focus SLR and a set of prime lenses, who only takes pictures of strangers from behind and wears black but never looks cool. I also drink everything.

You forgot one other aspect of the true primer: his advice to any and all equipment questions will be to toss everything and get a manual camera, preferably meterless, with a 50 mm. lens, because that is the only way to learn photography right.

Matthew, don't forget the subset of Primers who insist that the 35mm is the one true prime, not the 50mm, which is unnatural.

You didn't mention that Prime people rarely, if ever, engage in polygamy.

Good satire...Matthew and Adam are close. The correct lens is the 90(or 85 in a pinch). Theo Kisselbach, the legendary former Head of the Leica School in Wetzlar, referred to the "niner" as "the great teacher". Kidding aside, a manual camera with one lens is an excellent way to learn photography. Ansel recommended a 4x5 view camera for a year for "serious students". I believe there is much wisdom in Ansel's advice.

My 10-year-old daughter took a Nikon FG and 50mm f/1.8 lens along for her week at Disney World. She came back with lots of fun, interesting, and attractive pictures, and she never seemed to want a zoom lens. Probably just because she doesn't know any better, though....

Careful, John. Your daughter sounds like a Primer. Most kids her age only want I-Pods and candy-colored P&S digicams and wouldn't be caught dead with the dorky camera you gave her. Odds are she'll have her belly button pierced by the time she's 12. ;-)

That's a great post, an entertaining and open-minded approach to a good question.

 

I am a Primer but would love to be a Zoomer for a day. The SsScotch would slow me down though, so needing fast lenses. My only concern is that being a purist I would go for a Canon 7 rangefinder wih superspeed 0.75 lens, thereby losing my Zoomer status altogether.

 

I went to Arty farty schools and I have an Arty farty job, but I never wore black, I like bright colours and normal people. I do have 'plans' to start a darkroom. Nearest I ever got to being a zoomer was 35-70 2.8 on a Nikon F4s, sold it all.

 

I wouldn't trade my Fuji 69's, Rolleicord 4, and Mamiya 35mm's for a 70-200 f2.8 VR although I probably should, then I could sell the 70-200 f2.8 VR and buy into LF. I like to drink Chanmpagne outa the bottle, but I gave up drinking.

 

I think the 85mm PC Micro Nikor should be the standard 'normal' lens for primers.

 

Cheers.